In Dreams
by Seraphina1
Summary: Chapter 15 : A Second Chance(Farewell) - The final goodbye. Love is grand, and love is wonderful. Is it enough to have just loved once perfectly?
1. In Dreams : Chap.1 - A Mysterious Strang...

**_~***~_**

_Its weird, this feeling you get, in the pit of your stomach, when you see him. Its like everything else just sort of fades out, like a movie, only everything has gone into the background except for him. He's right there, in the center of the screen. And, its like you want to take your eyes away, but you can't..really, even if you were trying hard, and of course I wasn't. Gods, he was so beautiful. Beautiful, god, I hope he's not gay...sigh yeah yeah, I remember Kiel, too good to be true, yet he turned out gay. frown Why do all the good ones have to be gay? Is it like a fact of life, where only the good ones, can be for the guys? Do they like, reserve the best ones for themselves? laughs sadlyHmm...its weird, Evan turned out gay too...although I know Amano would never admit it, being Evan's best friend and all...but there are just those little signals. I think girls are overall just much more intelligent than guys. Hmm...changing subjects again..my mind must be running circles on me, yet again..This sucks, all the good ones are either gay or just a part of my imagination. But...I guess its better to dream of such a guy, I mean, at least in dreams, they won't reject you......_

**_~***~_**

"Hey! Yukari!" Someone snapped fingers in front of her eyes. Yukari blinked. 

"Hmm?" She looked at Amano, who was trying to get her attention. "What?" She asked, irritated to be interrupted from her daydreaming. Amano made a face.

"What are ya thinking?"

Yukari shrugged, 

"Nothing much. When do we get out of this class?" She groaned, English was soo soo boring. Amano looked at his watch.

"Exactly....10 minutes."

"Great." Yukari muttered, feeling like sinking back into her dreams again. Dreams were good, in dreams, the problems always went away, and sometimes, just sometimes, he would be there too. But she never let herself hope for it too much, dreams were unpredictable, what if she never dreamt about him again? Then, she'd be devastated. Yukari knew she was being silly, silly and foolish, whoever heart of falling in love with a figment of her imagination? Yes, she thought, I should just forget about those silly dreams about him, I should think about..........Yet he always popped in uninvited anyway. Him or Hitomi. And she really didn't want to think about Hitomi. 

**_~***~_**

_Hitomi..sigh yet another topic. At least thinking about Him didn't hurt. It was so weird, yet...Hitomi seemed so distant lately...so changed. I try talking to her, I try telling her that whatever she's going through, she can tell me, but its like ringing water from a dry cloth! However dumb that simile may sound, that's the picture that flashes through my mind, every time I speak to her! She's changed, definitely. One day, she's this happy person, whos always smiling and laughing, flirting outrageously with Amano..She was always such a partyer...she'd be the life of the party! laughs/laugh fades Now, she's so distant and cold, so wrapped up within herself, so...sad. I told her that Amano might like her, and she just shrugged. Shrugged! My god, Hitomi's whole life used to be wrapped up in trying to get that guy's attention! And she just shrugged!!!! What possibly could have happened? The night before, she slept over, and we giggled all night. At first, I thought it was just a bad night effect, you know, maybe a hangover from that party (what a crazy ass party, it was wild man...oh, but off-topic again)....but nope, She just never snapped out of it! Amano keeps telling me that its just something like mood-swings, "those weird moods you girls go through.." I think was what he said...but anyway, I don't think so. Hitomi's never in a bad mood, not for almost a month! Yes, its been a month since She just woke up one morning and decided that she'd be a pain in the ass to everyone, as well as to herself!_

**_~***~_**

__The bell rang, shaking Yukari out of her daydreams. Finally, the end of the day. Yukari headed to her locker, not even noticing Amano beside. It was only when She turned to open her lock, did She realize Amano gazing at her. She looked at him.

"Hey...I didn't' realize you were here.."

Amano rolled his eyes, hiding his hurt. "Yeah, Yukari, you don't notice much these days."

"Geez.." Yukari also rolled her eyes. Why was Amano being like this all of a sudden. Amano sighed, and slipped an arm around her, hugging her. Yukari rested against him gently,

"We're all worried about Hitomi." He said softly, his breath in her ear. Yukari shut her eyes. She shrugged his arm away.

"..I gotta go. I'll see ya tomorrow." She hurried away, but not before feeling the pang of guilt that hit her at the sight of Amano's hurt expression. But really..what did he expect of her? 

She raced home, past the track. She barely glanced at it. She'd learned to avoid that place...it held too many memories. 

She changed quickly out of her school uniform when She got home. Sitting out on her porch with an apple, Yukari brushed her dark hair out of her face. Sadly, She looked over the city. She and Hitomi used to own this city...man oh man, all the wild crazy times. Getting up, Yukari traced her fingertips over the number pads. 389-2390. It was practically burned into her memory. SHE could've dialed that number in her sleep. Picking up the handset, She placed it to her ear, hearing the phone ring on the other side.

"Hello?" Hitomi's voice sounded odd on the other side.

"Hey!" Yukari tried to keep her voice neutral. Hitomi had always hated sap. Hitomi was silent, then answered.

"Hey..what's up?"

"Not much, how are you?"

"I'm good." Hitomi answered. Yukari traced her finger over the surface of the apple. It was hard.

"Oh yeah." Awkward silence. 

"So...why did you call?" Hitomi asked. Yukari wanted to scream. What the hell? She always called Hitomi, like everyday! Well...She used to. Where did that question come from? A wave of self-doubt suddenly washed over Yukari. What if, there really wasn't' anything wrong with Hitomi..what if, She just didn't' want to be friends with her anymore. Maybe it was just a hint, and She just wasn't understanding...it hurt to think about it. Yukari cleared her throat.

"Umm...uh..well, you weren't at school today, or yesterday...or for the past week. I just..called to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine."

"Hitomi..your not."

"What?" Hitomi's voice registered surprise. At least it was better than the usual monotone. 

"Hitomi, you're my best friend, I know you like the back of my hand. Your not okay."

"So...you know me better than I know myself?" Hitomi's voice was accusing. Yukari rolled her eyes.

"No...I just...what's wrong Hitomi, why won't you tell me?" Yukari's voice sounded close to breaking. 

"I'm fine, Yukari, just..leave it alone!"

"Hitomi.."

She heard Hitomi sigh on the other side. "Yukari, I gotta go..I'll see ya later." The phone hung up. Yukari blinked. She stared at the phone, her last connection the her best friend. 

**_~***~_**

_Did you hear that? How cold She was! Its like She doesn't even care anymore. Did our friendship not even matter? god, I sound like I just broke up with a boyfriend...._

_but..its sort of the same, isn't it? Like, a best friend and a boyfriend....the same sort of. It hurts like hell when you break up with either of them._

_Hmmmm...._

  
  


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It was Friday night. Yukari lay dismally on her bed, spending yet another Friday night at home. She tried not to think about what She would be doing if Hitomi would just snap out of her mood. 

"And its not like no one offered to do something.." She muttered, to make herself feel better, yet not really succeeding. Maybe...if She fell asleep, She would dream about that beautiful guy again....

**_~***~_**

_Beautiful and guy...do those two words even go together? Or should you just replace that beautiful with gay..hmm..weird thoughts eh..Well, if someday, I ever do find a wonderful, 'beautiful' guy, I'm not gonna give a care whether he's straight or not!laughs Well...I guess he would care.._

**_~***~_**

Her phone rang, startling her. She picked up.

"hello?"

"Hey Yukari! Its Agnes!"

Agnes Odylle, was sort of an in-between friend. She wasn't really a close friend, actually, Yukari often didn't even consider her a friend, but She did hang out with her sometimes at school.

"Hey Agnes, hows it going?"

"Great! What are ya up to?" 

Yukari frowned, it wasn't often that Agnes would phone up and wonder what Yukari was doing. 

"Not much..you?"

"Yeah, I just called to see if you wanted to come with me to that new club downtown!" Agnes seemed to be talking to some other people. There was a loud background noise behind her. 

"Uhh..oh that new one? Whatsitcalled...uhh..Raxx Hangar?"

"Yeah! Some local band, but hey, its supposed to be good!" 

"I heard..umm, its 18 and over, Agnes." Yukari replied matter-of-factly. 

"Yeah, I know." There was an edge of impatience in Agnes' voice. "That's why I got Kiel to get us in! He's like friends with the manager..you know, 'friends'" She giggled. Yukari blinked. Kiel McPherson, he was HOT. Yukari wouldn't have minded going anywhere with Kiel.

"Kiel's going too?"

Agnes laughed. "Slime chances, Yukari."

Yukari laughed, for what seemed like the first time in ages. "I know eh. Uh..who else is going?" Kiel, as all beautiful, drool-worthy guys, was gay.

"Oh, just me, Evan..you, if you want."

"Amano?"

"Nope."

"Oh...k.."

"In?" 

"Umm..sure." Yukari was tired of laying around, feeling depressed. I guess this is what I need, She thought. She quickly got off the phone with Agnes. Getting up, She stared at herself in the mirror. What a horror. Dressed in modrobes and a tanktop, She really wouldn't have won for most stylish, even at a grunge parlor. She dug through her closet. 

After carefully applying her make-up, Yukari heard a horn honking outside. Grumbling, Yukari ran down the stairs and opened the front door. Agnes stood on the hood of a blue sports car. Evan sat in the front seat.

"Yukari!" Agnes shouted, jumping up and down, making the entire car bounce. Yukari rolled her eyes and headed, out.

The entire car smelled of beer and dope, Yukari wrinkled her nose.

"Whata you been up to Agnes?"

"Ohh..not much Yuki.." Agnees was reduced to giggles as She drawled. Her breath smelt highly of alcohol. 

"I think that's enough for you." Yukari grabbed the bottle out of Agnes' hand. She stuck her head tot he front.

"Hey Evan, you doped?" She asked, leaning closer to make sure he was sober. He looked at her, his pretty grey eyes grinning.

"Totally, but I'm sober."

"You sure about that?"

"Pretty sure.." He laughed, his eyes wrinkling. 

They rode in relative silence towards Downtown, Agnes yelling out once in a while in drunkenness. This wasn't a fun way to start the night. Yukari shut her eyes, praying to any god that was out there, that Evan was telling the truth. The night had hardly started, and already, a headache split her head. Grabbing a bottle, She inhaled the strong smell.

"Deciding to join the fun?" Evan asked, looking back. Yukari didn't respond, instead, She just took a long gulp of the cool, bitter-sweet liquid.

**_~***~_**

_Yes, yes...I know, abstinence is the only way to go. And its not like I'm an alcoholic, seriously, I mean, I didn't touched a beer at the last three parties...well, Hitomi was there then..its just..its so hard...everything is so hard....sigh_

_Hitomi never drank..She was always such a goody goody. But I think I envy her in that..I could never do what She does and still keep it all together, god, I couldn't even imagine it...._

_...I guess..whatever happened to her had to be like, the pits, cause, I've never seen her so...depressed. Even when that other guy dumped her way back..that jerk, Gavin... She bounced back. Hmm..maybe it was a guy, but...would She secretly have a boyfriend, without telling me?_

**_~***~_**

The club was crowded and smoky. They got in relatively easily, as Agnes was dead drunk, baring most everything to the guard at the door, and Evan's 'friend' helped them in as well. Once inside, Yukari decided to leave Agnes to whatever and head off, perhaps picking a few guys worth something as well. 

She sat by herself, sipping at a cool alcoholic drink, the band pounding in the back. Her head felt slightly light, probably the alcohol. She tried to keep the negative feelings away, but they washed over her anyway. Why would Hitomi hate her all of a sudden? Was she not being a good enough friend? And, all these mixed feelings for Amano....Yes, She would admit it, to herself if to no one else, she felt attracted to Amano. But...he had always been Hitomi's guy. Yukari seethed, it was so frustrating. 

She suddenly felt a pair of comforting hands massaging her shoulders.

"There there, hun, you'll feel better." A low voice whispered in her ear. Yukari looked up, into the large, crystalline eyes of a young man. He was handsome, very handsome, with olive green eyes and dark blonde hair. His slender fingers massaged her shoulders. He grinned at her.

"Alex Heath." He introduced himself, his smile parting to show perfect pearly whites. Yukari grinned back.

"Yukari." She said. She leaned over the table, feeling her head spin at the sudden movement. "Don't you think," she whispered, "that this world, is crap?" She burst into laughter, knowing all the he while that she was as drunk as Agnes was. How many drinks had she had? Alex grinned.

"Your not crap, baby." He glanced slyly at her, measuring her up and down. Yukari shifted in the tight skirt she wore. She smiled,

"Neither are you."

"What shit the world throwin at ya?" He asked, ordering more drinks for the both of them. Yukari sighed dramatically, and looked at him.

"Well...my best friend hates me, and I'm in love with a guy, but..he doesn't exist, except in my head!" She shouted almost, hitting her head hard.

"Awww...well, you got me." Alex grinned. Yukari paused, then placed a hand on his cheek.

"Yes, baby, I do." 

Alex gulped his drink in one quick motion, he grabbed her hands. "Come on, lets get outta this joint."

Yukari's mind shouted at her to go, telling her to stay and wait for Agnes or Evan to give her a ride back, but she found her body moving of its own accord.

The night air was cool and comforting on her aching head. Yukari stumbled around, finding that they had exited the club through a back alley. It was dark. Alex stood behind her, guiding her by soft nudges on her back. She'd lean back every so often, just to feel his solid presence behind her. They reached a dead end. Yukari turned around, the world was spinning.

"Ummm....there's no place to go?" She looked at Alex. His light hair glinted in the dim light. He grinned at her. She blinked, trying to make her vision stay still. 

"Of course hun.." He suddenly pushed her forward, plastering his lips against her. Yukari grimaced, trying to turn her face away.

"god..no! Go away!" She tried to push him off her, but he was just about as drunk as she was. His body was heavy against her.

"Get off me!" She shouted.

He forced her against the wall, she struggled against him. She tried to scream, but his hand was forced against her mouth.

"I'm gonna take you home, you delicious little girl" He slurred. Yukari's mind cleared suddenly of all drunkenness, everything suddenly coming in sharp. She tried to push him off, struggling with all her strength. But even with his slender form, he overpowered her. Yukari shut her eyes, wishing that she hadn't come , wishing that everything in her life would just be okay, wishing that Hitomi would just go back to being her bets friend, wishing that He would show up.

Suddenly, Alex's body was heavy against her, heavy but still. SHE opened her eyes slowly. Pushing him off her, he landed with a thud on the pavement, dead drunk. Yukari shuddered as his body hit the ground. For what seemed like hours, she stood there, staring at his body. Then, with a shuddering sob, Yukari collapsed, feeling the hard pavement hit her arm. The sobs racked her body, yet she couldn't feel the tears on her face. She felt numb. As she lay there, the pavement cool and damp, she closed her eyes, and shut herself off to the pain. She closed her eyes, the tears leaking out, and everything went painlessly away.

**_~***~_**

_What the hell am I doing? What am I doing here? I'm not like this.....I....I...never get drunk. What the hell..what..god, I hurt.groanWhere are you, where are you? Why can't you be real? Why can't you come to me? Why can't you make her be my best friend again? Why, gods, why is this world so cruel? Just be real! Just come to me!!!!!_

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Slowly, Yukari's eyes fluttered open. Everything seemed blurry. Someone wiped her hot forehead with a damp cloth. God, her head hurt. It must be the worst hangover of her life. Slowly, her memory returned. Agnes' call, the club, all that beer, Alex Heath, the alley, everything rushed back to haunt her. Everything and that feeling of overwhelming pain, overwhelming sadness. Yukari's body shook. Someone placed a cool hand on her arm to still her.

"Shhh...its okay, your safe now." A low voice said softly. Yukari's vision cleared, and she blinked. Her heart stopped.

It was Him. 

**_~***~_**

_Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god....learn to breath, breath..breath....its Himsigh He's standing so close to me, he's looking at me. Straight at me. Oh god, breath Yukari, breath. Just breath. He's so beautiful.....just like in the dreams. Is this a dream? No...I feel awake, I can think....I can control myself...well, I think I can anywaylaugh nervously He's so perfect, definitely drool-worthy..oh god_._ Beautiful blonde hair, amazing blue eyes. He's so....gallant looking. Like a knight. I know I'm blubbering, I know I'm infatuated, this is probably another dream....But..its so much more real than the others, it feels so real, too real! Oh god, I really am going crazy. Well...if it's a dream..then at least I'll enjoy it before I have to wake up......_

  
  



	2. In Dreams : Chap.2 - A New World

**_~***~_**

_I am lying in a bed, in some castle, in some strange place, looking straight at the most beautiful, gorgeous guy I've ever seen, that seems to have stepped right out of my dreams. Yes, I've dreamed him, over and over, a million times. I've fallen in love with that face, but...only in dreams. How many times have I told myself, over and over, he's only a fiction of your imagination. And its true, isn't it? This is my imagination...right? This is way too freaky...._

**_~***~_**

"Where...where am I?" Yukari's eyes were huge. He paced around the room, dressed in odd robes and armor. Like some medieval storybook knight. His long blonde hair was shining, long about his shoulders. He turned, his blue eyes kind. 

"You're in Palas, capital of Asturia."

Yukaria narrowed her eyes, puzzled. As far she knew, there was no country on Earth named Asturia. Perhaps, he means Austria, she thought.

"You mean Austria?"

This time, it was his turn to look puzzled.

"Asturia." He repeated. Yukari looked at him, her head still buzzing from the alcohol. Did she really care where she was? As long as He was there.

"Who...who are you?" She asked softly, her eyes following him around the room. He was wringing clothes and all in all, just making himself busy. 

"I am Allen Schezar, Knight of Asturia."

**_~***~_**

_Okay, I know by this point, I should be convinced that I'm a nutcase. I mean, dreaming up this whole scenario, this is crazy! Okay, I have no clue where I got this 'Asturia' crap, probably from that class we had the other day in music, on Viennese composers of the 17th century..hmm. But its nice..dreamy he's really nice.....Allen Schezar..what a beautiful name...just like him.._

**_~***~_**

Yukari leaned forward slightly. Allen looked at her, sitting at the edge of her bed, holding a bowl of water. Her head ached still, but in his presence, all aches and pains just seemed to diminish. Everything seemed unimportant next to Him. Him...he had a name now. Allen. 

"Allen..." She whispered, tasting the name on her tongue. Allen looked at her. 

"What is your name?" He asked. Yukari leaned back, her headache returning.

"Yukari...Yukari Uchida."

"Yukari," Allen spoke softly, he looked out the window. It was day, yet a large bright moon hung in the sky. "It sounds...like another name." He said softly. Yukari sighed, she could stay like this forever, in his presence. Who cared if she was dreaming? Dreams were often better than the real thing!

"Did you find me?" Yukari asked, memorizing his every feature. He looked at her.

"You were unconscious...The villagers said that you had fallen out of the sky."

"Really..Hmm.." Yukari's eyes fluttered close, she struggled to open them again. "That's nice.....really nice.." she smiled, and sleep overwhelmed her, but she fought it. Allen leaned closer. Yukari breathed deeply, he smelled like metal, metal and roses. A sweet combination. 

"Sleep, Yukari Uchida." Allen said softly, as Yukari fell into the world of sleep.

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Allen drew the covers over her and stood. He watched her even breathing. She looked like a fallen angel, even in sleep, that peacefulness about her never broke. With her dark hair spread around her like a crown, her face, stained with tears, she looked so sad. So helpless. Allen turned, exiting the room quickly. Yukari, that name so similar to another name. The name of a girl from the Mystic Moon that had forever changed the lives of the few that had known her. Allen hardly dared hope where Yukari came from. Yet...everything fit, everything fit perfectly, perhaps too perfectly. Allen hurried down the hallway, his head in the clouds. He hardly noticed when he bumped into someone. 

"Allen!" A voice exclaimed. Allen blinked, his thoughts interuppted. He looked at the voice and bowed. 

"Princess Millerna," He bowed gallantly, as was only proper. Millerna, her golden hair bound by a single tiara, glowed, smiling at him. It was little secret, both to Allen as well to most in the castle, where Millerna's heart lay. 

"I heard rumors about an odd child that had fallen out of the sky!" Millerna glanced at him for answers. Allen nodded. Hardly a child, he thought.

"Yes, the villagers found her, unconscious, near the outskirts of Palas."

"Is she Asturian?" Millerna asked.

Allen shook his head.

"I don't think so..."

"Fanelian then? Fried? Zaibach perhaps?"

Allen shook his head again.

"No...some..some faraway place I think." His eyes were hooded in though, his gaze far-away. "An odd place, I should think."

"Hmm.." Millerna studied his features, then shook her head. "Has she regained consciousness?" 

"Yes, she just awoke."

"Ahh..I see, well, do you mind if I go speak with her, perhaps we can bring her back to where she comes from." Millerna glanced at the door. Allen paused. Something washed over him, an odd feeling. A wave of protectiveness. He stopped Millerna with a hand on her arm.

"Wait, princess, she..she is resting."

Millerna stopped, gazing up at him in surprise.

"Shall I be able to see her then?" She asked finally. Allen shifted uncomfortable, shrinking under Millerna's gaze. He didn't know why he felt so protective, as if the girl could be broken. All he knew was that he wanted no on to speak to her, no one to know, until he himself was sure as to where she came from. He nodded. Opening the door slightly, he peered in. Yukari lay as he had left her, her head turned slightly towards the window, the sunshine glinting off her dark hair. Millerna regarded her. Both were silent for a long while.

"I daren't hope, Allen, as to where she comes."

"Neither do I, Millerna, neither do I."

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**_~***~_**

_This is just a dream..its a dream...its a dream...its a dream..Don't wake up..dont' wake up..don't wake up..sighThis has got to be the best dream I've ever dreamt in my life, I mean, what can beat this? In all the dreams about HIm, up until now, I've never actually spoken to him before, and he's never spoken back! Do I want to wake up? Do I want to open my eyes, and return to my life, return to everything, probably end up in deep crap with my mom for getting drunk, and at worst, still lying in that damn alley, next to that creep. God...why can't I just stay asleep, forever...dreaming my life away......I wish..._

**_~***~_**

Yukari's eyes opened slowly. The room was dark. Was she home? Had Agnes or Kiel found her and driven her home? She steeled herself against a long lecture from her mom. Sitting up quickly, she was greeted with a splitting headache.

"Hangover from hell..." She muttered, holding her head in her hands. SHe knew she had probably drunk a few too many. 

"Head hurt?" A voice spoke from the corner of the room. Yukari's head snapped up. Her eyes tried to peirce the darkness, but the room was pitch black. She felt her way forward. Was she even in her room? Wehre was she?

"Who's there?" She called out, feeling forward. She bumped into something that felt like a small table. The table creaked against the wooden floor. Her room had carpet. A shiver went through her back. Was she still dreaming? BLinking rapidly, her eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness. She could make out a figure seated in the corner, watching her. His blue eyes were light in the darkness. She didn't even have to look twice to know it was Him. What was his name again?...Before she took another step forward, Yukari pinched herself, hard on the arm. If this was a dream, she wanted to know. It was getting way to freaky. THis dream was getting t.....

The figure in the corner made a sudden movement, and light flared through the room. Yukari gasped, shielding her eyes. When her eyes had adjusted, she looked around. She knew she wasn't at home. She was in a large room, wood panelling covered the walls as well as the ceiling. Large french doors stood to one side, curtains covered the windows, allowing little light in. The bed itself was large and luxurious, a canopy bed with red drapes. The figure stood, his armor rustling only softly. Yukari strained to remember his name, she remembered that he had told her..or, had she dreamed that part? What was real and what was not? It was hard to decipher real from dream. 

"Where...where am I?" She asked again, although distinctly remembering having asked before. The figure approached, and Yukari couldn't breathe.

"You're in Palas, Asturia. Do you not remember having awaken once?" He spoke softly. Yukari tried to make out his face more distinctly, but only resulted in making her headache worse. She grimaced, perhaps this _was_ the same dream.

"You are...." She looked up at him, "Allen...Allen Schezar" She said, tasting the name again and again. 

He nodded.

"Yes, and you are Yukari. Tell me Yukari, where do you come from?" He asked. Yukari couldnt' think straight, he was standing so close. She backed up, to clear her mind, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Ummm.." She clutched her head, a wave of pain rushing through her head. Allen crossed the distance between them quickly and placed an arm around her.

"Are you alright?" He asked, concern marring his perfect features. Yukari nodded,

"Yeah..yeah," She looked up, smiling thinly, "Just a hangover."

"Hangover?"

Yukari stared at him. Who didn't' know what a hangover was? What world was this? 

"Yeah...you know, when you party too hardy," Her face twisted into a smile, an expression that Hitomi had often used. Allen looked at her oddly, then shrugged.

"I have never heard of such an infection, but perhaps, it is different from where you come."

Yukari nodded, in a daze. "Yes..yes." She agreed, trying to make her mind accept whatever was going on. "I...I come from..Earth." She said, not knowing any other way to describe it. 

"Where is this Earth?"

"Umm.." Yukari blinked, trying to find the words to describe it. "In..space. Its in space, maybe another universe, perhaps..." She struggled for words. Allen regarded her, then approached the windowed doors that led out onto the balcony. He motioned for her to follow. 

The night air was soft and warm, a pleasant sea breeze blowing from the ocean. Yukari leaned over the railing, amazed.

"This...this is amazing." She whispered, the lights of the city were bright. But so different from her own city. The lights here seemed to glow with an effervescent glow, soft and subtle. So romantic. 

"Yes..it is,isn't it" ALlen could hardly keep the pride out of his voice. Yukari then looked up into the night sky. Her heart stopped. She stared at the large green globe sitting in the sky. It couldn't be...its just couldn't' be.

**_~***~_**

_Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up. I know, I know, I'm being a hyprocrite. I mean, its great, just looking at Allen, he's so beautiful and gallant, just the epitome of everything a guy should be. But...I think, I 've had just about enough of this dream. I mean, its great being here in Palas, or wherever the hell I am, but, god, looking at my own planet from this balcony, just watching it hang there.. Its waaaay too freaky. I know, I've been saying how I want to see Him, Allen, to just...to just live out my dreams. But now that I am, I'm not sure that I want it anymore....Its too scarysighI'm not a coward...I'm just..not as strong as Hitomi, I'll never be...I just want to go back to things that are familiar....._

**_~***~_**

Yukari stared at Earth, her planet that hung in the sky. She blinked, trying to wake up, trying to wake herself up. Her pulse had quickened, she could hardly breathe. Her eyes flickered over to Allen, he was watching her, his hair shone even mroe brightly in the moonlight. Or...would it be..earthlight...Yukari shook her head, she had to think straight.

"That...that's where I come from." She whispered. Allen's expression looked pained.

"The mystic moon..."

"The what?" 

"The mystic moon, its our name for..your Earth." Allen spoke haltingly, almost as if afraid to let something out, some hidden secret. He looked at her,

"You are on the planet Gaea." He explained from her puzzled expression. Yukari looked up at Earth once more, it looked so peaceful from this distance, an untouchable sphere in the sky. It was...so confusing.. A wave of nausea washed over her. Yukari's vision swam, and she fell forward. Allen held her up, preventing her from falling over the railing. She raised a hand to her head.

"God..." She muttered, "...I don't feel so..good.." She whispered, as she lost consciousness, yet again.

Allen supported her, carrying her inside and making her comfortable on the bed. He paused, he stood over her unconscious form. She really was from the Mystic Moon, just like....No, he shouldn't' even think about the name. Allen grimaced, the last month had been hard, trying not to mention of Her in Van's presence. She had affected everyone around her, with her easy smile and bright eyes, especially Van. If Van were to find out, that this Yukari had shown up, perhaps, he would never get over Her. Yes, I think its best, to keep her in secret, Allen thought. He turned, and exited the room quickly, with a purpose.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Yukari opened her eyes, and blinked. The sun streaming into the room was bright. She sat up and looked out the window, her eyes suddenly going wide.

**_~***~_**

_Okay...rapid breathing okay, just..just get a grip, k Yukari, just CALM. Spell CALM, C A L M...breathe..breathe...okay, I'm calm. I'm fine. I can handle this....._

_suppressed scream NO! I'm not fine! Oh my god! I can see my planet in the sky! How fine is that? That is NOT FINE! Okay...okay..its okay, I'll...i'll just...find my way back. Its okay. breathing hard Okay, Yukari, now is not the time to panic. Get a grip...Okay...breathing relaxes _

_First, I've gotta think, I've..gotta take charge. Hitomi's not here, not here to lead the way, I've got to be the leader of myself, so...lead. C'mon brain, think! What am I gonna do!wails I'm stuck here! Wait! ....perhaps..there's a rocket ship, to take me back! Yes! Yes! Wait....no...how did I get here anyway? I..I don't even remember that. Hey....perhaps, Oh my god, what if I was abducted? Just like that X-Files show! Maybe this is some secret government base!...fearfulmaybe...they're gonna do experiments on me. Oh god, what I am I gonna do. But..Allensighsurely he's not an alien, I mean, if aliens look that good, hmm...beam me up, scotty! laughsOkay,stop it!, so, let's just gather the facts....so... god, my brains dead, this is not helping at allmutter....._

**_~***~_**

Yukari stood up quickly, grabbing the table from a headrush. She exited the room quickly. Looking up and down the hallways, it seemed empty. Everything looked so..medieval. Like some fairy tale castle. She walked down the hall, the red carpet soft, her heels digging into the carpet. She started to wish that she'd been abducted wearing a more comfortable outfit. She wiggled in her skirt, pulling it down. 

At the end of the hallway, she came to a door. It was ornate, covered in patterns carved into the wood. There seemed to be voices coming from the other side. Yukari opened the door quickly and stepped in. Perhaps, they could help her get home. 

All conversations stopped. Yukari's eyes widened, she stood in the midst of a throne room. At the head, plump man sat on the throne, a crown on his head. Yukari imagined him to be the king. Beside the king, there were two girls, one with blonde curly hair and one with straight brown hair. Yukari straightened. The king looked at her, his eyebrows raised. He cleared his throat.

"Hmm..and..who may you be?" He spoke with a think accent. Yukari stared at him levelly,

"I'm...Yukari Uchida. And you?" She asked, looking around at all the pairs of eyes focused on her, feeling more than just a little self-conscious. The king chuckled. 

"I'm King Aston, King of Asturia. And who, may I ask, do you think you are, barging into my court, disrupting everything? Hmm?" His voice held a hard edge. Yukari flinched. She guessed that she should've perhaps knocked first.

"Please, your Majesty, she's....she is not well." 

Yukari looked to the new voice. It was Allen Schezar, the Knight that had taken care of her. She blinked. He looked so gallant, so brave, stepping out from his retinue. He glanced at her, then back to his King. Yukari frowned. She was fine.

"I'm feeling fine, I just want you to take me home." Yukari stated clearly, though inside she was trembling.

King Aston regarded Yukari,

"You found her Allen Schezar?" Ignoring Yukari's cold glare.

Allen flushed.

"And where, exactly, did you find her?"

"She was found in the villages, outside Palas, Father." The blonde princess spoke out. Her voice was loud, and firm. 

"Millerna, you're in on this as well?"

Millerna looked at her father levelly. Aston rolled his eyes. With a wave of his hands, he spoke,

"Take her away, dress her properly, then bring her back. I would like to speak with her, find out more on who exactly, she is." Aston turned away to his councillors. Yukari clenched her fists. She hated it when people spoke as if she wasn't there. She stood firm. 

"Hey! You listen to me! I'm not going anywhere, till someone explains stuff to me!"

Two guards stepped forward, each grabbing a hold of Yukari. 

"Hey! Let go of me! Where are you taking me?" Yukari demanded, struggling against the guards. The guards paused, and looked to Aston.

"Take her...to my daughter's quarters. I'm sure Millerna can lend her some decent clothing." 

Millerna nodded, following. 

Yukari narrowed her eyes. 

"What's wrong with my clothing?" She demanded, still struggling. "Hey! Stop! I want some answers! I wanna know how you brought me here! Hey!" She struggled, but the guards led her out the door, despite her struggles and her yells.

They left her in a beautiful chamber, with wide windows and couches everywhere. Yukari glanced warily at the princess, who was bustling about the room. 

"Who..are you?" Yukari demanded. She was on a roll, and wasn't about to let it go. She was tired of sitting back and letting things take charge of her, she was going to take charge! The Princess pulled open a closet and pulled out a long lavender dress. She turned.

"I'm Princess Millerna, and you shall adress me as such." She replied tartly. Yukari seethed. Who gave a damn about princesses and kings? This was all too strange, and she just wanted to go home! This dream was getting old..

"Well..."

"Here, try this." Millerna handed the dress to Yukari. "Maybe a little big, but it'll do."

"No! I'm not changing into anything." Yukari stepped away from her. Millerna looked put off, but replied patiently enough.

"Look, don't be difficult, little girl, my father has a very short temper. You do not want to see him upset."

Yukari blanched only slightly, but stood firm.

"I just want to know, where I am." Yukari spoke slowly, holding her anger back. Millerna looked put off.

"You are in Palas, Asturia. Allen told me that he'd been through this with you." 

"Oh my god..." Yukari sank down onto the soft couch. She gripped her coat firmly around her. Underneath, all she was wearing was a halter top. She had thought all of that dream...but, her mind wasn't making any sense at all. Everything was so jumbled, so confused. She was in some strange country, with people that dressed oddly, and she could see her planet in the sky...and worst of all, this wasn't a dream.

Beside her, Millerna sat down.

"Where are you from?" She asked gently, seeing Yukari's pale face. Yukari swallowed,

"Earth." She whispered. At Millerna's confused look, Yukari pointed out the window. Millerna's face drained of colour.

"The mystic moon?"

Yukari shrugged. "I guess so..." She closed her eyes. She was the one that had wanted the dream to come true. And now, it was true. Why wasn't she happy? She should be happy...He was here. Allen Schezar was here. But still, Yukari trembled at the thought of never seeing her friends, her family again. How would she go back? 

"Here, put this on. My father, he will find a way to sent you home." Millerna handed her the dress, reassurance in her voice. Yukari looked up at her, and was met with quiet confidence. A great weight lifted off Yukari. Here was someone, someone that would take charge, someone that would lead the way. And this Princess Millerna would get her home. Yukari clutched the dress, smiling gratefully.

"Thankyou." She smiled up at the Millerna. Millerna nodded, then left the room to let Yukari change. 

Yukari emerged, more than a little shy, from the rooms. Dressed in the lavender gown, Yukari was afraid to move, lest she ruin the beautiful material. It was like nothing on earth. Millerna awaited her on the outer chambers. Yukari stepped out, closing the inner chamber doors behind her. She glanced shyly at the Princess. 

"Well, you certainly look much better."

Yukari flushed. Even though she didn't want to admit her, her clothes before had been both dirty, as well as more than a little slutty. 

"Ahem.." Someone spoke from behind her. Yukari turned, and saw Allen. Her blush turned an even darker shade of red. He looked at her, up and down, and smiled. "You look very nice in that dress." 

Yukari stared at her feet, suddenly feeling very awkward and ugly standing next to the beautiful Millerna. Millerna smiled, a know-it-all smile,

"Yukari, why don't you step out for a moment. The cooks have set up a meal in the main hall, I'm sure you are hungry?" She smiled sweetly, but her eyes were sharp. Yukari nodded, realizing that she was hungry. She exited quickly ,doing all she could to keep from tripping on the long folds of the dress.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Millerna closed the doors gently after Yukari left the room. She turned, and faced Allen. He regarded the closed doors, his expression thoughtful. Millerna approached him. Taking his hands, she wrapped her fingers through them, entwining hers between his. She smiled up at him, revelling in his aura, his presence. For truth, even his presence gave off a glory, a sensation that made everything brighter. He truly did deserve his title of Heavenly Knight.

"She is like Her." Millerna said softly. Allen, his eyes still on the closed door, nodded.

"Yes..."

"She is from the mystic moon, as well. A place she calls earth."

"Yes.." Allen was motionless, not moving at all. Millerna blinked, then sighed. Ever since the war had ended, she had hoped for an engagement from Allen. A sign, anything to show that he intended to make her his forever. But so far, almost a year since peace had returned, nothing. Not even a comment about marriage. It was like Allen, a knight that feared nothing, feared marriage. Millerna took a step back, looking down to the floor.

"What do you want to do about it?" 

Allen finally shifted, his eyes moving to her. "We shall keep silent. She shall be a villager, from Freid."

Millerna's eyes widened.

"You mean lie? To father?"

Allen laughed, "Millerna, please. You have betrayed your country and run from your father once, don't play the good daughter on me now." 

Millerna narrowed her eyes,

"That was for a cause! What is this for?"

"To save a friend some pain." Allen looked at Millerna, his eyes imploring, reminding her of a certain king. Millerna glanced away. Yes, she remembered. She didn't need the reminders. Van had not recovered from the loss of Hitomi. Even the fact that she was enjoying life, back at home, didn't seem to make him feel any better. In fact, it almost made it worse. Twice, Millerna had accompanied Allen to Fanelia, and both times, Van had been distant and almost robotic. It pained her to see the once-lively young king, so distant and withdrawn. Yes, it would only add pain if he should find out that another one had shown up. She nodded.

"Yes...yes, I think it is best if we keep it a secret." 

Allen nodded.

"It is best."

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**_~***~_**

_This dress is beautiful...everything in this city is beautiful, including the people.sigh dreamilyAllen Schezar, Knight of Asturia. He's so gallant...if only guys on earth could be sooo dreamy..But... then there's Princess Millerna. She's so beautiful, just like the princesses out of the story books. And, its obvious that she's in love with Allen. Maybe..they're engaged to be married, I mean, wouldn't it be just fitting? Princess and Knight, the perfect couple. Sigh And where does that leave me....stuck in this dream._

**_~***~_**

  
  



	3. In Dreams : Chap.3 - A Knight's Heroes

**_~***~_**

_This isn't gonna go away, I've finally accepted that.sighs Yes, I'm stuck here, in this Asturia place. God...I'm so screwed up. Do you think that a person can go so crazy, that they get stuck in their own dreamworld? I mean, isn't this what this is? A dreamworld, that I've made up for myself....Am I that sad now? Yes, that's the answers, that's the only answer. _

_For the longest time, I just sat there, staring up at the sky, willing myself to wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up, I just kept repeating that, but..it never did any good. So..what other explanation do I have? Maybe, I'm just still lying in that alley, and I'm dreaming this all. Like I'm just stuck in my mind, yeah, yes, that's what it is.sighI know its all bull, but...at least its something I can rationalize. Don't you see?! I'm not like Hitomi! I can't just accept things, I can't just, say 'Okay, so this is the situation, lets make the best of it!', No! I cannot! I'm..I've always been, a logical person, and this...this just isn't logical! So...I'll just give myself that explanation, and maybe, I'll just...do as Hitomi does, and make the best of this crazy ass situation.._

**_~***~_**

Yukari knelt slowly, and picked at the yellow flowers that dotted the lawn. Daisies. Just like on earth. How many days had it been since she had awakened, and found herself staring at her planet in the sky? 3 days? 4 days? Or maybe a week? It seemed so jumbled, so confused. Everything was confused. She lifted the daisies, in a bunch up to her nose. They smelt fresh. She blinked, it was early morning, god only knows what day. Yukari wondered if her friends would be missing her. She wondered if they would be worried, would Hitomi even notice? Probably not.

She strolled through the dewy grass. The palace had beautiful gardens, and she had taken to wandering among them, alone. It was almost comforting, to know that here, at least, things were familiar. The plants, the grass, the trees, they were familiar, unlike everything else on this planet. She also escaped to the gardens when the stares and the whispers became too much to bear. And often, they were. She was odd, she was different, and people looked, and people whispered. Rumors circulated the castle, lightning fast, only to be replaced by new ones. Over and over. 

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Allen Schezar, Heavenly Knight of Asturia, knelt before his king, and seethed. Why was King Aston being so stubborn? 

"As I said before, Your Majesty, she is from the outlying villages. She is not well, her parents did not want her, as many in the village thought her crazed. She has fit in well, becoming one of Millerna's handmaidens." Allen explained patiently, for what seemed like the dozenth time. King Aston narrowed his eyes. Something about that explanation was fishy, something just wasn't right, and he was going to get to the bottom of it! 

"Well, then why should we have to become the orphanage for this child?!" Aston exclaimed, pouncing on something, anything, that would make Allen seem a liar. What was about Allen that aggravated him so much? Was it the air of self-confidence? Or the way the Knight held his daughter's heart in the palm of his hand, and didn't seem to notice...Whatever it was, it irritated Aston. Allen looked up at him angrily,

"Your Majesty! It is only a King's duty, and a Knight's honour to do what is best for the people of this country, no, this world!" Allen said, his chin determined. King Aston rolled his eyes,

"Do not tell me my duty, Allen Schezar." He said, his tone sharp. Allen flushed. King Aston sighed, and stood up from his throne. He shook his head, pacing about. He really didn't' understand this boy. He really didn't understand him at all. Allen Schezar could have the entire kingdom at his fingertips, he could have anything. From the kingdom, to his daughter, the Princess Millerna. What else could a man crave? But over and over, Allen had to go and tempt Fate to take it all away, first with that silly war, by running off, and fighting his own petty battles, and now by sticking his head into a business that did not concern him at all! It angered him, how many other knights would give their soul to have what Allen had, but Allen just shrugs it off! Like it matters nothing! Aston ground his teeth in frustration. He sighed, and paused over the kneeling form of Allen. 

"Allen, I do not know what to say. You refuse to tell me the truth about this odd child," He silenced Allen's look of protest, "I can tell a lie, Allen, and you are too honorable to lie well." 

Allen flushed even darker, his eyes staring at the ground. Aston continued,

"But, I shall accept your word of honour, as a Heavenly Knight, that this child is truly as much as you say she is." 

Allen nodded, his golden hair glinting.

"You have my word, Your Majesty."

Aston looked at Allen a moment longer. What a pity, he could have everything, Aston thought. He nodded.

"Alright, you are excused."

Allen bowed, and exited quickly. 

He closed the ornate doors to the throne room gently. Crossing the hall, he checked into Yukari's room. It was empty. He approached the unmade bed and leaned against the window sill. It was a beautiful day, the sea sparkled in the distance. His eyes were caught by a lone figure, wandering amongst the gardens. He peered closer, and saw Yukari, bending over and picking little yellow flowers. She was building quite a bunch. 

Before he even thought about it, he was outside, crossing the field towards her. It was something about her quiet aura, her slight shaky movements that made him feel so protective when he was around her. He came up behind her, softly moving. She didn't notice him, as she continued, walking slowly on. Her plain light blue dress trailed lightly behind her. Allen cleared his throat. Yukari gasped, clearly surprised, she turned, her eyes wide. Allen smiled reassuringly at her, and her face calmed. She was so small, so thin. Whenever he was around her, he felt like his slightest breath would break her in two, she was so different from Hitomi. Hitomi had been strong, had been wild and like a rock amidst the turbulent waters. Allen spoke softly,

"Enjoying the gardens?" He asked, strolling slowly beside her. Yukari blushed, her head tilted forward so that her dark hair covered her face. She nodded. Allen hid a smile, she was so shy. She was so quiet, speaking barely above a whisper since that one outburst in the Great Hall. The sky was light blue, and the clouds were like cotton, drifting slowly in the sky. Allen smiled, the sun warming his face. He wished time could stand still. 

**_~***~_**

_ I can barely breathe when I'm around him, seriously, he just does this to me. I've never felt like this before..not to anyone. I know that if I were to unclasp my hands from holding this damn bunch of flowers, they'd be shaking like all hell had broken loose. sighWhy can't I be calm? I wish I could just..say something! Anything! Anything to break this silence! Maybe...I could say something interesting, or funny and make him laugh...but, my mind is blank. If only I could be like Millerna, she's so perfect. _

_ I stay in one of the inter-connecting rooms that connect to Princess Millerna's chambers. I dont' really do anything...although Millerna tells me that I'm her 'handmaiden'. But in the mornings, we walk together, through the gardens. She loves the flowers, and I don't mind telling her what they are called on Earth. But, I feel so ugly whenever I'm around her. Its like, she just makes everything around her seem less. But, I don't really mind. She's very interesting, she tells me that a great war has just ended. I imagine Allen would've fought in it. Perhaps, I should ask her tomorrow...but then, she's never very willing to speak of it. Well, I wouldn't be too eager to speak of wars either...._

_ I met Millerna's sister the other day..Her name is Eries. She is nice enough, but...somewhat of a stick-in-the-mud. I have never met a worst party pooper! I'm certainly glad she doesn't live on Earth, or she'd be awful to have at a party! I wonder though, Millerna speaks of inheriting the throne. In all the stories...isn't it the older child that gets the crown? Hmm...._

**_~***~_**

Yukari cleared her throat. They had stopped in front of a small pond. 

"Why is it, that Millerna is going to become Queen, not Eries?" Yukari asked, finding nothing better to say. Alllen looked at her, then back out across the pond.

"I'm not sure.....you'll have to ask the Princes herself." 

Yukari nodded, her heart sinking. And now, they were back to square one. 

"How do you like it...here." Allen asked. Yukari nodded enthusiastically, happy for anything to say.

"Its...very beautiful..these buildings." Yukari gestured around at the grand castle. 

Allen nodded, but seemed to expect more. Yukari blinked, staring at the ground. Why couldn't she just look him in the eye? 

"I...I miss it." Yukari blinked away. Everytime she thought about home, every time she thought about Hitomi, or Amano, or even her not so close friends like Agnes, a wave of homesickness and panic would wash over her. She had learned, durning the worst of the hours, to just block the throughts from her mind. "I miss.." She laughed a small laugh, it sounded empty even to her own ears, especially to her own ears, "..everything, actually."

They stopped, both looking out over the pond and the grass that continued after it. Yukari sighed,

"Its so different, I still think its a dream."

"Is it a dream?" Allen asked unexpectedly. Yukari stared up at him, confusion hiding her shyness.

"Well...." She looked confused, "..I didn't think so...you tell me.."

Allen shrugged,

"It feels like a dream to me also, and this is my life."

"Oh?"

Allen nodded, "It feels unreal."

"How so?" Yukari asked. Allen looked down at the soft grass by the pond bank. He sat abruptly, looking up at Yukari to follow suit. She shook her head. "I might get this dress dirty." She said softly, blushing again. Allen shrugged,

"Millerna has plenty. Come on." He grabbed her hand and pulled her down to sit next to him. SHe sat slowly, careful not to rumple the beautiful dress. When she was seated, Allen continued,

"..Did Millerna tell you about a war?"

Yukari nodded, 

"Yes, she said it was a great war, with great heroes that emerged."

Allen nodded. Yukari looked at him, her eyes squinting in the bright sunlight, 

"Were you in the war?"

"Yes, I was. I fought alongside great heroes, as Millerna mentioned." 

Yukari smiled. Allen studied her face. It was so odd, when she smiled, everything about her seemed to smile, from her eyes, to the little dimples that formed on her cheeks. 

"I'm sure she meant you as a great hero, Allen." Yukari chided softly, her eyes dancing. Allen smiled, he couldn't help it, but he shook his head,

"No...no. Millerna speaks of ones that were much greater heroes that I ever was, or ever will be." His eyes became distant, lost in some memory, "They were valiant, and honourable, when honour and valour had little importance in the world. They were courageous, when cowardice was around every turn. They were the perfect knights." Allen smiled softly, his gaze faraway. Yukari stared at him, absorbing every word, trying to picture these knights as Allen described them. She came to the conclusion that they would look like Allen, tall and graceful, yet with a powerful aura. Allen fell silent. Yukari pulled at the blades of grass,

"Who...who were they? How many?" She asked, curious.

"There were two. Two people I will admire for the rest of my life."

"Who...who were they?" Yukari asked again. 

"One was Van, King of Fanelia, a country not far from Asturia. The other..." Allen paused. Should he mention Hitomi? Would she know Hitomi? Allen decided against it. "...the other was...his princess."

Yukari's eyes shone. 

"What did they do?"

Allen smiled at her, "They had a love that could overcome all the evil in this world." 

Yukari sighed, it was so romantic. Something out of a fairytale. Closing her eyes, Yukari imagined this King Van. 

**_~***~_**

_ King Van, and his princess.....sighits so perfect, so romantic. Some great fairytale destiny love, that would span centuries. _

_ King Van...he would be tall, gallant....with beautiful long blonde hair, just like Allen. And he would be proud, very proud. _

_ And his princess...she would beautiful, very beautiful. Like Millerna, only with long auburn hair, hair that would touch the ground. And Van would be in his princess' power whenever she was near, she would have that power over him. When King Van would be around his princess, his pride would crumble, and he would be humbled in her presence...._

_ sighIts soo romantic, its so perfect..._

_I bet every girl in the world would give half their soul to have a love like that. A great love, not just the mushy stuff, but real stuff, like giving your lives for each other love. The love that spans worlds and times....that's the love I think everyone in the world yearns for....._

**_ ~***~  
_**__ "..Yukari?" Allen's voice broke her dreams. She blinked up at him. He was smiling. She smiled back at him, absently. "..Tell me about your world." He asked. Yukari was momentarily taken back. What should she say? But when she finally got a grip on her tongue, she grinned, and began.

"...my world, is really.... busy" She paused, "..for starters.." She laughed at Allen's confused expression. There would be a lot to tell....

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Millerna stood on her balcony, her gaze going down to the two figures, seated in the soft grass by the swan pond. Something gripped her inside. It was Allen, and the strange girl, Yukari. Millerna gripped the railing, her knuckles going white. You're being foolish, she scolded herself. Why, that girl was merely a child! What was there to be jealous of! Surely Allen wouldn't fall for a child! He had tastes in older women, Millerna thought bitterly, remembering the fated day that she had found her older sister, Marlene's, diary. But still..something cast a doubt over her heart, not willing to let her have peace. Maybe it was the way he sat, so careless, so relaxed, down there with her. Millerna watched Allen. He was lying back in the grass, and the girl was talking. Allen was never relaxed around Millerna. He was always stiff, and formal and always always so damn knightly! Millerna almost wished that he would just be himself, just like he was with her....

And then there was that way he reacted every time she was mentioned. So...protective, it was like he thought Yukari was breakable, a glass china doll that he was trying to save! Millerna believed that Allen would go running if Yukari so much as broke a nail! 

Get a grip on yourself, Millerna instructed herself. Your being silly, she thought, turning away from the scene abruptly. It was nothing. And even if there was something, it wouldn't matter. Yukari would have to leave, just like Hitomi did, and whether it was sooner or later, it didn't matter much to the Princess of Asturia. She would have Allen Schezar.....


	4. In Dreams : Chap.4 - Settling Rain

**_~***~_**

_I can't make up my mind.....I really can't. I was never good at making decisions in the first place...I mean, seriously, I'm the one that was always torn between tomàto or tomaeto!! Yeah, I know, sad really..........sighs Hitomi always chose tomaeto...frown_

_Well...I don't know whether I'm happy to be here..or whether I'm dying to get home...I really can't make up my mind..._

_On the one hand, I spend almost everyday with Allen..the Heavenly Knight...oh and he is sooo heaven-sent. We ride sometimes on beautiful horses. Allen said that I could choose one for my very own! I chose a mare, with a shimmering white coat. Her name is Gwynne. Its wonderful, Asturia is full of pastures and fields, it's a beautiful place...no pollution..no noisy cars.._

_But on the other hand......I have been gone from Earth, well...it must be at least 3 weeks now...Certainly my parents must be searching for me! Oh and I miss my friends, and even my parents...a bit... But especially Hitomi, I wish she could be here with me. She would love this, she'd think this one whole adventure..laugh softlyThis is exactly what she dreams of....odd that I'm the one that gets to live it eh?....._

**_~***~_**

"This is impossible!" Yukari exclaimed, sucking on her bleeding thumb. Her embroidery fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. Eries, Millerna's older sister, looked up, frustration eminent in her eyes. She bent over and picked up Yukari's embroidered handkerchief. She dropped it in Yukari's lap.

"Over and under and cross twice! Its not that hard!" Eries exclaimed, turning back to her own work. Yukari rolled her eyes, it was so boring! Almost worst than English class! She traced circles on the plain white fabric. She couldn't count the number of pricks lining her thumb and forefinger from the damn needles. 

"Princess Eries...couldn't...we please do something else?" Yukari asked hesitantly. Even now, Yukari could hardly keep the tremor out of her voice when speaking to the older princess. Eries was so proper, Yukari felt more than a little bit terrified of her. 

"Oh Eries, stop forcing that godawful work on the child, surely, be merciful!" Millerna's voice rang, and she laughed. Yukari turned and looked at Millerna. The younger princess was seated by the open window, staring out at the pouring rain. Eries made a face, but ignored the remark. With a wave of her hand, Eries dismissed Yukari from The boresome work. Yukari stood up and stretched. The tight top of the dress stretched, she felt binded. She approached behind Millerna, watching the rain washing down in torrents from the heavens. Millerna didn't acknowledge her presence, but she spoke anyway,

"I love the sound of the rain hitting the water. It makes such pretty patterns in the water," Millerna gazed out through the window at the dark, sloshing sea in the distance. Yukari listened to the slap of the water hitting water. She nodded,

"Yes, it is very peaceful."

Millerna turned, and looked at the younger girl. "Come with me, Yukari, lets take a walk." She stood. Yukari stared at her,

"In the rain?"

Millerna glanced at her, "You said it was peaceful."

Yukari nodded, and followed The princess out.

  
  


They strolled through The wet grass, getting their shoes dirty. Millerna provided cloaks so as to keep The rain out. They walked in silence, but it was a compatible silence. Finally, Millerna spoke,

"How do you like it, here in Asturia?"

Yukari hid a smile, how many had asked her that. 

"I am becoming accustomed to it." She replied shortly. Millerna nodded. 

"And of The knight?" She asked, her eyes hiding everything. Yukari blinked, and blushed a rosy pink. Millerna took note of her reaction, but, it wasn't unusual. Almost every young girl, from kitchen maid to princesses of other countries, always fell head over heels for The dashing Allen Schezar. The trick was knowing whether he returned The feelings. Yukari withdrew into The hood of her cloak.

"He's very nice." Her voice was high. Yukari hated herself for betraying all her feelings, but she knew that she had The biggest crush on The Knight of Asturia, and she felt guilty, for Millerna was so nice to her. And to repay The princess, Yukari was falling in love with Millerna's guy. Yukari blushed again. Millerna hid a smile, Yukari didn't even realize it sometimes, but her actions were so blunt, so easy to read. Everything about The girl was so easy to read, from the emotions that flitted across her face to the very actions that she did.

"Yes..tell me, where does he take you?" 

Yukari stared at the princess in alarm, then calmed, realizing The innocent question asked.

"We..ride sometimes, through The pastures. Sometimes, he reads or tells me stories of The war. He likes talking about that..." Yukari paused, studying The princess's glazed look, but Millerna shook her head, signaling her to continue. Yukari took a breath, "Sometimes..we just walk, through The gardens. We just talk."

"What about?" Millerna asked sharply. Yukari shrugged,

"Just..stuff I guess. He always asks me how I feel, and I tell him truthfully, that I miss my friends, my family. Sometimes he asks what my world is like, he always asks that. I tell him about my world, my school." She shrugged again, "Just stuff." 

Millerna nodded, silent. 

Yukari wrung her hands under her cloak. She hated this awful tension that was building. 

**_~***~_**

_...what am I to do!! I like Millerna, she's been nothing but kind and compassionate since I got here! I don't want her to think that I'm stealing her guy! fretful_

_..But am I?..._

_No way, I mean, Allen is a Knight and I'm..I'm just some girl that landed in his world. Well...we do spend a lot of time together...._

_No..no there just isn't any way. Allen just likes to hear of my world, and he's just being nice. I think he sees me as a sort of little-sister figure..although, I see him as MUCH more than that.._

_And anyway, why would he even think of me if he could have Millerna. She's...she's just so perfect. She's beautiful, and she's funny and intelligent. Not to mention that if he marries her, he'd be King! _

_The weird thing is, why does Millerna always look so mad at me whenever I speak of Allen to her, or when I return from riding with him! Its like she's jealous or something...but, why should she be jealous of me! I mean..ME!_

_sigh..I'll just ell her she has nothing to worry about...I want her to go back to being my friend, she really is very nice.._

**_~***~_**

"Millerna," Yukari started, turning towards The princess. Millerna looked at Yukari, her eyes attentive. Yukari smiled hesitantly, "Princess Millerna, I don't want you to think that there's anything more than friendship between myself and Allen, because there isn't."

Millerna nodded, masking her emotions skillfully. Yukari continued,

"So..you have nothing to worry about."

Millerna raised her eyes, a look of surprise,

"Who said I was worried?" She asked, an edge to her tone. Yukari stared at The ground. Millerna turned, heading back towards The castle. 

"Its getting dark." She said, without a backward glance at Yukari. Yukari watched The princess, her cloak trailing after her. She gulped, she hated this whole drama.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Yukari blinked, her eyes opening slowly. The next morning had dawned bright and sunny. She sat up slowly, her legs dangling over The edge of The bed. She stretched, then stood up. Crossing The room, she opened The door, entering The outer chambers that connected her room to Millerna's, as wells as to all The other handmaidens. She stared around in bewilderment. Dozens of ladies stood around, surrounded by even more servants and girls of every sort. The ladies were down to their undergarments, and were being measured and fitted. Millerna was in The midst of The fray, directing incoming and outgoing traffic. The princess looked up at Yukari, and a huge smile broke out. Yukari was glad that Millerna wasn't going to stay upset at her. Millerna grabbed Yukari and grinned,

"C'mon Yukari! You have to be fitted for new gowns!" She exclaimed, her golden hair shimmering. Yukari stared at her, almost dragged by Millerna.

"Wha...what? What's going on?"

"Why, Father is going to throw a ball! Kings and queens and duchies of all over will be attending!" Millerna grabbed a tailor and brought him over. Yukari looked at Milllerna. A ball? Wasn't that some sort of dancing.....

"Wait." Yukari stopped The tailor from taking The measurements. He scowled at her, very busy and ticked off that Yukari wasn't cooperating. "Millerna, I...I don't know how to dance..." She trailed off. The princess shook her head, and tossed her hair,

"That's alright, just go there and.....smile and nod a lot!" Millerna was obviously in a good mood. Yukari decided not to pursue, and stood around placidly while her measurements were taken.

Finally, she was allowed to go free. She exited The hectic chambers and wandered down The halls. Asturia's palace was so medieval, something out of a story or a movie. Yukari still almost couldn't believe that she was here, transported back in time...or...was it even back in time? She still got confused over some things, but she had learned to shove The ones that disturbed her most to The back of her mind.

She bumped into someone. She looked up,

"Allen!" She exclaimed. Allen smiled down on her, and it was like sunshine. 

"How are you doing Yukari?"

"Same as yesterday." She replied. Allen smiled. Yukari's replies were so odd, so different. Talking with her never got boring. "Allen, Millerna tells me there's going to be a ball." 

Allen nodded,

"Yes, its in a few weeks. Are you looking forward to it?"

Yukari blushed, her eyes downcast demurely,

"I can't dance."

Allen laughed, "I'm sure you can."

Yukari shook her head, somewhat sadly, "No, I can't. Really..." Yukari's face twisted in a wry smile, "Last time I tried, I fell all over myself."

Allen narrowed his eyes in confusion."You fell all over yourself?" He asked, trying to imagine it, but not really succeeding.

Yukari giggled. He was so cute when he tried to decipher her phrases. She often forgot that everything was so different here. She shook her head,

"Nevermind, anyway, are you going to the ball?"

Allen shook his head, "Dancing and social gatherings have lost their sparkle for me." He answered. 

"Why is that?"

Allen shrugged, "As a young knight, I often prided myself in charming the ladies, in being the king of the ball. But now, it all seems so pointless."

Yukari gazed at him wistfully, almost wishing that Allen was going, to give herself a reason to go. She nodded, not really understanding, but trying to make it look like she did.

"I see."

"You should go, it is a lot of fun." Allen chided her. Yukari looked away, 

"Yet not for you?"

Allen was silent. Yukari sighed, then smiled up at him. She could hardly begrudge him for not attending a ball. 

"Well, I'll see you around."

Allen nodded,

"Are you up to riding, later on?" He asked. Yukari broke into a grin,

"Of course!"

Allen smiled too, "Meet me at the stables."

Yukari nodded, and he was gone.

**_~***~_**

_A ball! A real live ball!!! Oh my god, I can't wait! Only a few more weeks, and I'll be dressed in a beautiful gown, mingling with kings and queens....and although not dancing, I'll socialize maybe! I can't wait!!!_

_...if only Allen would go..._

_sighI can just imagine him there, dancing..whirling and waltzing around. He'd be so dashing, so handsome.. and all the girls would want to dance with him...smile inwardly ..but he would come straight towards me, and he'd take me in his arms....and we'd waltz around. Around and around, in his arms...._

_No...I shouldn't think that. I shouldn't even get my hopes up.....first of all, Allen said he isn't even going to the ball, second, if he did, he would go straight for Millerna...dressed in glittering jewels, the princess of the ball..._

_sigh_

_Oh...but is it so wrong to dream?_

**_~***~_**

  
  



	5. In Dreams : Chap.5 - The FaeryTale Hero

**_~***~_**

_Its so cool! I'm absolutely giddy with excitement! All these kings and queens and dukes and duchesses have arrived from all over the place! They have come for the Grand Ball, and they are staying in the luxurious suites that have been set up for them! sigh I actually helped prepare some of them....they are so beautiful, decorated individually for each important person..._

_Some of them have even arrived here! They started arriving a few days ago, with these royal trains. The kings and the queens would arrive first, usually in carriages, then come all these ladies and knights on horses..then come the servants and all these other people, that probably serve absolutely no purpose at all. Milllerna let me watch them enter. I stood beside her, as a one of her ladies, and greeted them as they entered. I felt so beautiful, there, just greeting the kings and the queens.....god, I don't think I've ever met royalty before...._

**_~***~_**

Yukari turned around, staring at herself in the mirror, her hand going up to brush the hair off her forehead. She stopped and stared at herself, studying her features. Sighing, she flopped onto the couch behind her. Why couldn't she be more beautiful? Perhaps, like Millerna......or maybe as beautiful as Hitomi. Yukari hung her head, she always felt so overshadowed by her best friend, always. Hitomi was so strong, she was always so confident in herself. She was funny, and eas to be around. Everyone couldn't help by love her. Yukari had always envied Hitomi's talent, and her confidence..... Yukari was pulled out of her self-pity by a sharp knock on her door. 

"Umm..come in." She said. She looked up as Allen Schezar entered, his golden hair shining.

"Hello Yukari, where you up to something at the moment?" He asked. Yukari smiled, she couldn't help but blush. She hated what he did to her. She wished that she could just be calm, and composed around him.

"Nothin much....nothing at all."

Allen grinned, "That's good, then would you be interested in meeting the King of Fanelia with me? I'm sure he would be interested in meeting you." Allen's face betrayed none of his emotions. Inside, he was churning with feelings, should he have done that? Perhaps it was too soon for Van. God only knew that he had a fun time getting over Hitomi. Allen clenched his fists, almost certain that it was the wrong thing to do. But it had been the first thing that had popped into his mind upon seeing her. 

He hated what she did to him, made him forget everything else, made his mind go blank. And standing there, in front of her, her dark eyes shining up at him, he couldn't make himself tell her that she couldn't go. Allen blinked, she was just a child, just a girl. 

"Come then, we shall meet Van."

Yukari smiled. "Is that.....the one that fought in the war, your hero?"

Allen paused, confusion crossing his face. Then he laughed, something he didn't do too often.

"Oh!" He laughed again, he had forgotten about that conversation. He nodded, "Yes, my hero." He grinned, imagining Van, his fiery dark eyes, his fierce pride.

Yukari laughed, her smile lighting the room, and followed Allen out of the room, her self-pity forgotten.

  
  


They headed down to the main Hall. Standing on the staircase above the entrance, Allen paused. He put a hand out to stop Yukari. She gazed up at him, her eyes wide, her face peaked. Allen looked down at her, about to say something, but Yukari shook her head, silencing him.

"I know...no mention of where I come from." She smiled up at him, "I know."

Allen almost hated how she could just read his very thoughts. He nodded quickly and led the way into the main hall.

They stood near the back, behind the king. Yukari stood next to some beautifully dressed ladies of court, and she felt even uglier. She suddenly wished that she'd perhaps dressed up a little more. 

Trumpets sounded, and the great doors of the Front Hall opened. Yukari stared as a long procession entered, a retinue of knights and ladies. But it wasn't the knights, nor the beautifully dressed ladies that drew her eyes, it was the young man in the front, the young man with the sad sad eyes. Yukari couldn't tear her eyes away, it was like everything had stopped. Who was he? He had dark hair, and flashing amber eyes, and Yukari didn't doubt that those eyes could hold all the love, or all the hate in the world. He strode forward, his hand over his chest. He bowed low, his cloak brushing the ground, in front of King Aston. King Aston nodded, then rose from his crown.

"King Van of Fanelia, I welcome thee to my court!"

King!? Yukari's mind whirled. Van..? That name...wasn't it, the name that Allen had mentioned..the fairytale hero with his princess....

Yukari blinked, staring hard at King Van of Fanelia. King! He was barely a boy! He looked, at most only a few years older than Yukari herself, if that! Yukari had imagined something along the lines of a great knight, perhaps broad of shoulder and tall. At least something along the image of Allen! But...this young man, standing proudly in front of the King of Asturia, Yukari didn't doubt that he was a good king. Something about his fierce pride, and those glowing amber eyes, Yukari could suddenly see this...boy, fighting proudly, side by side with Allen. Van's eyes shifted, his head turning, as if sensing Yukari's eyes resting on him. His dark eyes met hers. Their eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity. Suddenly, the trumpets sounded again, and the procession left the hall. As he left, Van's eyes never left Yukari's.

"Yukari? Yukari!" Someone was tapping her shoulder. Yukari shook her head, shaking herself out of her thoughts. 

"Uhmm...yes?" She looked up vaguely, and saw Millerna's clear eyes gazing at her. "Millerna..." 

"Yukari," Millerna smiled, "come, there is a garden picnic out by the swan ponds, you would come?"

Yukari turned back to look at the spot where the young king had knelt. She nodded, turning back to Millerna.

"I'd love to."

**_~***~  
_**_Its so strange.....the boy..well, I guess I should address him as King...but..._

_He just doesn't resemble a king. An ideal king anyway. He's so....young._

_But there's something about him, something strange, something so...familiar, I could taste it. Don't you hate it? When, there's something you just know you remember, but when you think about it too hard, it just disappears, like a wisp of smoke that slips through your fingers. Groan I know I've seen, or no...felt, him before. I don't know why...._

_How odd..._

**_~***~_**

Yukari wandered through the garden. Tables had been set out, covered with various goblets and other delicacies for the royalties that had arrived. Yukari felt out of place, plain next to all the other beautiful princesses and queens and duchesses. Servers, dressed in black and white hustled around, hands full with cups and treats. Yukari slowly wandered around the edges of the crowds, not want to be noticed, yet curious about all the people.****__Her eyes caught on the the young king of Fanelia, as he sat, speaking to Allen. They seemed engrossed in their conversation, yet there was a grace about the way they regarded each other, that instantly struck Yukari in knowing that their friendship was deep and rooted. And although taller, and much more the epitome of a knight than Van, Allen spoke to the young king, respect apparent in his features. Yukari wondered what Van could've done to instill such respect in such a knight as Allen Schezar. In the middle of her musings of the two young men, Yukari was rudely shoved aside. A little streak of pink hair flashed past her to the table laden with food, and began shoving food into her mouth like there was no tomorrow. Yukari narrowed her eyes, and glanced around. No one else seemed to be paying any attention to the little girl, but, as Yukari glanced at the seemingly normal child, her eyes widened, for the little girl was like nothing she had ever seen before. The girl turned, her eyes wide staring back at Yukari's gaze. Her eyes suddenly narrowed in a scowl,

"What do you want?" Her voice was whiny and Yukari got the distinct impression of 'BRAT' written on the child's forehead. Yukari was too amazed at the little girl's appearance to retort.

"Umm...what are you?" She asked soflty, peering closer to look at the little girl. The girl looked about 12 or 13 years of age, and would've looked like any child of that age, except for the odd pointed ears, and the long tail that extended behind her. And furthermore, Yukari couldn't shake off the distinct cat-like expression and stance of the girl. The girl narrowed her eyes even further. She reached out a hand and pinched Yukari, hard, on the shoulder.

"OW!" Yukari exclaimed, grabbing her shoulder, imagining a large bruise forming there. "Hey! What was that for?" 

The girl stuck her nose up, a self-righteous look on her face, and returned to her food. Yukari glared at her, an irritation building within her. 

**_~***~_**

_I don't know what to make of this girl! She's certainly the oddest child I've ever seen! She's like half cat and half human...if she weren't so rude, I'd almost feel sorry for her odd looks! I mean, imagine going through life half of something..part human but not quite, part cat, but not quite. I would feel pity...but god, she's such a spoiled brat! I wonder who her parents are! If I were her mom, I'd slap her! laughs sadly reminds of my cousin..back on Earth...sigh..._

**_~***~_**

Yukari glared at the girl, wanting to retaliate, but not wanting to draw attention and make herself look like a child. Yukari found it hard to resist the urge to shove the little cat-girl's face into her plate that she was devouring. With a deep breath, Yukari turned to go, hoping that if she left the girl alone, she'd forget about the incident. But as she turned, she walked straight into someone. The other person exclaimed in surprise, and Yukari stared at the ground, blushing furiosly. How careless! She should've checked if there was anyone around her! She prayed to whatever kind god was out there, that it wasn't going to be some powerful king that would make her look like a fool. She didn't look up, and murmured,

"I'm sorry." She turned to go. Just then the cat-girl shoved past her again, her face in a open book of joy.

"Van!" She yelled and jumped. Yukari looked up and saw the cat-girl hanging off the King of Fanelia's neck. Yukari stared at the young king. His expression was affectionate, and he seemed to be hugging the little cat-girl back. A pang of envy shot through Yukari, though why, she couldn't have answered. The irritation for the bratty cat-girl grew to anger. King Van looked up and smiled at Yukari.

"That's alright. I should've watched my step."

Yukari blushed, wishing that she could have Hitomi's silver tongue. "That's okay." She mumbled. Then looked up to find the young king staring at her, his expression odd. It was a mix of pain and wonderment, but at what, Yukari couldn't quite place. The cat-girl looked at Yukari. Yukari blinked at the both of them, unsure of what to do. It was so odd! Was the cat-girl Allen's explanation of King Van's princess? Surely not! The cat-girl's face suddenly contorted, and she stuck out her tongue rudely. 

"Merle!" Van exclaimed, looking at the cat-girl named Merle. Yukari looked at Van, cautiously, she asked,

"Is she...your princess?" 

Van looked at her, then his face broke into a grin. "She's my sister." 

Yukari smiled, but pointedly ignored Merle, who gave her an 'I-told-you-so' look of accomplishment. Van's face grew somber again, and he peered at Yukari suddenly, his gaze intense. Yukari backed slightly, more than a little self-conscious under the scrutiny.

"Have we met before?" The king of Fanelia asked her. Yukari gazed at him. He wasn't very tall, and she could easily look him in the eye. Her impulse was to say no, but something stopped her. Yukari couldn't quite place it, but something stopped her. It wasn't quite an order, no, it was something much more subtle than that, it was...a feeling.

**_~***~_**

_It's so weird, I mean, I know, I'm positive, that I've never seen this Van before. For one thing, I've never in my 15 years, left Earth, and for another, I'd remember it if I'd met someone like Van. His looks are not something you forget..I'm not sure if it's the eyes, or the gaze, or the way his whole face is set, or maybe its just his aura, but...there's something about him. Something that assures me that, if I'd ever seen him before in my life, I'd know and I'd remember. _

_But yet, the question 'have we met before?'..its just, I don't think I could answer 'no'. Why, I'm not sure. But, it feels like, this is going to sound crazy, but, it feels like I have met him before. Not physically, meeting, no, but....I don't know how to explain this feeling. Its like I've felt his aura, his being before. I'm a nutcase right? Yeah...I know, but, I don't know how else to put it into words!_

**_~***~_**

Yukari looked Van straight in the eye, and Allen's caution earlier on sounded in her ears. She suddenly had an overwhelming urge to tell Van that she came for the 'Mystic Moon'. She opened her mouth to tell it, but someone grabbed her arm. 

"Yukari, come over here! The entertainment is about to begin!" Millerna was holding her arm. The princess nodded to the king, and Van acknowledged her, though his eyes never left Yukari's. Yukari was pulled away through crowds of people, all the while the young king's eyes on her. She hadn't answered him, but she felt that she would've answered wrong whatever she had said. 

And even during the majestic and awe-filled performances of magicians and actors, Yukari couldn't get the feeling of nostalgia out of her mind, out of her heart.

  
  
  
  



	6. In Dreams : Chap.6 - A Blue-Eyed King

**_~***~_**

_ Only a week away, the Grand Ball has been on everybody's mind. A constant hum of excitement goes on around the castle, and everything is being decorated to glitter and shine on the night of the Ball. Everyday, more kings and queens and dukes and duchesses arrive here at the palace. I am allowed to go meet them all with Millerna, and it is so interesting to see all of them! All the kings look so handsome and gallant and majestic, the queens are always decked out in beautiful gowns. It would be nice to be a queen....sigh dreamily_

_ One of the oddest little kings I have ever met was the king of Fried! He could not have been older than 7 years old! I could hardly believe that he was a real king! But he was the cutest thing, all blonde haired and blue-eyed, aww...what a sweetie. He came in, followed by his retinue, and despite his small stature and young appearance, he stood proud, and looked every inch the perfect king. He looked me straight in the eye as he passed, and I smiled at him, and then..he smiled back, dimples showing in his cheeks. The baby fat was hardly off him, but he spoke clearly, and his voice rang through the Great Hall, and everyone was hushed with respect. I, myself, was filled with respect, for this little boy who had to bear the weight of an entire kingdom on his shoulders.._

**_~***~_**

Yukari knelt on the soft grass, the music was playing in the distance. Yet another garden party was being hosted in honour of the royalties that had arrived for the Grand Ball that was only a week away. It seemed that more and more of these little social gatherings were being put forth to entertain and keep the royalties busy. Although not required to attend, Yukari never missed attending, as each experience proved meeting more and more interesting people. Since their initial encounter, Yukari hadn't since seen the young King of Fanelia, Van Fanel. She had kept her eyes open for him though, something about him made something turn within her, something that clicked off an alarm in her mind. She wasn't sure whether it was a good alarm, or a bad one.

Her fingers plucked the little daisies that covered the grass. She had decided to escape the constant flow of dancers that were always present at the social garden parties. Taking a quiet moment for herself, Yukari leaned against a large tree, her eyes travelling far to the distant ocean that bordered the horizon. It had been just past a month, since she had been taken to this other world called Gaea. Yukari often felt guilty that she didnt' feel more homesick for her Earth, for her parents, for her best friend....but, it was odd, for when she looked up in the sky and saw her blue and green planet hanging there, she felt only a dull thud of her heart, something painless, something automatic. 

"Hello, you were in the Great Hall when I arrived, what's your name?" A high, sweet voice rang out behind her. Yukari turned, and looked into the large, clear blue eyes. The little King of Fried looked up at her, his expression curious. Yukari was slightly taken back at the innocent expression on the young boy's face, yet something behind the innocence scared her. Something that shone through, that this little boy, despite his age, had seen too much in his young years. It was almost unnatural for someone so young, to bear so much. Yukari smiled,

"I'm Yukari, and you are the King of Fried." 

The young boy nodded, his expression somber, and his expression was of one who had lived a great many years. "You may call me Chid." And he looked up at her, and Yukari felt a deep respect for this child who bore his duties so gravely.

"Alright Chid, what are you doing, so far from the festivities?"

Chid strugged, and his expression became that of a young child again. "It was boring, I just watch the dancing, and..." He strugged, trailing off, his eyes wandering to the distant ocean that Yukari had been looking at only moments before. "I love the ocean, its so beautiful, I like swimming a lot you know?" He looked up at her, his blue eyes serious.

Yukari smiled,

"So do I."

"I...can't really swim though." Chid looked down at his feet sadly. Yukari knelt down next to him, almost afraid of getting too close for fear of disrespect. 

"I can teach you." Yukari offered. Chid smiled suddenly, and the smile reflected in his entire person. 

"Would you?"

"Of course!"

Chid smiled gratefully up at her, and Yukari felt an overwhelming sense of warmth.

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Van, King of Fanelia, drew his long blade. It shimmered in the sunlight. A great pride welled up within him. Pride for his kingdom, a kingdom that had been rebuilt, seemingly almost overnight. Van thought back, it was almost a year ago, a year since that great war had ended and his heart had been broken into two, one half taken by the girl from the Mystic Moon. His eyes wandered briefly up to the shining moon, that even in broad daylight, hung in the sky. He quickly tore his eyes away. Van had learned, the painful way, that it was best just to let go, as quickly as possible. His sword arm hung limp by his side, the tip just barely touching the marble roof of the Asturian castle. A bitter expression crossed his young features. How many nights, had been spent, listlessly staring up at that moon, willing her to come back, just for one second, so that he could tell her, tell her that he loved her? Too many, and as he had been clouded by his grief, a year had passed. No, thought Van, I must be a good king. And he shook his head, his eyes staring at the floor. 

"All alone up here?" A voice interrupted his thoughts. Van looked up to see Allen Schezar, arms crossed over his chest, looking thoughtful. Van turned to face him, and shook his head,

"Not anymore." Van smiled at his long-time friend. The Knight and the King had grown close over the past year. Only Allen understood Van's festering love for Hitomi, a love that was in vain. And only Van understood Allen's feelings of honor and valor. Allen nodded and approached Van. 

Their eyes rested for a moment, and an agreement passing silently between them. Allen drew his long sword, and Van raised his. 

Their swords met in a clash of metal that wrung through the still air. A light sweat broke out on Van's forehead as Allen blocked his thrust, and returned one of his own. Van grunted, his back pressed against a marble pillar as Allen leaned in with his thrust, putting his full weight in the attack. Van shouted something undecipherable, and pushed Allen back. They faced each other, Allen was grinning, Van was catching his breath. The younger longed for the day that he would overcome this knight in battle, so far, it had not happened. 

"Argh!" Van shouted, his blade slicing through the air. The metal clashed, the sound loud in the still air. Allen blocked easily, and danced out of the way. Van, seeing an opening, charged, his blade glinting dangerously. 

"Ah hah!" Van exclaimed, thinking he finally had the heavenly knight. But in a whirl of golden hair and robes, Allen dodged out of the way, and his sword point was at Van's throat. 

"Very good, King of Fanelia, you almost had me this time."

Van shut his eye, taking deep breaths. Then, he grinned up at the knight. His whole face was alight.

"I did, didn't I."

Allen nodded, smiling. Van straightened, and resheathed his long blade. Allen did the same. Van turned, his hands placed on the balcony. They were standing on the palace roof, and the Asturian landscape stretched out for miles on all sides. Van's gaze flickered to the large crowd of dancing couples out on the lawn. The late afternoon sun cast long shadows over their dancing forms. His eyes followed the people, the laughing lovers, the giggling ladies, the jovial kings and dukes. Two lone figures caught his eyes. They were apart, seated by a small pond. 

"Chid is here." Van commented. Allen nodded, his expression a mask of emotions. It was a secret, that only few knew, that Chid was really Allen's son, the result of a secret love affair with Chid mother, Princess Marlene. 

"Yes," Allen finally answered, "I saw him enter. He's quite the young man."

Van nodded in agreement. His eyes traveled from Chid to the figure next to him. It was that strange little lady, Yukari something or other. Something about her, something that he couldn't pinpoint struck a chord within him, something that he couldn't decipher. She was different, she was odd...everything she did, was so, so damn familiar, so similar to the someone else, someone that Van tried not to think about. But her memory came running back to him anyway. An overwhelming sense of nostalgia flooded him. Van's eyes traveled up to the large moon that hung in the sky, and the oh-so familiar wrenching pain within him gripped his heart so suddenly, and so painfully, that Van gasped with it. Oh god, not now, not now, Van thought, struggling to keep his face a mask. Allen heard his friend's choked gasp, and noticed Van's struggling expression to stay calm. 

"Van..." Allen reached out his hand.

Van turned his head, ashamed to show his feelings so clearly. A king should be strong, should be firm, not crying. But Van felt the hot tears welling up in his eyes. He shook his head quickly.

"No!" He spoke sharply, "No..I'm fine." 

Allen nodded, understanding Van's fierce pride. "Yes, everything is fine..." Allen muttered softly. Van's eyes were shut, and Allen crossed himself again, please, he prayed to the gods, never let me love so deep that I hurt so much. Allen issued the silent prayer to whatever god was out there. 

**_~***~_**

_ Chid is a little sweetheart! He's absolutely adorable! But he hates it when I treat him like a little boy, which he is. I sometimes feel so sad for him, I mean...he's just a little kid, who should be having fun, with no responsibilities you know? But..he's gotta run a country! and, I always thought that I had huge responsibilities....._

**_~***~_**

Yukari slowly climbed the stairs up to her chambers on the third floor. Her fingers gripped the little chain of daisies that hung around her neck. The chain of daisies that the little king of Fried had made for her. She had spent the afternoon, teaching Chid to weave daisies, and make grass balls. A part of her felt sorry for the young boy-king. How much would he miss out on? Entire years that were meant for fun and play, and carelessness, for Chid, they would never be. Yukari remembered the days when all that mattered was whether she'd get chips for lunch the next day, and what she'd bring for show-and-tell, days when she'd been free and worried about nothing. These things, Chid would never experience.

Yukari entered the antechambers of her bedroom and looked around. It was empty, where was everyone? She sighed and flopped down on a couch. She still couldn't believe this life she was leading. It was so...perfect, almost. Sure there were chores, and everything was so backward...but there was a simpleness to this lifestyle and world, a simpleness that seemed to have become lost in her own world. The outside sky was darkening to a purple, and the sun was low in the sky. She didn't' notice the figure standing in the doorway, watching her.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Allen watched her, standing in the shadows of the doorway. She hadn't noticed him passing by. The sun glinting off her dark hair caught his eye, as he passed, and he had stopped to just watch her. 

Van had decided to retire to his chambers, and Allen felt his heart go out to his friend's pain. Even now, so long after She had left, Van still hurt, and Allen still felt the sorrow so strong off his friend. Thinking about Her, Allen watched Yukari's slight movements as she gazed out the window, and realized how very similar they were. Of course, he thought to himself, they are from the same world. But..it was more than that. It was more than just a similarity..it was an essence within them both. Allen remembered, Hitomi had a light within her, and this Yukari had a light within her too. True, they were different, but both were equally captivating. Allen didn't want to think what would happen if Van found out where Yukari was from. 

Yukari turned, and was a little surprised to find a figure standing silently in the doorway. She stood up, and peered into the darkness. Allen quickly stepped into the light. Yukari's face melted into a smile.

"Hello Allen."

Allen nodded an acknowledgment, and approached her. "I noticed you were away from the festivities?"

Yukari nodded, "Yes, I.. met a young boy-king. King Chid of Fried. He was quite charming." She smiled, "like his father perhaps?" Her eyes gazed at him, and Allen froze. How had she known? Most in Asturia didn't know... Allen stared at her, surprise and shame registering on his face at the same time. Yukari looked away, somewhat embarrassed, 

"You two look very much alike." She explained.

Allen looked away. "Yes, we do, don't we?" He replied absently, his eyes going far away. Yukari nodded, blushing slightly. Allen shook his head, clearing the memories that haunted him. "Yes...well, come with me for a walk?" He offered his arm. Yukari smiled, looking up at him, her eyes shining. She smoothed out the dress, and took his arm. 

  
  


Outside, the air was turning chilly. Allen noticed Yukari's slight trembling, and her chattering teeth. He wrapped his cloak around her thin form. She smiled gratefully up at him. They walked slowly, many attendants were about, cleaning up after the dancing and the food. The evening garden lights were on and lit, illuminating the pathway, making eerie shadows on everything. Yukari glanced up at the moon, which was only more prominent in the night-time sky. 

"You feel sad?" Allen asked softly. Yukari shook her head slowly, the feeling of homesickness passing almost as quickly as it had come. 

"No..I don't. It...looks so peaceful up there, just hanging in the sky. Like a painted picture..sort of."

Allen looked at her strangely, but didn't comment. It was her turn to talk. Yukari sighed. 

"Its just that...its hard there."

Allen glanced sideways at her, "Hard?"

Yukari nodded, "Yes, " she laughed, and it sounded harsh, even to her own ears, "very hard indeed. Its, very modern there." She laughed again, lookign at Allen. He always loved hearing about her Earth, about her life. He was always fascinated by the modern technology that she described to him, painted for him in his imagination. 

"So I heard." Allen said. Yukari smiled,

"But life here is simple, it is enjoyable."

"I would comment, if I knew life there." Allen said softly. Yukari paused, then stopped, and turned to face the knight.

"Why is it, Allen Schezar, that you are not happy? You continually ask me, if I am happy, yet, you yourself, are not."

"I am happy." Allen said, avoiding her gaze. 

"You are not! And, what's more, it is so obvious to me, and to others, that....you should not even bother hiding it!" Yukari exclaimed, her eyes wide, "You should just, tell someone what the hell is making you sad, and perhaps, that would make you feel better than penting it all up inside! Do you have any idea how frustrating and annoying it is to see you there, all absorbed in self-pity!?!" Yukari took a deep breath. Allen was wide-eyed and speechless with surprise.

"Uhhhh.." He faltered. "Umm.." He wasn't sure of what to say.

Yukari blinked, then looked away, looking somewhat surprised herself. 

**_~***~_**

_ Oh my god...what did I just do!?! I just yelled at a heavenly knight! He could just freaking run me through with his sword! ....but what's more, I just yelled at the person that has been the kindest, most understanding person that I've ever encountered. He's been nothing but nice since I landed under, even I have to admit, odd circumstances. I mean.....it is hard to accept some person that insists she's from the moon, and he just..accepts it and moves on. I am SO grateful to Allen for everything he's done for me....and I show my thanks by poking my nose into business that probably doesn't even concern me! What right do I have to yell at him?_

**_~***~_**

"I'm so sorry Allen, really...I really don't have any right..." Yukari mumbled, her face turning a bright shade of red. 

"No!...no.." Allen started toward her, a hand placed on her shoulder. "No." He said softly. His hand reached under her chin, and he lifted her face up to look into her eyes. "You have every right. I did not think anyone noticed."

Yukari shook her head ever so slightly, "I noticed." She whispered. 

Allen gulped, his heart beating rapidly. What was she doing to him? She had known him only a few weeks, yet...how did she read him so well? Everything within him was so jumbled, how did she know everything he was thinking and feeling? He nodded, now it was him avoiding her gaze. A fear crept into him, a fear that she was reawakening something within him that he had thought lost, and had accepted as lost. 

"Ummm..." Allen couldn't remember the last time he had been so at a loss for words. "I just remember, umm..I had to..go, do something..." Allen looked back at the suddenly-inviting privacy of the castle chambers. Yukari nodded,

"yeah, umm, me too." She nodded, backing away slightly. She ran into a rosebush, the thorn pricking her sharply. She felt numb to the pain but she exclaimed anyway. Tumbling backwards, she landed, sprawled on her back, horrified at what had just happened. Allen rushed forward, only to trip over her exposed legs and land practically on top of Yukari. He could not believe his clumsiness, that he, a knight, had tripped. He scrambled to his feet, awkward and struck dumb. He turned two shades of red, only to switch to blue. Breathe, he instructed himself.

"umm.." He turned slightly towards the castle. Her eyes were like two glowing lamps in the darkness, and they regarded him with wide-eyed wonder. "I'm..gonna go..uh..yeah." He stumbled away, shoving the leaves off him as he hurried away, feeling like a complete fool, hating that his image of the perfect heavenly knight had, for the moment, left him, and most of all, confused at the feelings that made his stomach turn circles and his heart beat wildly.

Yukari stared after Allen's stumbling, retreating form. What had just happened? 

**_~***~_**

_ What just happened there? I just made a complete fool of myself, god, I'm SUCH an IDIOT! Why did I have to go and trip over that damn bush, god I hate myself! I wish I was more coordinated!, god....what the hell am I thinking!? I'm thinking in circles again, I'm being stupid again!blushing furiously god, I just made a complete ass of myself..I probably should've just kept my huge mouth shut and just walked, probably would've turned out better._

**_~***~_**


	7. In Dreams : Chap.7 - The Grand Ball

**Chap.7**

**_~***~_**

_The Grand Ball is tomorrow! I'm so excited...I'm gonna get to see all those kings and queens dancing and..perhaps Millerna will even let me meet them! Millerna has been sort of stony around me lately....well, it could be because she's preoccupied with all the guests and all...but I swear she gave me a dirty look when I passed her this morning on my way to the gardens..._

_Yes..the gardens, I spend most of my time there now. Every since that very embarrassing incident with the bush and my overly big mouth, Allen has been sort of avoiding me, I think anyway. We never go riding anymore, and I barely ever see him sigh Lessons in knowing when and when not to keep your mouth shut eh?_

_I spend most of my days just thinking....a lot of quiet time is spent just playing with the swans and stuff. I'm pretty sure I've never spent as much thinking and wondering about totally useless topics... I've also been teaching Chid how to swim! Yes, I know, what if he drowns...then I'm sure I'd be beheaded laughs nervously oh well...I'm a good swimmer and all..and anyways, we swim in water that like comes up to my waist, which is just deep enough for Chid. He's a really sweet kid...and I've sort of seen past his whole "kingly presence" thing, he's just any normal little boy that just wants to have fun really...._

**_~***~_**

Yukari laughed, as Chid splashed around in the clear pond water. He was trying to catch the little water skimmers that appeared in the waters around the late-afternoons. He succeeded only in being drenched again and again as he pounced on another wary skimmer. Yukari was seated on the soft bank, watching him, ready to jump in if need be. The air was getting cool, and Yukari couldn't help but shiver involuntarily. Chid was grinning widely, and he blinked up at Yukari.

"C'mon! These little critters are fast!" He jumped yet again, and yet another skimmer dodged his reach. Yukari smiled. The little boy-king was absolutely glowing with excitement and joy. It made her feel good, to see him so happy. She felt that she just had to get him to be happy, it was almost something she had to do. 

As the sky darkened, a cool wind started up. 

"Chid, I think its best we go in now, its getting cool." 

Chid looked up at her,

"I'm not cold."

"But I am." Yukari smiled, and Chid nodded right away. The little boy had the honor of any full-grown knight.

"Let's go in then." Chid grinned, and skipped over to Yukari, splashing a great deal of water in the process. Dressed only in pants that acted as makeshift swimming trunks, Yukari pulled off her own cloak and wrapped it around the little boy. Chid was starting to shiver, and his lower lip was slightly blue. He looked grateful. His small hand reached out, and grasped Yukari's own. Yukari smiled, and they walked hand in hand towards the palace again.

****************************

Allen watched from a parapet window, as the two made their way back towards the castle. He had been watching them for a while. Watched as Chid had splashed around, happier than Allen had ever seen him in his young life. Was it just the day? Or...perhaps was it the girl? Allen turned and stopped short. Van was standing there, his arms crossed, a highly-amused expression on his face. Allen looked at him, then narrowed his eyes, and opened his mouth to say something, but Van beat him to it.

"You disappear, most everyday, just when the sun starts to set. So this is where you go." Van said. Was it only his imagination, or did Van's voice contain suppressed laughter? Allen looked annoyed, unsure of how else to react, so caught off guard he was. 

"The sun is magnificent from this view." He finally replied, racking his brain for some sort of better answer. Van laughed, and looked out the window. 

"Or perhaps Yukari is magnificent from this view." One eye quirked at Allen. Allen looked away, trying not to turn three shades of red. His last embarrassing moment had not been pleasant, and he had decided that he didn't like it. 

"I hadn't noticed." Allen said through pressed lips. Van's expression was jovial. Happy for the first time in what seems like months and its at my expense, Allen thought wryly. 

"Hmmm...what _is_ it about her? Even I feel something, its odd. She's so...familiar, it scares me." Van said. Allen looked at his friend in surprise. It was rare that Van Fanel would be so open about how he felt. Usually, Allen had to pry the feelings out of his friend. Van's expression was somber now, and tinted with sadness, but he didn't' look pained, and for that, Allen was grateful. 

"Yes, she is familiar somehow." Allen agreed. Van looked at Allen, and he looked as if something was on his mind and had been bothering him for sometime. 

"Allen, I mean no disrespect, but.....who exactly is she? I've..never seen her at the court of Asturia before, much less as one of Millerna's ladies. Where is she from?" 

Allen froze. His honour told him not to lie, to tell his friend the truth. But, Van didn't deserve any more pain. He had to put up with so much already. Allen didn't want to be the one that reopened a newly closed wound. 

"She's...uh..from Fried. She, umm, its somewhat complicated but, Millerna had pity on her." Allen closed his eyes. How stupid was that. It was the first kingdom that had popped into his mind. Van narrowed his eyes, he could sense that something about the whole story didnt' ring true, but he couldn't quite pinpoint it. 

"Right." Van looked at Allen, trying to read the expression on the knight's face. Allen seemed to be hiding something, something or other. "From Fried." He said, and Allen nodded. Was it only his imagination? Or had Allen gone a few shades pale? Van shrugged, and turned away. How could he doubt a knight, much less Allen Schezar? Allen was the epitome of the perfect knight, and everyone knew, knights didn't lie. "Well, she's indoor now, you'd have a better view away from that window." The cheeky glint returned to Van's eye. Allen smiled.

"Yes, I would, wouldn't I?"

Van nodded, "Shall we go down and join the rest of the world?" 

"We shall." Allen smiled and followed Van out room.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

**_~***~_**

_Oh my gosh!!! These dresses are tiny!! Absolutely tiny! These corset things are soo tight, I can't breath! gasps Eries is the one that is in charge of making me look nice....she says its a tough job, I just laughed at her, although inside, I am troubled. Am I really so ugly?...Millerna has been locked away the entire day, from the beginning of dawn to late afternoon, no doubt slaving away at making herself beautiful....but it would pay off later I bet I've seen Millerna's gown, its sooo beautiful. Its pale silver, encrusted with diamonds, of course, she's probably going to be the center of all attention sigh_

_enviously...Hmm...I've been given this lilac gown, its sort of plain. Its one of Millerna's, and, even though it may not be the most stylish thing in the the palace....or in this world...or in this universe...hell, the dress is a piece of crap! Its so not fair! ...well, I understand that I'm not a princess, or something interesting or important like that..but, I shouldn't be made to wear a piece of crap!!!!! God I'm so mad! But the worst thing is..that I can't even say anything, or else it'd seem...well, ungrateful!..I mean, Millerna has already done so much for me.....god, I don't know what to feel..I'm not gonna even think about Allen, cuz that would just screw me over..._

**_~***~_**

Yukari stood, in front of the large mirror, staring unhappily at her reflection. The dress was so ugly. It had frills around the shoulders, and it was plain and an ugly, dull, gay purple. It was too big in the front, and sagged, and too short around the legs, making her look both fat and gawky at the same time. But worst of all, she had nothing else to wear. This was her last resort, and god, was it an awful one. Her hair, at least, chose to co-operate today. It was shining, and silken. It hung perfectly down her shoulders, it had grown to be quite long. Flopping discontentedly onto the bed, Yukari shut her eyes, imagining another dress, perhaps something that had more...style perhaps? Yukari had half a mind to not even attend the damn ball. 

She wasn't how long she lay there, just staring at the ornately designed ceiling of her private chambers. She was surprised to hear a slight knock at the door, and someone spoke.

"Yukari?" 

Yukari sat up, pushing her dress so that it covered her knees. Looking outside, she noticed that it was already dark, the sun only a faint shadow on the horizon. Had she fallen asleep? Glancing at herslef in the mirror, she was horrified to find that she looked tired, and messy. 

"Uhmm....uhh, one second." She called, using her fingers to brush out her hair, and trying to clear her bleary eyes. Finally, she opened the door hesitatingly. "Sorry...I.." She trailed off, seeing that it wasn't Millerna. It was the Fanelian king, Van. He looked at her, a bemused expression on his face. "Uh...hello...your majesty." She said, caught off guard.

"Hello Yukari. Well, you certainly look nice this evening." He commented. Yukari rolled her eyes, then blushed at how rude that action must've looked. 

"Umm, no, not really. This ugly old thing," She laughed nervously. Van quirked a smile, and Yukari looked at him oddly. A smile suited him. 

"May I enter?" He asked. Yukari blushed fiercely and stepped backwards.

"Oh yes, of course! Yes, come in." She reprimanded herself for not thinking of that sooner. He stepped in. She noticed that he was dressed in a long cape, with a tunic of bright buckles, and high-topped boots. He looked every inch the royal King he was. Yukari flushed with shame at the tattered shape her own gown was in, and a surge of anger at Millerna flowed through her. Van was studying her intently, and Yukari looked around, uncomfortable. There was something about Van, something strange, a strange vibe that came from her.

"You are from Freid?" He asked suddenly, unexpectedly. Yukari looked at him, confused, then understood. Of course, that was what Allen would've told him. She nodded quickly.

"Yes." 

Van fell silent, and studied her some more. 

"You are not, are you?" He finally said, his amber eyes piercing her, making her feel so transparent to him, that he could read everything she felt and thought. 

"Urm...uhh, yeah..I am." She lifted her chin stubbornly, returning his gaze.

"Hmmm..." Was all he said. He suddenly turned and exited the room. Yukari stared after him, shocked. Was he angry now? Upset? But the door opened again, and he entered again, this time carrying a large parcel. He set it down gingerly on the bed.

"Here, this is for you." He said shortly, and stepped back, regarding her. Yukari looked at him uncertainly. He nodded, "Go on, open it." He smiled lopsidedly, "Something like....Christmas?" 

Yukari looked at him, confused. This king had many cards up his sleeve. 

"Yes...like Christmas." Her face broke into a smile, how ludicrous. How did Van, King of Fanelia in a world called Gaea, where the earth hung in the sky like the moon, how did he know about a holiday like Christmas, when many countries on Earth didn't know about it! Yukari shrugged, and opened the package gingerly.

A quick intake of breath, and Yukari gasped. She stepped back, after peeling away all the folds of paper and ribbon. Her hand rose to her mouth in surprise and amazement, but mostly in wonderment.

"Oh my god...I.." She stopped short.

On the bed, lying amidst a pile of what looked like folds of cloth and ribbon, was a shimmering gown. It was no ordinary gown, no it seemed in shine, even in the dimly lit room. It was every colour, as it was composed of beads that seemed to glisten, even as the dress lay there on the bed, unmoving. It was long, and, unlike the other gowns of the time, it had a modern style that came from Yukari's own world. It was sleek, and narrow through the hips and legs. It looked like something off a Milan runway, something that only models would ever touch and wear. Something one was afraid to breath on.

"Oh, your majesty, I couldn't." She backed away from the gown, almost as if its glow would be too much to bear. Van laughed then. 

"Please, call me Van. And, yes you can. Wasn't it you yourself that said that what you wore was, an...'ugly old thing?'," Van laughed, and smiled. "Well, now you don't have to hide up here." 

Yukari was turning three shades of purple, so embarrassed, yet overjoyed. 

"How....who's..." A million questions coursed through her mind. Van didn't have a queen did he? Whose dress was it? Had Van gotten a tailor to make it? But Van only smiled,

"It was...for someone else. She...she was to wear it on our wedding day...but," His smile was tainted with sadness and pain, "but..she left." He turned away, and looked out the window. Yukari's heart wrenched. There was so much pain, just in his expression and in his voice. 

"I couldn't.." Yukari whispered, "I couldn't wear something so special."

"No." Van turned, and whispered fiercely, and his eyes sparked, "you must, she would want this."

Yukari's eyes gazed at the dress, then at the pain-filled king. Who was this mysterious princess that first Allen mentions, and now Van speaks of with so much pain? Van's eyes pleaded,

"Please, Yukari, wear it. If, not for me, then, for Allen." 

Yukari blushed. Van smiled sadly,

"He is waiting down there." 

Her head shot up. "He went?"

Van shrugged, "I guess he had motivation." He looked at her pointedly. Yukari blushed deeper. 

"Oh." Was all she said. Van turned and headed out the door.

"I'll be waiting out here."

*****************************

Van faced out the window, his gaze once more going to that goddamn moon. He tore his eyes away. Was this the right thing? Hitomi herself had drawn the sketches for that dress. It had been for their special day. Van remembered...

_Flash_ "Van! Look, look, look what I drew!" Hitomi ran up to him, her green eyes positively glowing. Van's heart wrenched. How much he loved her, he couldn't' describe, but always that feeling of dread that one day, she would have to leave, always loomed over him. He looked at the few pieces of parchment that she grasped. On them, were simple sketches of figures, on them, were painted on different styles of gowns, styles of which he had never seen before.

"Hmm, what are these Hitomi?"

"They're sketches, of dresses. These dresses, Van, they are the dresses from my world. This is what people wear when they go to fancy parties, or dances..." She stopped, gazing lovingly into Van's eyes. How precious their time was now, how little of it was left. Van felt a love that he thought he would never feel again.

"Hitomi," 

"Yes Van?" She gazed expectantly into his eyes. He always felt as if she could read him like an open book, could sense his every thought.

"Do people in your world, wear these dresses when.." He trailed off. Hitomi blinked, her green eyes like pools of depth less water.

"When what Van?"

Van hesitated, but his heart and soul wouldn't be denied. "When a person gets married?" 

Hitomi's eyes grew huge, then she smiled, a big smile. A smile that contained all her love for him.

"Yes, Van. They do wear these dresses."

_End of Flash_

  
  


Van remembered that later, he had ordered the best tailors in the nation to recreate those dresses on the paper. How long it had taken, to laboriously sew on each and every bead. How many pearls had had to be collected? But through the entire thing, Hitomi had been there. Van turned, and his soul wrenched. Yukari stood there, gazing down at the ground, dressed in the gown that had been intended for marriage. Yukari fit perfectly in the gown, her slender form accented by the gown, only more so because of the glistening pearls. Her dark hair was a sharp contrast from the pale dress, and Yukari's even paler skin. Her dark eyes were luminous and dark. She could outshine any princess. Van smiled at her.

"Much better, don't you think?" 

Yukari smiled, but then gazed up at him, unsure. "Van, are you sure?" Her fingers traced a bead. 

Van smiled, was he sure? Would this dress cause too much pain? Would this dress reopen a freshly closed wound? There was something about this girl, something different, something he couldn't pinpoint. But he was sure.

"I'm sure Yukari."

Yukari smiled, and that aura around her only heightened. Van offered his arm. 

"Shall we?" He smiled. 

Yukari slipped her arm through his, and, though her heart was shaking a mile a minute, exited the warm comforts of her private, safe quarters.

******************************************

Allen glanced once more out the window. The time was dragging on forever, and the ball had only just barely begun. He stood near the wall, trying to blend in without making it seem too obvious. The royalties whirled around, their gowns glistening and shimmering in the brightly lit hall. The orchestra honked out tune after tune. But Allen was not in the mood to be taken up in the festivities. He thought back wistfully, back to when he had used to own these kinds of social events. How all the ladies had gathered up, to dance with him. How he had been the king of the ball. Now look at him, sniveling in the corner, almost afraid to come out. Part of it could be because, if he entered the main circle of events, Millerna would surely notice him, and require it of him to dance with her, which it was only his duty to do so. Allen couldn't quite figure out why this was a bad thing. His eyes traveled to the center of all the dancing, to find Millerna, her face breaking into a perfect smile, dancing perfectly with some other royalty. He knew, it was no secret, what she wanted, what she felt for him. And he should be happy, for, Millerna was both beautiful as well as pleasant, and even more, she was princess, which would make him king if he married her. But why did he cower in the corner, afraid for lest she should request to dance with him.

He kept pushing that one question that kept nagging at him. Pushing it to the back corners of his mind, but it kept resurfacing. His eyes scanned the crowds of people and dancers, searching out one individual, but found nothing. He tried not to think about it. He was being silly, how idiotic for a knight to act like this, like a coward, sneaking peeks into the crowd, looking for a silly girl. She was only a girl, that's all. That's all she ever was...but, his heart throbbed painfully at the thought of her smiling up at him. What did she do to him?! Wasn't she the reason he was attending this damn thing in the first place? No, his rational mind told him slowly, no, you came because you are obliged to. But....you didn't' have to, his heart burst forth again, returning the comment. 

"Stop it." He muttered, silencing his inner voices. How meddlesome they could be! He barely even noticed that a hush had fallen over the crowds of royalty, until someone elbowed him in the ribs, and whispered,

"Look! Look!"

Allen turned, and tried to peer around the pillar he was hiding behind, but whoever it was, that one person had managed to drop a silence over the entire room. He turned to the person to his right, who happened to be a commander in the Asturian army. 

"Who is she? Why is everyone so quiet?" He asked. The commander seemed absorbed in whatever he was looking at. 

"She walks in beauty." The commander breathed. Allen rolled his eyes, and moved to another area where he could get a better view. He crossed a crowd of dancers, and then a group of ladies. Someone grabbed a hold of his cloak. He turned, and saw Van. 

"Van! Who...what's going on?" 

Allen wondered at the excited expression on Van's face, his slightly flushed cheeks. He just pulled Allen along gently, weaving through the people. Allen followed, mostly because he was too confused not to.

Suddenly the people cleared, and Allen saw what was the center of attention. Allen stopped short, his legs not quite working anymore. It was a girl, yes, that part was true, but woman would've fitted the term much better. She was dressed in a glittering, jeweled dress, that was unlike anything he had ever seen. It was....so elegant, and yet, accenting every curve and line in the girl's slender form. The dress itself could've outdone any queen or princess, but even more surprising was the girl wearing it. Allen stared in open-mouthed wonderment, as Yukari, her cheeks blushing, stared at her feet. She looked.....so different, yet, some part of him had always pictured her like this. Allen had to take several moments before he could find his tongue. 

"Yukari! What..." He trailed off.

Yukari blushed, her eyes going to all the pairs of eyes regarding her. Van tugged at his sleeve,

"Do something!" He hissed. Allen immediately took action, mostly because he didn't know what else to do.

"Start the music." He turned to the orchestra. The conductor nodded, and turned back to the players. A quick waltz quickly picked up. Most of the people had their fun of gawking, and left, returning back to their dancing and socializing. Allen approached Yukari, he felt his knees going weak. What was happening to him? Had he ever felt like this before? 

"You came." He said finally. Yukari nodded, her dark eyes not meeting his.

"So did you." She whispered. The slender bones of her fingers reached up to brush a stray hair from her face. Her hair was so dark, so glossy. 

Around them, couples whirled and danced. And in the midst of all that dancing, they stood there, staring at each other, each unsure of what the other was thinking, each unsure of what each was supposed to do. 

Finally, Allen remembered to be a man, and he extended his hand, trying to stop it from shaking too noticeably. What did she do to him? He was a knight, he shouldn't behave like this. But that didn't stop his emotions from flooding him.

"May I, have this dance?" He asked finally. 

Yukari looked away, trying to hide a smile that made her entire face light up so that his heart seemed to be gripped in an iron fist.

"I can't dance." She muttered, backing away slightly. Allen smiled, she was so cute. Taking one of her hands, he spoke,

"I'll teach you."

**_~***~_**

_I clearly remember this scene from a dream, I swear I do. I was embarrassed, first, I thought Van had deserted me, and then all those awful people just stared at me, like I was a freak! But...its all worth it, I'm sure I've dreamed this before. I know it. Because, its like one of those moments, moments that only really happen in movies, where the girl thinks she's hit the bottom, only to find that her guy is waiting for her at the end of the road! But..I've proven that, its not only in movies! This moment, it was like every second was a millenia, do you get what I mean? I could feel my heart beating every second, and...it dragged on forever. But, I really would've have had it any other way. Its one of those moments, these moments that I know I will remember forever, and someday perhaps it will be these moments that I tell my children about..._

_God, I cannot believe this. I am dancing with Allen Schezar. Could I be hoping too hard that he feels the same for me that I feel for him? No, I will not dwell in the present, I will hope that later. For now, I've got to know, is this a dream?....am I dreaming within a dream?_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. In Dreams : Chap.8 - Seven Minutes in He...

The song ended, and everything seemed to slow. Yukari, her chin resting against Allen, thought she was in heaven. Seven minutes in heaven, a game she used to play at parties, came to mind, only..those heavens never even came close to this one. She sighed contentedly. Allen stopped, and parted. He looked down at her, the sight of him took her breath away. He was so beautiful, it hurt. Without words, he took her hand, and drew her towards the doors that led out towards the balcony. 

It was a starry night, one of those nights that only seem to appear in romance movies, those kinds of nights were everything is just perfect. They stood, both leaning lightly against the railing, close, but not too close. Neither knew what to say. 

Finally, Allen cleared his throat.

"You're dress is beautiful." He said. Then caught himself, and blushed, "umm..er..you are beautiful..I mean, both, you and it...uh.." He looked flustered.

Yukari smiled, pleasantly surprised that she didn't' feel the embarrassment emanating off him and striking her. She felt good. She felt beautiful, her hair was soft on her shoulders, and she felt like she could own the world. 

"Thankyou, Allen." She smiled her beautiful smile, and she felt that she had all the confidence in the world. He glanced down, and seemed to shrink. What was wrong with him? He never had trouble knowing what to say, he was never tongue-tied, ever. He was supposed to be the lady's man, dammit! It was Yukari, who spoke next. "The stars are so lovely, sometimes, from Earth, I watch the sky, and I used to wonder if anything was out there." Her dark eyes turned out to the night sky. Allen looked at her,

"Did you find the answer?" He asked softly. She turned to look at him, and he felt his knees turn to jelly. He hated the feeling, of being helpless, of losing control, and yet, he knew he wouldn't give up this moment for the world. 

Her eyes were like diamonds, and no matter how gay that phrase was, Allen couldn't find words to describe it any other way. 

"I think I did." She answered. 

He looked down at her upturned face, her pale lips, her creamy skin. And something came over him.

Gently, he leaned down, and kissed her. 

**_~***~_**

_I am kissing Allen Schezar, oh god, I must be in heaven. He is such an amazing kisser, like god, its so pure, it hurts sometimes. I cannot believe he would kiss me, I mean me, Yukari Uchida, I'm not even beautiful....Maybe I'm in love...what a stupid thought..how can I be in love, I barely know him.._

_But..that's a lie, isn't it? I mean, I do know him, I do know Allen Schezar. The weird thing is, sometimes, I can tell how he's feeling, or what he's thinking, just by how he looks, or what he says. He's so proud, Allen is. Its like, his honor and his image are everything to him...like he's spent an entire lifetime just building this image of a knight....god, perhaps I'm reading too far into this. But, I do know him, and sometimes, I can even picture how he'd react to certain things. So..am I in love with him? ..that would certainly explain this fluttering in the pit of my stomach, and this pounding in my chest._

**_~***~_**

When they parted, Yukari smiled at him. It was a soft smile, and she seemed to glow with an inner warmth. 

But Allen trembled. His soul quaked, and he felt nauseous. Not because kissing her had been terrible, no it had been the opposite. It had been wonderful. And that was the part that scared him the most. 

"Allen.." Yukari beamed up at him. Allen suddenly took a step back, uncertain, his heart pounding painfully in his chest. 

"Umm...uhh..I have..uh..I just remembered.." He looked towards the suddenly inviting castle doors. "I'll see ya later." He said quickly, then shot off that balcony as fast as he could. 

Yukari stared after him. She glanced down at her hand, and noticed she was trembling. What was up with him?

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Allen hurried away, he felt dizzy. He stumbled blindly through the crowds of dancers. His mind was blank. His heart...his heart was coursing as if filled with new blood. 

He vaguely recalled seeing Millerna trying to cut through the crowd to get to him, but a the first sight of her, he turned around and left the room from a side door. 

The darkness was a relief from the bright lights of the Great Hall. He fumbled around in the darkness, until he found a soft bench. Sagging down onto it, Allen found he was trembling. Why...why was he reacting like this? It wasn't the first kiss he had ever had..no, he had experience. He had lots of experience. But then...why? 

He couldn't even answer his own question. Worse, he didn't want to. All he knew, was that at that moment when he had kissed Yukari Uchida, he had known that things would never be the same again. His life, was changed forever. But the part of him that cried out, was the part that didn't want things to change. He was happy, or so he thought he was. He had a good life, he was respected and renowned, he had close friends like Van Fanel. The one thing that he lacked.....no, he wouldn't think about that.

Suddenly, light flooded the room. Allen blinked, his eyes squinting in the sudden bright. He looked around, and realized he was in the small coat room that adjoined the entrance hall. Van stood in the doorway opposite the one Allen had entered in. Coats were hung around him, on long racks. Van looked at him for a moment, then entered the room and closed the door.

"Hmm...not enjoying the party?" Van asked, as he too sagged down on to the bench. Allen laughed wryly, he suddenly felt better now that he wasn't alone. Everything became clearer, not so vague and confused. 

"Just..needed a break." Allen said, then sighed. Van looked at him.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Van nodded, then looked away. Allen sighed again. Van smiled inwardly, until Allen sat up and spoke first.

"Fine, okay, something's wrong."

Van hid his smile, and looked at his friend. He frowned. He had never seen Allen in such a state of disorientation. His golden hair, usually so non-plussed, was all over the place, his cheeks were flushed, and he looked like he was in a high state of anxiety. Van nodded. Allen took a deep breath. 

"I......" He trailed off. Van raised an eye. 

"Yes?"

"I...." Allen tried again, then broke off again. Van rolled his eyes. He knew what this was. How obvious were the signs? He knew how it felt. Even now, the ache within him throbbed from the memory of it. But Van didn't say anything. Allen needed to say it himself, he needed time to convince himself. Someone had finally broken down his barriers, one by one, the Heavenly Knight was vulnerable. And Allen hated every minute of it. Van smiled,

"What is it, Allen?"

Allen opened his mouth, then closed it, then started again. He looked like a fish out of water, quite comical really. Although Van didn't mention this, for Allen was having a hard enough time as it was. Van was getting slightly impatient,

"Does..have something to do with...perhaps, oh...I don't know..Yukari?" He looked at Allen. Allen turned crimson. 

"Ummm..no." He muttered.

Van looked away. 

"Sure." He said, quietly, though a smile was painted on his lips. Allen heard the humor, and the tease in the words. He was not in a good mood. 

"Okay, fine, it does." He stood suddenly, "I have to go attend to Millerna." He headed out. Van stared. 

"Well...where is she?"

Allen turned, annoyance on his face. "Who?"

"You know, Yukari."

Allen turned away again.

"Out on the balcony, at least, that's where she was when I left." He shrugged and headed out. Van could only shake his head, when it came to matters of the heart, Allen Schezar, Heavenly Knight, was not too hot.

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~***~_**

_I think I did something wrong, I think I did. Oh god, did I just screw up with the guy of my dreams? I mean, I think everything went okay...I mean, did I kiss wrong or something? Cuz...when Allen made that hasty exit...again...he had this look of...well, horror on his face, as if he couldn't believe he'd just done that or something. Am I that horrible? I didn't think so......god, this can like totally ruin your self-esteem laughs bitterly This is SOOO FRUSTRATING!! God, if you're up there..please answer my prayers...just..give me the gift to read minds....that would solve a ton-load of problems, seriously. I mean, god, if I could read minds, life would be perfect. I would know why Allen gets so upset everything he's with me, I'd know why Hitomi's so strange...I'd even know what Amano really thinks about me....laughs although...it would sort of ruin the surprise of it....._

**_~***~_**

Yukari leaned out over the balcony railing. She was exactly where Allen had left her. After his hasty departure, she first had to get over her total shock at having kissed him, then she had this period of self-doubt and hate where she thought she was awful, and now, she was back to the wonderment and amazement stage where she just could not believe that she'd just kissed Allen Schezar. Sighing, she stared out and glanced up at the night sky. It really was a beautiful night.....

"Yukari?" 

She turned quickly, but the hope died with her when she saw that it was only Van. 

"Hey, Van." She forced a smile. 

Van stood next to her. His expression was sober, and Yukari noticed that, although in a different way, Van was really just as good-looking as Allen was. She wondered who the mysterious princess that he loved was. 

"You know, Yukari, love is a strange thing." His voice carried only a hint of pain. Yukari looked over at him, and noticed his face was carefully expressionless when he spoke. She laughed, trying to make it sound light, but it only succeeded in sounding bitter.

"Hmm..strange."

Van nodded, his gaze creeping up to the large moon. Yukari followed his gaze. Her earth hung in the sky, and an overwhelming feeling of homesickness washed over her. It was a feeling like the day after Christmas, where all the glitter has just left, and all your left with is the wrappings. She empty suddenly, and she yearned to be back home, with her mom and dad, with Amano and perhaps, even Hitomi. She sighed. 

"Sometimes, I dream about her." Van said. Yukari was somewhat surprised at his abruptness. She turned and faced him.

"You must've really loved her."

Van nodded.

"Yeah....I did."

Yukari smiled. "That's sweet. Why..." She paused unsure, but Van nodded her onward. "Why did she leave you then?"

Van's eyes seemed glued on the huge moon in the sky. "I...I never told her..how I felt. I was...too proud." A deep hurt crossed his face, a look of regret. "And I kept my pride, but what good is pride, when I lost her?" 

Yukari stared up at the moon. Pride, what a silly thing. Yet so many risk everything for it. Van tore his gaze from his reverie, and looked at Yukari.

"Allen is proud, Yukari, that's why he can't admit what he feels. He doesn't want to feel human again."

Yukari looked sadly at him. "It is...not fun sometimes, to feel like this."

Van shook his head, a wry smile twisting his lips. "That's for sure." He smiled, then shook his head again. "No, once, long ago, Allen Schezar let people in. But then, he was hurt. And since then, he....barricades himself away from people, blocks them out. He figures that if he doesn't let anyone become close, then anyone close to him cannot be hurt, and in turn, he would not be hurt." Van paused and looked at Yukari, that nagging feeling that something about her was so familiar never left him. "Already, you have become too close for comfort to him." He grinned. Yukari flushed.

"If he doesn't want anyone to care, then...why doesn't he just say so!" She cried, deeply hurt somehow. She was somewhat consoled that Allen cared about her, but also hurt, because he didn't want to care about her. She turned away. She tried to shrug off the awaiting tears and the hurt, but it just wouldn't go away. "Why won't he just....stop hurting people himself then, if he hates being hurt.." She muttered. 

Van smiled to himself. 

"He doesn't mean it, most of the time."

"Hmpff.." Yukari started to leave. She had enough hurt and humiliation for a lifetime, and she felt that a good sleep, perhaps, would get her back on her feet. 

But as she left, Van stopped her, placing a hand on her elbow. His eyes were dark, and depth less. His expression suddenly serious.

"Don't give up on love. If you find that you have found love, then don't let it go. Don't be too proud."

Yukari was silent a long time. Finally, she looked up at him.

"Shouldn't you be taking your own advice as well?"

Van looked stunned. Yukari turned on him,

"I'm sorry if I overstep my boundaries, King Van of Fanelia, but...I cannot help but feel the grief, and the pain that you have felt over the loss of this princess. Even I, who've just met you, can tell that what you had with her was love. If you tell me, not to give up on love, than why have you given up?" Her eyes pierced into him. 

Van looked away. He shuddered.

"Its different." He whispered hoarsely.

"No matter the odds, you should not give up." Yukari laughed then, "If only knew how hard it was for me." 

Van was silent a while. He glanced up at the moon, at the earth that hung in the sky. He seemed to be searching for something. Yukari broke the silence.

"Tell me about her." 

Van drew a breath. He wasn't sure whether he was ready to or not...So long, he had buried his memories, his feelings underneath layers and layers of anger and pain.

"She....she wasn't a princess, actually." He said finally. "She was...extraordinary. I did not even know I loved her, until it was too late."

"Was she...beautiful?" Yukari ventured.

Van smiled, "Oh yes, she was very beautiful. And she had the most amazing, depthless green eyes, I have never seen the likes again." He smiled at the memory. 

"What happened, Van? Why did she leave you?" 

Van looked away. The pain seemed to strike him unarmed. His voice was strained when he spoke.

"She...she had a choice. And she offered me, the chance to make her decision for her. She said, if I would fight for her, then she would fight for me." His head hung, "I...I was young then, perhaps a little hot-headed, and very proud. So proud, like Allen is now. I...could not give up my pride. I let her go. She left, because I could not tell her." Van seemed lost in his pain and in his thoughts. "I loved her, so much, I couldn't bear it. Hitomi was everything to me...."

Yukari was listening to the beautiful, yet so sad story of the young king, when the name popped up out of nowhere. 

Yukari stared at Van, her heart racing.

"Excuse me?" She blinked. Van looked at her, startled at her sudden expression.

"uhh..I was just talking..."

Yukari shook her head, "No..no, I mean..the name. What was her name?"

"Hitomi." Van said. 

His voice rang in her ears. Suddenly, everything became so clear and so very understandable. It was like a broken puzzle, Yukari had all the pieces but one, and with this last piece, it had solved the puzzle. 

"Oh god.." Yukari breathed, her gaze traveling to the large moon. "Oh god."

  
  
  
  



	9. In Dreams : Chap.9 - Visions

Chap.9 - Visions

**_~***~_**

_Just breath, Yukari, just breath. breathing rapidly Oh god oh god oh god...I haven't freaked this big since I landed in this dream! GOD!!! Do I hear right? Did...did Van just say..Hitomi? _

_Well..I guess its sort of a common name..._

_...its just too perfect! I won't believe it! Especially since...Hitomi didn't even tell me about it hurt I mean..I was totally planning on telling her, whenever I got back..wasn't I?_

_I mean..eventually, I probably would've gotten back, and Hitomi would've been the first I'd tell! She's my best friend for gods' sake! That's what best friends are for! Your supposed to tell them every god damn thing that happens!!!!!!!_

_sigh She even fell in love with a king while she was here sadly and she didn't even tell me about it..._

_This just..explains everything, I guess...._

_So much for a best friend..._

**_~***~_**

Yukari stared at Van, her eyes getting huger and huger as the new knowledge registered in her mind. Hitomi..here on Gaea, the princess of some king, finding love, then losing it all in one journey back..and unable to even tell her best friend. Yukari ached with sadness.

"Hitomi Kanzaki..." Yukari whispered. And this time it was Van's turn to stare.

"You...you know her?" 

Yukari looked away, suddenly feeling so tired that she found it hard not to collapse. She nodded, 

"Yes." She asnwered, her voice barely audible. Van gripped the railing of the balcony, his face going pale. Yukari smiled bitterly, "It is a day for surprises, isn't it."

"As much for you as for me." Van answered, his dark eyes up at the moon searching for something that he had lost so long ago. Van's gaze flickered on Yukari, "You come from the mystic moon?"

She nodded. 

"I...Does...Hitomi...ever..speak...of ...me?" He asked slowly. His face full of anguish. Yukari shook her head slowly,

"She doesn't speak much of anything, lately."

Van nodded. "I see. And Allen told you to keep silent?"

Yukari nodded again.

Van turned away, his fists clenched angrily. Yukari suddenly choked on her tears, unsure of why she felt such a sudden sadness overwhelming her. Perhaps it was the wave of homesickness that suddenly overwhelmed her, that she mistook for sadness. Home...She'd forgotten what it felt like to sit in her room, with the sunlight filtering in. Forgotten what it felt like to sleep through another boring English class. God, now, she'd give anything to sit through one of those classes, with Amano writing her notes....She sighed, the tears stinging her eyes.

"I have to go." She murmured through clenched teeth. Turning, she fled, just as Allen had fled. Perhaps, it was only human nature to flee when pain drew too close......

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Allen was dancing, his mind wandering while his body was strictly formal while he glided around the ballroom, Millerna in his arms. She lay in his arms, reveling every moment with the Heavenly Knight, while Allen couldn't keep his mind off Yukari. What an idiot he was for running off like that without even an explanation! He mentally kicked himself over and over, what a dope, what an idiot.....

Suddenly, his gaze caught a flicker in the crowd, a dark head that he recognized. Yukari, her eyes red-rimmed pushed her way through the crowd. 

Allen's heart seemed to stop, then pulse wildly. He hated what she did to him, yet at the same time, he loved it. He stopped, and Millerna glanced up at him in surprise.

"Allen?" 

Allen suddenly let her go, as if some robot had suddenly over come him. Millerna's eyes widened in surprise. Allen, his gaze never leaving that dark head, and the dress that shimmered. He tried to push his way through the crowds of dancers, and she disappeared from his view. 

"Yukari!" Allen called, oblivious to the stares and the murmurs. 

Millerna glanced around, blushing furiously.

"Allen!" She hissed angrily. Grabbing a hold of his sleeve, she pulled him away from the direction he was traveling in. "What are you doing?" 

Allen watched as Yukari disappeared in the sea of people, his heart throbbing. He turned back to Millerna, suddenly feeling too old, and too tired. He looked down at the princess,

"I was just..." He paused, the words dying on his lips. What was he doing? Was he trying to speak to Yukari? Would it be okay, to tell Millerna how he feel? He sure know what Millerna felt for him. Allen glanced away, "I was...I don't know, Millerna." He gazed at her, suddenly looking bleak, "I don't know what I was doing."

Millerna sighed. She looked away as well. They stood, still, in the midst of the festivities. 

"Come." She commanded. It wasn't the request of a lady to her love, it was the command of a princess to her knight. Allen followed her obediently. 

She walked out, into the dark night air. The garden's were alit with moonlight and small lamps that were lit. Everything seemed magical and so much like a dream. Allen thought how very beautiful, Yukari would look, with the moonlight highlighting her hair, and the lighting glistening in her eyes. He was shaken back into reality, but a soft hand on his elbow.

"Allen.." Millerna whispered softly. Her golden was held up by a thin circlet. She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart beating. It fluttered, uncertain. She wondered when Allen Schezar had become so weak like that of any normal human being. He used to be so...heavenly. When had he become so mortal? Millerna closed her eyes, and she knew the answer even before she had to ask it. "Allen, my heavenly knight, when have you lost your heart?"

Allen closed his eyes. Millerna's hair smelled like roses, like lilacs on a warm spring day. Millerna offered much. She offered the kingdom of Asturia, she offered him the chance to be king. She offered wealth, fame, prosperity....Allen turned his head. But could she quell the love that had infected him? 

"My heart is as it always has been, my princess." Allen replied through clenched teeth. Millerna laughed, and the bitterness was pointed at herself.

"For years, I have loved you. I feel...I could not have loved you more." She stood straight, and gazed at him levelly. Her blue eyes were dark, devoid of emotion. "And just as I believe, that you truly are incapable of human emotion, you turn and fall in love, right under my nose." Her eyes glistened, and Allen's heart wrenched. He never meant to hurt anybody. 

"Millerna..."

"No!" She shook his hand away. "No.." She whispered. Then she turned back to him, "I...I do not begrudge you love." She looked at him, and two large tears rolled ddown her face. "But..why could it not have been me? Why can I never win?"

Allen stood, infinitely straight and tall. His face was a mask of emotion, betraying nothing, as Millerna broke down in front of him. Finally, he spoke,

"I am sorry." He said softly.

Millerna turned away from him, gazing out at the distant sea. 

"I am sorry too." Millerna spoke softly, her voice carried a hard edge. Turnign abruptly, she re-entered the ballroom. 

Allen did not look at her, instead, all he felt was a soft dull pain.

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**_~***~_**

_For the first time, since I've come to this new world, I want to go home. I seriously want to go home. I'm sitting here, by the window, and the moon is up. My Earth, I feel this huge pit in me. I never thought I'd feel like this in Gaea, this place with Allen and Millerna and this fairy tale setting was supposed to be heaven...supposed to be anyway._

_sigh When did things get confusing? When I started to fall for Allen? No, I don't think so. I think I've been in love with him forever..well..if not him, then at least his face from my dreams..perhaps, I wasn't in love then. Perhaps I was just enraptured..(I like that word)...in his beauty. I think I'm in love with him now..because I feel that even if he were an ugly hag, I would still love him, because of HIM..not his beauty. I would love him because of his loyalty, his courage, his very knightliness..is there a word like that?.._

_Maybe that's the difference between love and like...And do I dare hope that he would love me back? _

_And now, as if that weren't confusing enough, this whole business with Hitomi is thrown at me. Hitomi, my best friend, has been on this world! And she did not even tell me! half-sob My god, Hitomi..she's been my best friend forever! I don't think anyone, but a person who has a best friend, knows how I feel!....._

_Freakin, she's always told me everything, EVERYTHING!_

_It hurts, it really does, it hurt from the inside...I feel like...I've lost something so close to my heart. Something I never acknowledged was there, and now that its gone, I realize how much it meant to me._

**_~***~_**

Staring up at the mystic moon, her Earth, Yukari sighed again. She sat on the windown ledge, in her room. All was dark and silent. The ball continued, but her room was quiet. She felt numb. How many others, before her, had been here, to experience this dream. Only to return to earth, and speak nothing of it. Hitomi for one, Yukari thought bitterly. It stung, it really did, to have a best friend, only to realize that your friendship had withered away to nothingness. 

Yukari wondered when her time would be up. Would she return to Earth too, silent and secretive about her adventures? Would she go back, silent and changed forever? Even before asking, she knew the answer. This experience had changed her life, it had changed her entire viewpoint. How many months had she spent here? In entire bliss and peacefulness, two months? Three months? Maybe more? Time seemed to flow differently here. Here, on Gaea, in a land called Asturia, she'd made friends, she'd met people, she'd lived, and she'd loved. 

And these memories she would carry with her forever.

And somehow, even with the unbearable pain that Hitomi had caused her by her keeping silent, Yukari knew that she too, would not speak of it. It made her feel better, it nursed her wounds, to know that if and when she returned, the only one to know of her adventures would be herself. It was like a treasure chest, in which only she held the key. Was this how Hitomi had felt? Had Hitomi too, been affected so deeply by her brief stay on this world, that she felt like she guarded a part of herself, with her secrecy?

Yukari could only wonder. 

Changing out of Van's beautiful dress, Yukari glanced at it. She couldnt' bear to look at it. It had been Hitomi's. That was for sure.

Placing it gently on the dresser, she was careful to not wrinkle it. Let Van keep it, as a part of his memory of Hitomi.

Falling onto the bed, Yukari realized how very tired she was, and she fell into a fitful sleep.

She was awakened, by a sharp rap on the door. Opening her eyes groggily, Yukari sat up and realized it was daylight. She stood, and opened the door, knowing she was a mess. Millerna stood in the doorway, looking annoyed. Millerna didn't look too great either. Her eyes were dark and circled with fatigue.

"Chid has been looking for you." Millerna announced. Her blue eyes lingered on Yukari for too long, and there was something sharp in her gaze. Yukari seemed to shrivel.

"Umm..okay." She nodded. Millerna turned to go. Yukari cleared her throat, "Umm, Princess Millerna?"

The Princess of Asturia turned, "Yes?" 

"Are you alright?"

Millerna turned, "Fine." Her voice was crisp, painfully emotionless. Yukari stared at the retreat princess. Why was she so upset? Yukari looked up and noticed Eries, the older princess gazing at her. It was easy to forget Princess Eries was there sometimes. She resembled such a shadow, never in the spotlight like Millerna. Yukari suddenly sympathized with the older princess. She lacked Millerna's vibrant colours and bright personality. Where Millerna was solid and captivating, Eries was subtle and darker. Yukari knew what it felt like to be overshadowed, and yet unable to do anything about it. Crossing the room, Yukari stood next to Eries, who was busy crocheting a small hankerchief. 

"Why is Millerna so mad at me? Have I angered her in some way?"

Eries only sighed, her long straight brown hair barely rustling. 

"Millerna is frustrated, Yukari, she must make a decision soon. My father presses it on her, to rule a kingdom, while her heart pulls her in the other direction. It is not right, but she takes it out on you."

Yukari threw herself onto the seat across from Eries,

"But why? Why can't she just do what her heart tells her too! It would make everyone's day a little better!" Yukari threw her hands up, at that moment, she felt just as frustrated as Millerna. Eries glanced up, her eyes not unkind.

"Because, she may love all she wants, but even a princess of Asturia cannot capture a heart, if that heart is already taken." Eries paused, "Allen Schezar has been the only one that Millerna has ever loved. And now that he loves someone else, she can hardly bear it."

Yukari froze. Her face paling, 

"Who..." But the question did not have to be asked. She knew. Suddenly, she wished it weren't true, though her heart sang from the joy of it. Eries smiled tightly.

"Yes, Allen loves you, Yukari. And it galls her, Yukari, that he has just met you, and yet, he loves you more than he has ever loved her."

Yukari stared at her hands, flushing, feeling a horrible sense of shame and guilt.

"I didn't mean to." She whispered.

Eries laughed. It sounded cold, and too cruel. But when Yukari looked up, Eries wasn't angry, only blunt.

"Everyone means to, we always say we don't, but things happen because of what we do. And everyone has complete control over what they do. Although, your intentions might've lain elsewhere, you knew full well that Allen Schezar would love you, and that you, too, would love him in return."

Yukari glanced away. A deep guilt, doubled by the pain of knowledge about Hitomi, made her feel even more homesick than ever. She suddenly had a vision of Amano, laughing at one of her jokes, a vision of her mother, smiling at her good marks, even of Hitomi, giggling as they stayed up all night. It struck with the force of a thousand knives, and she almost doubled over with the pain of it.

**_~***~_**

_Allen Schezar loves me. Me, Yukari Uchida, Allen loves me. Should I be happy? Yes. Should I feel joy? Yes. _

_Yet..why do I not?_

**_~***~_**

**__**__Eries' voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"I think Chid is searching for you." She reminded gently.

"Oh..right. Thankyou" Yukari stood quickly, happy for anything to get her mind off of her current dilemma. Chid would take her mind off things. 

She found Chid in the center courtyard, he smiled as she approached. It felt, Yukari thought, to have someone smile at her like that. It was so..innocent and joyful. The love that only a child could give, unquestioning. 

"Hello, Chid."

"Hello Yukari." He blinked in the bright reflection of the pool that he sat next to. "Do you want to go swimming?" He glanced up, hopeful. Yukari sighed, the prospect of going swimming made her feel even worse. She shook her head slowly.

"I'm sorry Chid, I had a long night last night."

Chid nodded, looking away. "What do you wanna play?" He asked, persistent. "I had to sleep last night, at ten o'clock." He held up fingers. "I'm not tired."

Yukari laughed softly, it was forced. Even Chid's antic were hard-pressed to amuse her. Her mind was still caught up in the night's events.

"I don't know, Chid. I"m tired today. I'm sorry."

Chid was silent for a while. They both were.

"Why are you so sad?" He asked suddenly.

Yukari glanced at him in surprise. "I'm not sad!"

"Yes, you are. You, and Allen, and Princess Millerna, even Van. You are all sad, and none of you want to admit it." He explained gravely. Yukari didn't know whether to burst into laughter or tears. 

"And you, Chid are too cheeky for your own good." Yukari finally answered, fondly smiling at the young duke. Chid shrugged,

"I liked it better when you were happy." 

"I...." Yukari was at a loss for words. She stared down at her hands. Shame and guilt filled her. It was because of her, because of her that everyone was sad. Even Chid felt it, was she causing his sadness as well? Shame filled her. "I'm sorry, Chid." She whispered.

Chid stared at her, unsure of how to act. Finally, he shrugged. 

"I'm sorry too, Yukari. I hope you feel happy soon." And he meant every word. He smiled, and headed off. One could hardly expect a seven year old boy to understand.

Yukari sat on the edge of the reflecting pool, and stared sadly into the calm, chrystalline waters. A sudden, overwhelming wave of homesickness washed over her. In the clear blue waters, she suddenly saw her life, back home on earth. 

She saw Amano, grinning as he tried to make her laugh. Oh his silly jokes....and then there were all her girls. She missed all her old girlfriends. True, perhaps she hadn't thought much of them then, but now, she'd have traded the world for one night of just pure giggles and gossip with them all. Hitomi, with her small smile..now she knew why she was so sad. Her parents, their worried glances, her mom's amazing food. 

A sob choked her, and her heart hurt like nothing else had ever hurt before in her life. As she stared into the calm water, she envisioned them, staring back at her. Alone in the courtyard, she made little thought of what others would think. 

Amano gazed up at her in the water, his dark eyes dancing. Yukari felt tears falling down her face,

"Amano.." She whispered, "Amano, your silly little jokes. They make me laugh." Yukari said. Her fingers reached out to touch the image of him, grinning at her, and the water rippled on contact. His image faded, to be replaced by that of Hitomi.

"Hitomi, my best friend" Yukari shut her eyes, and could almost feel Hitomi's even gaze on her. "I have so much to ask you, so much to tell you...how will we ever get on? You've been my best friend forever...." She trailed off. Opening her eyes again, the tears fell into the pool, the image of Hitomi disappearing. Her mom appeared, ever kind.

"Mom..." Yukari trailed off. Family hurt the worst. "Mom." She couldn't say much more. Yukari laughed through her teary gaze at her mother, "I promise mom, if I ever get home, I'll clean my room." 

The image disappeared, to be replaced with the image of all her girls. The whole group of them, that she hung around with at school. All smiling, caring, wondering what was up...Agnes, Misuka, Aryia, Jeina,Ollisa....Smiling, giggling, full of gossip and news. They had so many memories, so many sleep overs, so many parties.

"My girls.." Yukari sobbed. She stared up at the mystic moon in the sky, a moon that was her entire life. "My life, I just want my life back." She cried out to whatever god, or deity was listening, and yet, she felt so alone.

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Allen stood at the entrance to the courtyard, frozen at the sight of her. He stood in the darkness of the entrance, shrouded by the shadows. His heart stopped at the sight of her, bent over the clear pool, talking to crowd of friends and family that were not there. He watched, as she spoke to her friends, to her mother, to Hitomi....as if they could hear her, as if she was surrounded by her friends, loved and at home. He watched, as with each tear, her friends disappeared, one by one.

His heart twisted. He'd never seen anything so sad, or so beautiful in his entire life. It hurt, to watch her.

Turning, he left, a sudden pain in his heart almost causing him to drop.

He was stopped in one of the main corridors, by Van. The young king's eyes were dark, and hooded. He stopped Allen with a hand. 

"Allen." He spoke.

"Van!" Allen was surprised at Van's dark expression.

"Why?" Van looked up, and the anger was gone. Only a pained anguish was left on his face, an anguish that Allen had hoped would be eased by time. An anguish that had only increased. A dread started to build inside of Allen. "Why didn't you tell me?" Van's voice was low, monotone. Devoid of any expression. Allen backed slowly, his mind already too sore from the sight of Yukari. Had Yukari told? Allen didn't even have to ask, he knew the answer before it even came out.

"I...I wanted to protect you."

"How does that protect me?!"Van glared angrily at Allen. 

"It would not have brought her back." Allen spoke gently. Van turned away, his chin stubborn, his eyes burning fire.

"It would've brought me closer."

"It would've reopened a wound that needed time to heal."

"It never healed in the first place!" Van retorted. His head bowed, Allen couldn't read the young man's expression. For the first moment, Allen wondered if what Van felt for HItomi, was the same as what he felt for Yukari. He wondered, if she left tomorrow, would he cry? Would the pain be so bad, as to make him bow under the weight of it? He'd never before lost at anything. He was Allen Schezar, his entire life was wrapped up in his strength, in his skills. Perhaps...this love thing, was not something you acquired, not something one ever became accustomed to..

"I am sorry, Van. It would've pained more, if you had known."

Van didn't reply. Turning stiffly, he walked away. Allen glanced down, and wondered when everything had gone wrong.

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That night, Yukari dreamt of Earth. 

In her dreams, Hitomi returned to her position of best friend. They giggled and laughed about everything and anything. Amano grinned, and made her laugh with his silly jokes. Her mother would smile, and tell her she was great. Her girls would crowd around, whispering and gossiping. Everything was so real, so vivid.

Yukari woke with a start, and was almost surprised to reach up and feel the tears that coursed down her cheeks.

Looking out into the night sky, she thought of home. A pain filled her. But then, she thought of leaving Gaea, and another kind of pain filled her. 

Laying back down, she slept uneasily until morning.

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Angrily, Van kicked the large tree again. Again and again, until he thought his foot was broken. The tree just sat sullenly, awaiting the next blow. Turning, Van fumed angrily. It was early morning, most of the castle was still asleep. 

He couldn't' explain this anger inside of him. After a restless night, he had given up on the idea of sleep and come out here to the gardens, hoping it would calm his spirits. 

He couldn't even answer who exactly his anger was directed to. His first thought was Allen, of course. But the more he thought of it, the less he understood his own feelings. First of all, Allen didn't really have much to do with it. Van sighed, contemplating. He felt a guilt now, for taking out an anger that had little to do with Allen, on Allen. 

Another good kick at the tree.

A voice cleared its throat behind him. 

"The tree didn't do anything."

Van turned, surprised to see Princess Millerna there. She was dressed in a long cloak and her head was covered with a hood. Seeing his surprised expression, she shrugged,

"I had a restless night. I imagine you did as well?"

Van nodded curtly, turnign back to glare at the tree. Millerna laughed dryly.

"I would do the same, only, I know the pain of it would not be worth it." Millerna sighed and glanced up at the mystic moon. Van followed her gaze. 

"So.." Millerna turned to him, looking at him expectantly. "What brings you out here?"

Van was surprised. He had never been close to the Asturian princess, rather, they had simply respected each other from afar. He couldn't remember exchanging more than a few polite words with her. But now, here she was, the one person who would listen to him. Perhaps not understand him, but listen at least. 

"Just..thinking." Van said slowly. Millerna nodded. She hadn't spoken to the young king often, and it was rare that they actually spoke one on one, but she did understand him enough to know that Van found it hard to speak his feelings. 

"Oh.." Millerna sighed. Then she turned away. "I miss her too, she was...fun to be around. I found that everything went by...faster with her around." She smiled slightly.

Van's eyes were dark.

"She was...quite special." He agreed. He took a deep breath, as if having just run a marathon. Perhaps he had, only it was an emotional marathon. "I..I just wish I'd told her that I loved her, before she left. I.." He trailed off, his emotions becoming a mask once more. 

Millerna almost gaped. Then she smiled slightly. The boy had grown. She remembered Van as when she had first met him, so many months ago. He had been so fiery, so proud and hot-tempered. His feelings were a stone mask, and had to be positively beaten from him. 

Millerna smiled, Van Fanel had grown into this fine, just king. When had he become a man? It was odd, for she'd never noticed until that moment. Boys often did grow, in one last leap before they became a man. Why should Van be any different.

The Princess settled back into her cloak. They stood, in peaceful silence for a long while. The sun rose, casting a pale glow to everything. 

"It has been..nice to speak to you, Van. We rarely speak." Millerna turned to go. Then, as she was leaving, she paused, and turned. "Perhaps, if you get that second chance, you should use it. Who knows, second chances do happen." She shrugged and headed off.

Van stared at the ground. A second chance......

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**_~***~_**

_These dreams come often. It pains me sometimes....I feel so homesick, and at times, I feel as if I could not bear another second. But then, I think of leaving Gaea..its like a part of me would be left behind here. laughs bitterly One half of me here, one half of me one Earth...which side should I choose?_

_This pain inside of me, it is hard to bear. But, if I return, would that pain, only be replaced by another kind of pain? And would I be able to bear that one?....That is a question I dare not ask myself.._

_All this talk of leaving..who's to know when it is.._

_But..these dreams..these dreams are too vivid..too real.._

**_~***~_**

Yukari spent her days alone, mostly in her room. Allen seemed to be avoiding her, immersing himself in duties and parties. Chid also, found her very sad and boring. And although very perceptive and caring for a child of seven, he too had his limits. Van seemed disturbed, and just as silent as she knew she must be. Yukari couldn't blame them all. She knew that her coming had been the cause of all these worries, and that fact disturbed her most. That as well as her persistent dreams.

Dreams that were so vivid and real, that she woke up crying, her heart racing.

Then, just when she thought she'd go mad from everything around her, Yukari dreamt of Hitomi.

It wasn't one of the usual dreams, it was different. Very different.

  
  


_"Hitomi!" Yukari exclaimed. She was so real, standing before her. Yukari had to remind herself over and over that it was a dream._

_Hitomi stood before her, dressed in her usual school uniform. Her auburn hair fluttering in the wind. She smiled, her green eyes sad._

_"I'm sorry, Yukari, that I did not tell you. I should've told you, you are my best friend. My sister in spirit." Yukari's heart wrenched when she remembered a term that they had thought up as children._

_"Hitomi...I'm sorry, I should've known.." Yukari's eyes filled with tears. Hitomi shook her head, then her expression grew grave and serious._

_"Yukari, you have to tell Allen how you feel. Your time nears."_

_"What? What do you mean?"_

_Hitomi smiled sadly, "Your time on Gaea is ending..." She trailed off as Yukari's eyes widened. _

_"No..." She froze, "But Hitomi..Allen avoids me. He...he doesn't.."_

_"Only because he doesn't understand his own feelings. You must tell him. Don't leave, as I did. Don't run away. You may not get a second chance." Hitomi's expression grew sad. "You don't have much longer.." Her image started to fade, the dream ending._

_"Hitomi! Wait!!" Yukari shouted, reaching for her best friend._

_"Tell Allen." Hitomi's word floated through. _

_"Hitomi!!" Yukari shouted, watching as Hitomi slowly faded away. "My sister in spirit.." She murmured softly._

  
  


Yukari awoke with a start, her heart racing. The tears trailing down her face were real enough. Hitomi! Was her first thought. Glancing around wildly, she realized that it had been a dream. 

The pain in her hurt, had left. Only left, was an urgency within her. Like a bomb about to explode. Yukari threw on a cloak and jumped out of bed. 

She had to find Allen. Unsure of everything else, she had to find Allen. Yukari wondered why she was listening to a dream. She wasn't one who usually did so. The castle corridors were empty and dark. The moon was bright out, and it lit through the window, casting eerie shadows everywhere. Her steps sounded loud in the silence

Yukari turned another corner, and almost ran into Millerna. Millerna glanced at her in surprise.

"Yukari!" 

Yukari gasped for breath. "A...Allen!" She gasped out. Millerna's expression darkened. "I ..I have to find Allen."

"He.." Millerna paused. She'd never seen Yukari so disheveled. Something in her tone, in her expression drew Millerna's attention. Something urgent. Millerna sighed. "He's in the courtyard."

Yukari nodded, and was about to race off. Then she paused, and turned back, gazing at the princess.

"Millerna.."

"Yes?" 

"...thankyou." Yukari finished. It sounded so final. Millerna nodded, accepting it. Yukari turned, and raced to the courtyard. 

Allen stood in a patch of moonlight. Regal and serene. The moonlight lit up his golden hair, causing it to look like a halo around his head. He looked like an angel. Yukari froze at the doorway of the courtyard, her breath caught in her throat. She studied him, memorizing his every feature. Forever, she would keep that image of Allen in her mind. That image of him, so peaceful in the moonlight. 

She stepped towards him.

"Allen." She said softly. He looked at her, hardly surprised to see her. 

"I couldn't sleep. I...I knew I had to come here." He said. He glanced up at the mystic moon. "Yukari..I.."

Yukari, so close to him, was struck breathless all over again. Suddenly, she felt something pulling her. Some invisible force catching hold of her, and pulling her off the ground. Pale blue light surrounded her. Her eyes widened when she realized what was happening.

"No! I..I can't! Its too soon!" She cried, trying to struggled back onto the ground. Allen, too, seemed to realize what was going on. 

"Yukari!" He grabbed one of her hands. She stared into his deep blue eyes, and knew that her time on Gaea was spent.

"Allen, I..."

"Don't leave me, Yukari." Allen cried brokenly, his grasp on her slender fingers was ebbing, and she was floating away from him. His heart was breaking in two. Her hair floated around her. She looked surreal. Allen tried to catch her hand, but she was far away by then. Yukari wept, her tears falling.

"Allen, I love you." She whispered. And he heard. 

"Yukari!!!" He shouted. She disappeared. He stared deep into the sky, searching for any trace of her. Anything at all. But she was gone. 

He collapsed onto the grass. 

"I love you, Yukari." He whispered, too late.

  
  
  
  



	10. In Dreams : Chap.10 - Something Called H...

**Chap.10 - Something Called Heartache**

  
  


Opening her eyes slowly, Yukari blinked in the morning light. Where was she? She felt disoriented and confused. Was she on Gaea? Staring around, she realized, with elated joy, as well as numb pain, that she was in her room. Her own room, on Earth. Yukari stared around at the oh-so-familiar furniture. 

The door opened, and her mom burst in.

"Yukari! Get up! School!" She was a wave of motion, picking up the stray articles of clothing, bouncing around the room, dragging Yukari out of bed. Yukari could only stare, dumbfounded. What day was it? She'd been gone, in Gaea, for at least 3 months. That much seh was very sure of. 

"Mom.." Yukari said softly. Her mom paused, shoving a shirt into the drawer.

"Yukari, you're late! Come on, lets get a move on. You've really gotta clean this pigsty up...why, what's wrong?" Mrs.Uchida paused, seeing Yukari. Yukari was looking hard at her mother, her eyes memorizing every feature. She hadn't thought of it much, but now Yukari realized how much she'd missed her mom during her stay on Gaea. Tears leaked out from her eyes, and she brushed them away, blushing. She laughed, but the tears continued to come.

"Mom, I just...I don't know." She said. Mrs.Uchida approached her daughter, and wrapped her arms around her.

"Aww, my baby. What's wrong?"

Yukari shook her head, feeling warm and loved in her mother's hold. "Nothing, mom. I just...I just had a dream." She backed away, wiping the tears away. Mrs.Uchida smiled kindly down at her daughter.

"Well, you better get up."

Yukari nodded, then froze.

"Mom,"

"Yes, hun?" 

"What day is it?"

"Why, its April 27th."

Yukari paled. April 27th, a Thursday. Tomorrow, Agnes would call to invite her to Raxx Hangar, where she would get drunk and be transported to Gaea. It would all happen tomorrow. Would it all happen again? Had she gone back in time? A dread filled Yukari, perhaps Allen and Millerna and Gaea...perhaps she'd never been there. Perhaps, they wouldn't know her. A sudden loneliness crept over her. Yukari wanted to crawl back into her familiar bed, and hide there, from the pain and the shadows.

**_~***~_**

_Oh my god, I think...I think I went back in time. Because it all happens tomorrow...April 28th, I go to Raxx with Agnes, and Evan...and I meet that jerk, in the alleyway. And I go to Gaea. That all happens tomorrow.._

_how can this be?_

_Does this mean, I was never on Gaea? Does this mean, everything I've been through, the last 3 months for me...never happened?_

_Oh god...Allen, will Allen know me?_

_painful sigh How will I bear it...if everything that happened to me, never happened..How can I go on, living with that knowledge, yet knowing that no one else remembers..or experienced what I did._

_This is so strange...so...lonely...._

_Hitomi! I have to speak to Hitomi!_

**_~***~_**

"Bye mom!" Yukari called, racing down the stairs, and out the door. She had a million questions, and she knew, somehow, that Hitomi could answer, at least some of them.

"Hitomi! Hitomi!" Yukari called, seeing Hitomi walking down the street towards their school. Yukari almost froze at the sight of her. She'd forgotten how very sad Hitomi had been, before she'd left for Gaea. Somehow, during her long stay in Gaea, she'd remembered Hitomi as the vibrant, energetic person she had been, rather than the sad, somber girl she had become. Perhaps it was the way that Van and Allen all seemed to remember her as well. Hitomi's green eyes were dull, and they held little emotion. It was like some part of her had been lost. Maybe some part had been left behind, thought Yukari, and inadvertently glanced up in the sky. Perhaps a part of herself had been left up there as well, a part of her heart maybe...

"Hitomi." Yukari drew up beside her best friend.

"Hi Yukari." Hitomi managed a thin smile. Yukari wanted to burst out with the news, she wanted to shout it out to her Hitomi, that she understood, that she knew how she felt. She wanted to run and jump and hug Hitomi, and then Hitomi wouldn't look so goddamn sad! But Yukari couldn't say anything....how do tell someone, something that has affected them so much? Yukari found her feelings hard to put into words.

"Umm..Hitomi.." Yukari managed. On Gaea, she'd imagined everything she'd tell Hitomi when she saw her. She had memorized an entire speech, editing it, writing it...she'd planned the perfect talk. But now, it all seemed to escape her. "Hitomi..I...I have to tell you something." 

Hitomi paused, and looked at Yukari. Yukari glanced bleakly back at her best friend. Hitomi's eyes narrowed, 

"What?"

Yukari sighed, 

"Hitomi, you don't have to be so sad."

Hitomi looked away, "I've told you a thousand times, I'm fine Yukari. You can quit worrying about me. I just haven't been feeling.."

"No, no, that's not what I mean." Yukari brushed Hitomi's words away quickly. Yukari sighed, "What I meant is, you don't have to be sad because...Van is thinking about you too. He...said he loved you very much. So...you don't have to be sad, because, he misses you too." Yukari glanced up slowly at Hitomi. 

Hitomi's green eyes were bright, and they stared at Yukari. She was frozen, her mouth hanging open in surprise. Emotions flitted across her face like butterflies, barely registering before another emotion surfaced. Pain, surprise, love, pain and realization, all barely there, yet just under the surface. Hitomi stared at her best friend. Suddenly, she reached out and grabbed Yukari's hand. She set off in one of her record-breaking sprints, with Yukari flailing behind her. 

They reached the track behind the school. Classes had already started, and it was empty. School was the last thing on their minds. Hitomi stopped, standing at the edge of the track. She was barely winded. Yukari, on the other hand, gasped and heaved behind her. 

"Hitomi.." She said softly. Hitomi didn't turn. A wind came, and Hitomi's auburn hair rustled in the wind.

"You know, Yukari. I dreamed this, I really did. I think....I almost remember what it was about, but then I forget, just when I get it." Hitomi turned to look at Yukari. "But, I know you were in the dream, you were in Gaea."

Yukari nodded slowly. Hitomi glanced up at the sky, "Tell me everything." She commanded. Yukari smiled. 

And so, they sat on the soft grass in the center of the track and Yukari retold her entire adventure on Gaea.

And in return, Hitomi told Yukari her experiences.

Yukari could only stare, and a new light began to shine on her best friend. 

When Hitomi finished speaking, Yukari's eyes were filled with tears. It was like being on Gaea all over again, only seeing it all through different eyes. Her heart clenched, and she had an overwhelming feeling to just go back to Gaea. 

Wordless, Hitomi wrapped her arms around Yukari, letting her know that she felt her pain.

"Oh god, Yukari, you have no idea how I felt, when I got back. It was like...like the world had crashed around my feet, and no one understood."

Yukari let the tears come out slowly. She hugged Hitomi fiercely, her best friend. "You should've told me."

Hitomi sat back, and gazed at Yukari with soft green eyes that suddenly seemed filled with expression, "Would you have believed me?" 

Yukari looked away, unsure. 

They sat there, for the better part of the day, hardly caring about their surroundings. Yukari smiled, it felt good that she could share her secret with Hitomi. And she could tell that Hitomi was relieved to let it out as well.

Yukari was surprised to see the sky darkening. 

"We skipped school."

"Yeah." Hitomi hardly seemed to care. She started to say something, then paused and looked at Yukari. "Yukari,"

"Hmm?"

"Would you give up your life...here, to go back?"

Yukari froze. Would she? How could she answer, when she herself didn't even know the answer to it.

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Millerna was informed by one of the attendants, that Allen Schezar hadn't been feeling well lately. She suspected that Yukari's sudden disappearance had more than just a little to do with it. Standing in front of his door, she paused, her hand frozen in its action of knocking. What was she to say to the man she loved, whom loved another?

The door opened. A look of surprise came over Allen's handsome features. 

"Princess Millerna," 

Millerna gazed at the Heavenly Knight and was surprised to find him so...withered. He looked in a sorry state. He'd grown thin, his eyes lacked luster, and there were dark bags under his eyes. And his beautiful golden hair was gone. Cut all off. It now hung short about his ears. All this since the She left, just a few days ago.

"Allen! Your...your hair!"

Allen reached up, his fingers going through the golden strands.

"What? Don't you like it?"

"Umm..yeah. But Allen.."

Allen looked away. His cheeks seemed so hollow, so gaunt. What had happened to the proud, strong knight that had once stolen her heart?

"Can I come in?" Millerna asked. Allen nodded, and opened the door wider. The room was dark, the curtains kept the sunlight out, filtering in only the brightest rays. Millerna sat in the central common room. Allen's quarters were large and spacious, consisting of a main room, that branched off into his sleeping quarters, dressing room and bathing area. 

Allen collapsed into a seat opposite her. He sat erect though, never forgetting his manners and knightly conduct.

"You can relax, Allen. Now, we are but friends, conversing." Millerna spoke archly, but her heart wept with the knight. Allen relaxed, almost visibly.

"You must forgive, princess, for I have slept little."

Millerna nodded, "Perhaps because of the girl?"

Allen avoided her gaze. He stared out the window, and Millerna couldn't mistake the fact that his eyes traveled instantly up to the mystic moon that hung in the sky.

"Allen.." 

His bright blue eyes traveled to hers, and suddenly, he reminded her of a broken angel. 

"Allen...." Millerna fumbled for the words that were to make him feel better. The words that were to drag him out of this depression, and back into life. She ached with sadness to see the man that had once been a hero, in such a pathetic state. It was sad, what love did. "..you have to get over her." Millerna said softly.

Allen laughed bitterly. Millerna leaned forward earnestly.

"Allen, I'm serious, you...your wasting away! You..you used to be so...bright. Like a beacon to all the other knights. You were the epitome of a perfect knight, and now look at yourself Allen. You lay in your room, unwilling to speak to anyone and all you do is stare out the window at a girl that...well, frankly lives only in your mind."

"She is up there!" Allen's eyes flashed, the first true emotion he'd shown in days.

Millerna sighed, and gazed up at the moon. Who knew where she was. Who knew what kind of world she lived in up there.

"You have to get on with your life."

Allen turned away. 

Millerna stood, suddenly angry. "Allen Schezar, I order you to get back to your duties as a knight!" She pointed at him.

Allen narrowed his eyes.

"Millerna, you can't do anything about this...."

"Allen!" Her eyes flashed. "I can and I will!"

"What do you know..." He muttered, turning away darkly. 

Millerna was shocked. This...this was utter and total disrespect. That was unlike Allen Schezar, it made her wonder if perhaps he'd been switched with someone else. 

"Allen!! I.." Her face grew hard. The truth hurt. What did she know? This thing of love. She'd loved Allen, with all her heart, she'd loved him. And now, here he was, wasting away for love another. And he was telling her that she knew nothing of heartache! Her fists clenched angrily. "I know, more of heartache, than you could ever possibly understand!" She said, softly. Allen looked up at her, his eyes as shocked as she had been.

"Millerna! I'm...I'm so sorry." He rushed towards her and grabbed her hands. She pulled away from him, tears filling her eyes.

"Get away from me." She whispered hoarsely. With a muffled sob, she took flight and ran out of the room.

Allen stared after her, his heart racing. Oh god, he thought. What had he just done. Everything inside of him felt cold and empty. What did she do to him?

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Van glanced around the banquet table, where King Aston, Millerna, Eries, Allen and several other court members sat. Other tables surrounded them, filled with other royalties. The festivities that Aston was holding for the royalties of surrounding kingdoms was near ending. 

He picked at his food. There was no doubt it was delicious. But the tension around the table was difficult to bear. Van knew that the disappearance of Yukari, was the cause behind everything. Or perhaps, it was the arrival. He wasn't sure. What he did know, was that Allen sat glumly, a scowl permanently on his face.. He sat silently, barely raising his eyes. Millerna stonily ignored him and didn't even cast a glance in his direction. Aston, seated between the two, tried to make conversation, which was politely and gently rebuffed. He seemed at ends as to what to do. Van had long ago given up any sort of conversation or amiability at the table. Instead, he faced his food, and willed that Yukari return to set Allen back to normal. 

"Well! That was some good chicken!" Aston patted his belly, his face forcing a smile. "Hehehehe.." His laugh died. "Perhaps more chicken!" He glanced from Millerna's stony expression, to Allen's down turned face. 

As a merchant and king, Aston was stern with little dalliance in matters not important. He could be considered somewhat cold-blooded when it came to money, and more than a little greedy. But when it came to his daughters, whom he loved very much, he didn't seem to have a clue.

Aston raised his hand for an attendant. "More chicken."

Eries played nervously with her napkin. She was seated next to Van, across from Allen. 

"Hmm..the political waters with Zaibach these days are quite good."

Aston nodded vigorously, shoving chicken into his mouth, happy to grasp onto any sort of conversation at all.

"Yes yes! Umm...what about you, Allen Schezar. What do you think?"

Allen glanced up darkly, then went back to his food. "I don't know what to think, Your Majesty."

"Of course, because she isn't here to do your thinking for you!." Millerna snapped. Allen flushed and swallowed whatever comment was on the tip of his tongue. Aston played nervously with his knife and fork, then returned to his meal. Allen seemed to be fighting down some sort of emotion. Finally, he succumbed to the temptation, 

"Quite right.." He said tartly, quite aware of the reaction it would cause in the princess.

Millerna's fists clenched around the knife, and Van prepared to jump to his friend's rescue lest she decide to stab him. But why should I? Van thought wryly, he's being a pain in my ass these days as well. Its me that should be mad at him for that Hitomi incident, not the other way around!

Weeks had passed since Yukari had left, and things had only gotten worse. Allen, although having resumed his royal duties, still remained cold and silent. A wall grew around him to keep others out. Millerna had been upset, then angry, and now alternated between the two. Van had tried speaking to Allen, only to be yelled at for being nosy. He now stayed in his own corner, nursing his own wounds and wondering how things had gotten as they had. Eries didn't really seem to care much, thinking everything would blow over, and Aston, who really was the scapegoat of it all, took the anger of everyone and more or less tried to make things better.

If only Yukari would return, so that Allen would stop his sulky mood, apologize to Millerna, then Millerna would stop making life difficult for everyone at court.

Van had half a mind to return to his Fanelia that very night. 

Millerna, her eyes firing imaginary daggers that physically would've hurt anyone less sulky, glared at Allen, her dinner forgotten. Allen avoided her gaze, and continued to shovel piece after peice of chicken into his mouth, seemingly to have forgotten about her. This only seemed to make Millerna even angrier. 

"You.." Millerna started to form a long series of rebukes and taunts, when Allen suddenly pushed his chair away from the table. He stood abruptly, tilting his head towards the king.

"Your Majesty, may I be excused?"

Aston stared dumbfounded at the both of them. "Um..uh..sp...but.." He caught Millerna's glare and flushed. Eries kicked him, hard, under the table. "Yes, yes go on." He waved his hand. Allen nodded his head politely, then strode away, his golden hair brushing his ears at each stride. Millerna turned her daggers to her father, who seemed to shrink a few feet. It was Eries that came to her father's rescue.

"Come now, we can have a good dinner." She chewed a carrot complacently. Millerna, her fists clenched around her utensils, stood suddenly, her chair scraping loud on the florr.

"Spare me." She said, her voice poisonous, and she left the room, her anger creating waves in the dining hall.

Van stared around the almost empty table. Eries continued eating calmly. Aston was just as shocked and surprised as Van. Eries looked Van in the eye,

"You wanna follow, hmm?"

Van opened his mouth, then closed it again. It was no use. With a deep sigh, he sank back into his chair. He resigned to the chore of eating and continueing a meal that had been irreversibly ruined.

  
  


Later that night, Van retired early from the evening entertainments. They had proved rather dull. Instead, he went in search of Allen. 

He came upon Millerna instead, as he was wandering in the gardens. The moon was out, and very bright. Millerna sat on a stone bench, facing out to the ocean. Her golden hair seemed to glow in the moonlight. He approached and sat next to her on the bench, his eyes travelling up to the moon. Millerna sighed, but said nothing. They sat in silence, wrapped in their own thoughts. Finally, she spoke,

"If you think I'm to apologize to him, your wrong. I'm not about to even consider it."

Van shook his head, "Oh no, thought never crossed my mind."

"Hmm." Her eyes also seemed to travel upwards, towards that faraway place. Her expression odd, a mixture of joy and pain, sadness and happiness. Most of all, she seemed...puzzled. 

"Father wants me to marry. For the kingdom, he says."

Van glanced sideways at the young princess. He'd grown closer to her, somehow. It was almost like their equally painful situations drew them together. Millerna didn't seem to expect any sort of answer from him, for that, Van was thankful. He wasn't much the talking type. 

"But..I keep hanging on to this notion that I should marry for love, not for political or monetary matters." Millerna glanced down at her folded hands. "I keep hoping. Why am I so stupid?" She glanced up. Van noticed that the shine in her eyes were not caused by happiness. Tears rolled down her face like crystals. Even the richest, most beautiful princesses of this world, have problems of the heart. 

"Your not stupid." Van said softly.

Millerna laughed bitterly. "No?" She was silent for a while. Suddenly, her expression became whimsical. "We do we always love the wrong person? Everyone loves someone, who loves someone else, or cannot love at all. It can only end in heartbreak."

"Millerna.."

Millerna suddenly smiled wryly, "I will be okay."

Van turned and faced the princess of Asturia. "Will you?"

She nodded, her hand going up to dry her eyes. She smiled again, this time it was genuine. A real smile from the heart. 

"The only sadness I feel, is that Allen Shezar, my Heavenly Knight, is slowly slipping away from me." Her eyes grew troubled. "Everyday, he slips just a little more in insanity, just a little more over the edge. Did you know, Van, that he was muttering about flying that damned ship of his to the mystic moon? He even spoke to Gadeth about it!" Millerna sighed, her eyes darks. She looked down at her hands, she shoulders slumped. "I am ends as to what to do. He..he locks himself up there, in that dark room of his, and just stares up at the sky and dreams of ways to get there. I cannot bear to seem him like this! I'd rather him in her arms than like this!" Millerna gazed at Van.

Van turned away. He sighed. He knew it was only truth. But he too had seen his friend slowly slipping away from reality. 

"He will not speak to me." He said finally, his tone defeated as well.

Millerna threw her hands down, her eyes shut. She seemed on the verge of tears. No wonder she'd been so angry. Not because of jealousy, but because of love. Love for the man that had epitomized the Knight in every virtue and way.

"It makes me want to cry, to think of what he was, and then what he shall be if he continues down the path he has suddenly taken. Father will not stand much more of this." Millerna looked bleak. 

Van placed a hand, somewhat uncertainly, on her shoulder,

"Allen will come around." He laughed mirthlessly, "I did."

Millerna didn't respond.

Slowly, his eyes traveled up to that moon again. 

They sat, in anguish, yet with a calming peace, watching the moon as it travelled across the horizon.

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Yukari stared to the front, the teacher drawled on about chemistry. She could care less. Next to her, Amano was scribbling away at notes. Her head lay propped up on her arm, staring glumly at more or less nothing. Nearly three days had gone by since she'd come back. It all felt like a dream to be back. It was like she was hoping to wake up from reality, to be back on Gaea. Was that a bad sign?

**_~***~_**

_sigh And its back to my life..._

_But this **is **what I want! At least...I think it is. Yes, I wanted my life back. I wanted my friends, Hitomi, Amano, and my family. That's what I chose, I had the choice and I chose this.._

_Why does my heart ache so?_

_I think of Allen, I think of him as I saw him, that last night in the courtyard. The moon shining on his hair, he looked like an angel. That memory I will keep with me forever. Even when I'm old and withered, and my memory of Gaea has faded..Allen, I will never forget._

_Perhaps that is how it is like with Hitomi.._

_..there really is no solution for this ill-fated love is there?_

**_~***~_**

"Hey Yukari! Dreamin on me again?" Amano snapped his fingers in her face, trying to get her out of her thoughts. Yukari smacked his hand away. 

"What?" She asked, more than a little annoyed. 

Amano looked away, somewhat angry himself. For the past few days, she'd been moody, silent and entirely no fun to be with. Almost like how Hitomi had become..... Amano shook his head, was she on some sort of Xtasy? He almost opened his mouth to ask her, when the bell rang. Yukari gazed at him, her deep brown eyes dark.

"What Amano?"

Amano glanced sideways, "Nothing." He muttered. Yukari gave him another Look, then shrugged and stood, starting to leave. Amano blinked. The old Yukari would've sensed something wrong, the old Yukari would've been persistent in finding the problem and solving it. That was what she'd always done. He placed a hand on her arm, and stopped her. 

"Wait! Yukari." 

She turned,

"Yes?"

"I just.." He trailed off. He could see Hitomi in the far distance, trudging along with her books in tow. She still seemed so sad, only now, that sadness had grown into a wall about her. Amano was pained to see Yukari following the same path. "I'm worried, Yukari."

Yukari's eyes brightened, and for a moment, the old, cheerful Yukari was back. She laughed shortly. "Of what?!"

"You!"

"Me?! What's wrong with me!"

Amano sighed, and rolled his eyes, "Please, Yukari, you've been so strange lately. Like...like Hitomi had been. Only now..so are you. Like all distant and shit."

"I have not!"

"No? Then explain why you never wanna do anything anymore?"

"I'm just tired!" Yukari looked at him defensively, not wanting to admit, mostly to herself, that in truth, she really was acting strange. "I've had a lot of work lately."

"Oh yeah?" Amano persisted, "Then explain just trailing off in the middle of sentences, explain why you just zone out in the middle of classes, explain why your constantly staring up at the freakin' sky!"

Yukari flushed deeply. She finally realized how very annoying had been to Hitomi, to have someone pestering you constantly, even if it was out of concern for you. She held back the rude comment she had felt boiling up in her. Sighing, she shifted her books to her other arm.

"Amano, I'm fine." She said firmly.

"Yukari.."

She raised a hand to stop him. "Just listen." She sighed, and was glad that school was over, suddenly. Why did life back at home, seem so grey and dismal? It was like all the colour had been left back on Gaea, and only the blacks and the whites were here. "I've been tired lately, and..you know, trying to speak to Hitomi and all. Its taxing."

Amano was silent, looking deep into her eyes. Yukari had always had innocent eyes. Eyes that told the truth and nothing but the truth. And now was no different. Her dark eyes flitted away from his, scanning everything but him. Amano knew that it was something more, just as he had known for Hitomi. It hurt, to know that she too, was drifting farther and farther out of his reach. But what good would it do to pursue it? Maybe..just maybe, someday, Yukari would trust him enough to tell him whatever it was the bothered her so much.

"Alright, Yukari." He backed away. Sighing again, one hand reached up to catch a strand of her silky dark hair. "That's okay." He said softly. Then he turned, and left quickly. Yukari watched him go, her eyes sad. She knew, yes, she knew exactly how Hitomi had felt.

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Allen wiped an arm over his face, clearing the grease and the grime. It helped little. The heat was unbearable in the ship's inner mechanical parts and it was hot and stifling. Allen studied the alterations he had made with a short burst of pride.

He was fixing his levaship so that it could be manned by only two people, as well as gain the altitude it needed to fly higher, much higher. He told himself that it was just so that other levaships could also be improved, so that less men would be needed to man the heavy, clumsy ships. But inside, he knew that it was mostly a lie. H was doing this....for Her. For himself.

Shaking his head, Allen was thankful that his hair was short and light. He brushed a hand through the short golden strands. Standing, his knees cracked. He groaned slightly. After hours bent on his knees, they didn't' seem to work anymore. I'm not young anymore, he htought bitterly. Bones hurt when one grows old.

He sat in the pilot's seat, and hooked his arms through the various straps and controls that he had altercated to work with one man. One man would fly this levaship, one man had to fly this levaship. He couldn't risk taking anymore men.

The engine roared to life, the levastones flaring up with power. Every single part of him seemed to control some part of the ship's complex maneuvering systems. What normally took close to ten men to operate, had only one now. 

"Well, here she goes." Allen muttered. 

The ship rocked. Slowly, Allen twisted his leg, making the ship move forward slowly. His arm rose, and altitude was gained slightly. He grinned, at least this time, the ship had actually left the ground. It climbed slowly, Allen's arm, left leg and head controlling the altitude and speed slowly. The ship rocked slightly, as his head slipped, and the ship dipped under. 

"Whoa!" Allen exclaimed, and quickly readjusted his position. The ship stabilized, but only a bit. A gust of wind blew by, a westwind. The ship rocked back and forth, threatening to fall out of the sky. Allen fought for control, his mind going blank as to which limb controlled what. The ship started falling, and Allen began to panic. 

Just as the levaship crashed into the field below, Allen yanked on the strap attached to his right ankle. The ship screeched along the grassed field, and skidded to a halting stop. Allen was frozen in place, hardly daring to move a limb lest the ship roar to life again. 

Jumping out, he undid the straps carefully and turned off the engine. He looked over at the screen in the corner, and narrowed his eyes in disgust.

"50 meters!" He stared in disbelief at the numbers indicated on the altitude meter. All that work, and only 5 meters higher!! 50 meters wouldn't clear him of the mountains over the horizon, much less bring him to the mystic moon!! 

There..he'd admitted it. Admitted it to the air around him, as well as to himself. He was altering the levaship to carry him to the mystic moon. How could he just leave her there? He ached every time he simply thought of her, every time her name was mentioned, his heart wrung like a wet cloth. Nearly a month since she'd been gone, and he couldn't live a moment without the thought of her soft lips, her deep, dark eyes, her silken hair.

Allen leaned on the shelf, his head suddenly feeling very heavy. How long would this take! It had taken him days to do the alterations, and he had gained but 5 meters! It would take a lifetime to get him to the mystic moon. And a lifetime he really didn't have. At that moment, Allen suddenly felt old, old and tired. 

Leaving the ship's cabin, his eyes squinted in the bright sunlight. He'd been in this field since early morning, and had been working for a full week straight. Returning only to the castle for meals and showers, he had even slept out here. Turning to look at the ship, he inspected the front. A large crack extended from the hull, where the ship had landed roughly. Allen's heart sank. It would take days to fix that. His teeth clenched, and the muscles in his jaw rippled angrily.

"ARGH!!" He yelled suddenly, and kicked the ship, hard. His foot resounded back in a flash of pain. He groaned and hopped around a few times, holding his foot in pain. He'd forgotten he wasn't wearing the heavy leather boots, because of the heat. 

"Dammit!" He grunted, and stared into the waving long grass. His vision blurred slightly. He couldn't even inflict pain on himself right. The frustration near drove him mad. Grabbing fist fulls of grass in his hands, he ripped them up from the roots. 

"Goddammit!" He yelled, and pulled another fistfull. 

It felt good, to release that long pent-up frustration, anger and pain. It was like sweet release, a shot to the trigger. 

"Allen!" A voice called out behind him. It was sharp, and surprised. 

Allen paused in the middle of another fistful of grass. He turned slowly, to an open-mouthed Van. Allen straightened, and quickly brushed his disheveled hair out of his face.

"Oh! umm..ahem..uhh, Van!" Allen brushed off the grass bits on his tunic. He put on a fake smile, a flush hidden just under the surface. He hated that Van had caught him in such a private moment.

"Allen," Van swallowed, and stared at the ground, obviously embarrassed as well as having intruded on the knight's private moment. "Umm.well, I saw the levaship floundering, and uhh..decided to check it out." Van explained, hesitantly.

"Ahh.." Allen looked back at the ship. "Yes. It..uh..doesn't work too well yet."

Van nodded, and gazed at the ship. He looked at the grime-streaked, tired knight.

"You plan on flying this thing all on your own?" Van asked dubiously.

Allen nodded wordlessly.

"You've got to be kidding me." Van said, then laughed. "You're joking, right?" His eyes searched Allen's for some sort of mirth. He found none. Allen's gaze was serious. He looked away.

"I'm glad you find it funny." He said tonelessly.

"Allen..this is...this is absolutely ludicrous!" Van crossed the distance between them and laid a hand on Allen's shoulder. Allen shrugged it away, and approached the levaship. He laid a hand on the crack in the hull, 

"It's the only way." He said. His voice wavered slightly, its hidden emotion and held back pain barely noticeable. But Van heard it, heard it as loud as if Allen had proclaimed his emotions. He knew, because he understood.

"Oh Allen.." Van said softly, unsure of how to say the words. He wasn't much for the comforting talk type. "You..you can't keep doing this!" He said suddenly.

"Doing what?" Allen said softly. He was drooped against the hull of the ship, his blonde hair waving in the wind. His back faced Van, but it was seemed stooped with troubles and sorrows. He seemed to have aged. He sighed, and his shoulders drooped even further. "I cannot bear it."

Van gazed at the ground. His heart beat quickly, the pain seemed to intensify in him. The pain that had buried itself deep into his heart, resurfaced once more at the reminder of what it felt like.

"There are other ways to take your mind off her."

"I cannot take my mind away from her!" Allen turned suddenly, his blue eyes dark and pained. "A minute does not go by in which I do not think of her! Each breath I take is a reminder of her!" He strode angrily and pulled more fistfuls of grass out of the earth. The grass scattered in the wind. Allen's jaw clenched angrily. "Why does she do this to me?"

"It's their power." Van replied helplessly, suddenly wanting to grab a fistful of grass himself. Allen glanced at him, his face suddenly bleak.

"I have to go there Van. Don't you understand? I have to tell her." He seemed so helpless, so unlike the golden knight. "I feel like I shall burst if I do not tell her. And every minute that passes, it just gets worse. This feeling inside of me. It galls me, Van," He looked up, and Van was shocked to see Allen's eyes filled with tears. Tears of anguish. "It galls me that she was here, in my arms, and I never told her. I couldn't. She asked me, she gave me the chance, and.." He choked and turned away. "It haunts my sleep. Her eyes, as she left. They were so sad. So..final."

Van was silent. No words were needed. 

They stood in silence for a while. The sky darkened, the sun casting shadows in the waving field.

"It is hopeless, isn't it." Allen's voice was flat.

"Perhaps." 

Allen stood stiff, his back rigid. Every muscle in his body rigid. Van looked at the young man, and felt a deep sorrow for the knight. Who would've guessed that it would take a mere girl to break down the knight's defenses. But then, who would've guessed that he, Van Fanel, would fall in love with a girl from the mystic moon.

"I see." Allen turned and began to walk back towards the castle. "I'll get Gadeth out here to take the ship in tomorrow." His voice was devoid of any emotion.

Van watched sadly, as Allen walked back to the castle. He looked, for the first time in his life, defeated. How unthinkable, the Heavenly Knight, Allen Schezar, defeated.

*Author's Note* Ahh..finally I'm gonna write a little note here! Well, here's the next chapter I guess...hmm, not much to put! I put it out a bit faster, cuz I got a lot of emails wondering if Chap.9 was the last chapter, and so you can see..it isnt! Anyways, tell me what you think of this so far. I'm gonna take it a bit farther, cuz I'm rather enjoying writing it! Later, Sera


	11. In Dreams : Chap.11 - The Way is Open

  
  


**Chap.11 - The Way Is Open**

  
  


King Aston watched Allen Schezar, Heavenly Knight, out of the corner of his eyes, as the proceeding of court went on. His minister of Finances rambled on about the season's profits. For the first time, Aston cared little. His attention, was captured by the young knight.

Allen Schezar stood firm and tall. His posture perfectly straight and erect. He stood with the other Knights in their ceremonial position by the side of the Grand Hall. The expression on his face was completely blank, as if behind the perfect features, there existed simply nothing. His sulky mood and walls of moodiness had disappeared, to be replaced with a cool hardness that few could penetrate. He masked every emotion with carefully placed smiles, and was always always stiff and formal. It was like he'd gone back to how he was before, only the life that he been under the formalities, had disappeard and simply died away. 

Next to Aston, Millerna sat, her gaze worriedly over Allen. She too, was worried about him. Worried and saddened. Allen had apologized to her, and she had thought that he was better. It was nearly two months since Yukari had left, and afterall, no matter what people say, time does heal. And so Millerna had thought him healed. But now, seeing him standing there, the impassive mask on his face. The impassive mask that was always on his face, she knew that Allen was far from alright. He simply had learned to hide it, that was all. 

The last of the reports were given by the various councillors and ministers. King Aston raised a hand to dismiss them. Millerna turned to her father.

"Father..." Her gaze travelled to Allen. Aston sighed wearily, 

"I do not know what you think I can do. I am but an old man."

"Father." Millerna smiled fondly down at her father. King Aston could be calculating, greedy and somewhat of a coward. But all in all, he was a good king, and a passable father, raising three daughters without his wife.

"Yes, Millerna. Have I ever been able to refuse you?"

Millerna smiled at her father. Then exited quickly, a quick glance in Allen's direction.

"Royal court is dismissed." Aston announced. The Knights began to disperse. "Allen Schezar. A word?"

Allen paused, and turned to face the king.

"My King," He bowed stiffly. 

Aston gazed down at his most honorable, most valiant knight. His new hairstyle, the short golden strands about his ears, made him look younger. It contrasted the weariness that seemed to shine in his eyes.

"Allen Schezar," Aston wondered what he was to say. He'd never been much for the kindly words. With three daughters, they had more or less conversed amongst themselves on issues of love. "You have not been to practice, I am informed." He said finally.

Allen's head bowed, his face hidden.

"I have been busy, Your Highness."

"Ahh..I see. Working on that ship?" 

Allen flushed visibly. "No, my king, I am not working on the ship anymore." The words were clipped and even. Although Aston noticed Allen's hand clenched over the sword at his waist.

"You've given up hope, boy?" 

Allen didn't reply. 

"Answer me!" Aston commanded. Allen flushed darkly,

"It matters little, whether I hope or not. It makes little difference."

"I see. So, in other words. Your waiting for the day that she'll come back to you." Aston stroked his beard, gazing down at the bent form of Allen Schezar. Allen didn't' move. Aston sighed, and glanced out the window. He'd never had a son. Perhaps it was a blessing, perhaps not. 

"I used to love, as well, Allen."

Allen looked up, somewhat surprised. Aston took this surprise with laughter,

"What? You think I've always been this stodgy old man with a belly?" He patted his large stomach, and laughed. He shook his head, "No..no, I was once handsome and tall, like you. Oh the ladies flocked to dance with me, to have me pick up their handkerchiefs." He smiled at the memory. He glanced slyly at Allen,

"I wasn't much different from yourself."

Allen flushed, and avoided his gaze. Aston smiled and looked out the large cathedral windows in the Grand Hall. The sun was bright outside, and the sea sparkled in the distance. 

"Yes, young and fiery." He smiled at some long ago memory, "Therese was my heart, my heart and my life. I see you, so enraptured with this girl," Aston's eyes focused on Allen's, "and it reminds me of how I once was. I would've lain my heart at her feet, my kingdom, my duties, everythign was behind her. Everything took second place."

Allen listened, to the sad yet beautiful story of a king that he had known not existed. He knew that Queen Therese had died when Millerna was a baby, supposedly in childbirth. He wondered how the old king must feel, for Aston barely ever spoke of her. Aston sighed, just barely, and spoke again.

"You see, the problem with us men is, we think we're good enough for them." Aston turned to look back at the knight. Allen searched Aston's mustached face for some sort of hint that he was joking. But the King's face was gravely serious, his old blue eyes were sad. He looked at Allen, "The problem always was, that we always think we're good enough. That's what causes everything." He shrugged and smiled slightly at Allen's credulous expression.

"Your Majesty?" Allen was confused. Not good enough? Well he loved her, he'd never thought of whether or not he deserved her...

Aston shook his head, a grim smile on his face.

"No, Allen Schezar, you aren't and you never will be. Your manly pride will shield that fact from you, but I have learned. Learned from years of thought and speculation. I, with my entire wealth and kingdom, never even came close to deserving a woman like Therese. And it is the same with all those we love. We shall never measure up to them, how could we? The love they embody in us, well, it just surpasses everything." 

Allen stared at the marble floor, his memory flooding him with pain-filled images. Yukari laughing while she rode her horse, Gwynne through the meadows. Her dark hair flying out behind her. Her eyes shining, she was so happy, so carefree. Allen imagined that whatever was on that mystic moon, must be great, for her to want to go back. Slowly, a realization dawned on the Heavenly knight. A realization that never would've occurred had Aston not pointed it out.

He wouldn't ever measure up to her love, he never could. It was like trying to knock down a mountain with only a feather. Impossible. Slowly, Allen looked up at Aston. A newfound respect in his eyes.

"King Aston.." Allen paused, thoughts of Yukari running through his mind like sand. "How will I ever go on living with the knowledge that she is still out there. A part of me, is out there, lost to me! How..how can I just go back to the way it was before?"

Aston studied Allen for a long while. Then a chuckled shortly,

"You know, Allen, that was the exact same question I asked myself, when Therese..." He trailed off, his eyes hooded. "Only, my predicament was final. Yours is not, Allen Schezar. You still have the chance out there, somewhere."

"How!? The levaship doesn't work!" Allen almost wailed with the pent-up frustration of it all.

Aston shrugged, "I am not a mechanical genius, I don't know." He pointed out, somewhat peevishly. Then his expression softened, "All I know, is that if you believe hard enough, perhaps you just may get that chance. Someday." Aston sighed, and stared out the window. His eyes going far away, Allen could see that the old king was reliving some long-ago memory with his love. He wondered, when he grew old, would he look back on the past three months, and realize that it was the time of his life? Suddenly, Allen wondered why he'd been so hesitant in telling her his feelings. Because of damn pride? What was pride, he thought sadly, if she wasn't there to be proud of him?

Getting up, Allen bowed to the King. Turning, he started out the door. At the exit, he paused, and turned back towards Aston.

"Your Highness?"

"Hmm?" Aston was absorbed in some thought.

"I'm sorry, about...Therese."

Aston looked at Allen, surprise evident on his face. Then he smiled, a real genuine smile. A smile that rarely creased the old king's face. 

"Don't be. I don't regret a single moment of it. And neither does she." He said simply. 

Allen walked out of the throne room, Aston's words ringing in his head. No regrets. No regrets. Aston's mind and heart was at peace, because he had no regrets. Maybe the reason, he, Allen, felt so empty was because he, too, had been trying to pretend that he had no regrets.

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**_~***~_**

_A week since I have returned. _

_I don't know..I think I left a part of me on Gaea. Actually, I'm pretty sure I did. That's what Hitomi says as well, that she too, left a part of herself on Gaea. But then I ask her, that if she had stayed, wouldn't a part of her have been lost on Earth as well? She doesn't seem to have an answer for everything...but she has answers for most things._

_Sometimes, I love her logical mind. Sometimes, it's the bane of my existence._

_I dream, a lot. I dream that Allen will come, sweeping me into the sky, taking me back with him. I dream that he will arrive, in a huge golden ship that flies, and take me in his arms and tell me that he loves me. I dream that we ride through a meadow of flowers, and nothing in the universe can touch us. Its those times, that Hitomi's damn logic whispers its words in my mind, and the dream ends._

_So..I guess her logic is good and bad._

_Odd, I used to be the logical one._

**_~***~_**

"Have you ever thought, Hitomi, maybe we could board like a space shuttle and fly back up there?" Yukari lay on her bed, Hitomi was sprawled on a mattress on the floor. She was spending the night at Yukari's, and they were up reading magazines. Almost a week had passed since her trip to Gaea. Yukari just couldn't get over it. 

Hitomi flipped the pages of a teen magazine. You know, the ones with all the gossip and news about the next young stars. Yukari had stopped reading those. All the young, hot stars....just didn't seem to compare with Allen Schezar. 

"Hmm?" Hitomi asked, her eyes scanning the pages briefly, before flipping onto the next page.

"I said," Yukari rolled onto her back and stared at her familiar ceiling, "I wonder if we could go back to Gaea by boarding a spaceship."

"I don't think its likely, Yukari." Hitomi answered automatically.

It was nice, their little secret. Hitomi rarely spoke of Van thought, it was like she'd buried him inside of herself. Yukari, on the other hand, babbled on about Allen. Everything reminded her of him. 

"But..don't' you think its worth it to give it a try?"

"No."

"Aww come on Hitomi. Stop being a downer."

"I'm not." Hitomi flipped another page. "Hmm..look at this kid. He's only 12, he's some major star in America." She laughed.

Yukari rolled her eyes.

"Come on Hitomi, I know you want to go back just as much as I do."

Hitomi looked up suddenly, her eyes sharp. "Go back? I never said anything about going back." 

Yukari sat up, stunned. "What?"

"I said.." Hitomi began, but Yukari shook her head. 

"I know, I heard. You-you don't want to go back to Gaea?"

Hitomi shrugged. Another flip of the page. Tossing her auburn, she glanced down at the tips. 

"Hmm..I think I need a trim soon. Or maybe, maybe I'll grow it out. You know, a new style. What do you think?" Hitomi looked up expectantly at Yukari.

Yukari narrowed her eyes, her mouth hanging open. What the hell was going on with Hitomi?! Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she tried to make sense of things.

"Okay, Hitomi. I don't get it."

"Don't get what?" She was back to the magazine again.

"I don't get...the way, your acting."

"Acting?"

"Yes!" Yukari exclaimed, frustrated. "For the past month, you've been nothing but a pain in the ass!" 

Hitomi looked up, "Thanks.." She muttered.

Yukari sighed, "You know what I mean. You've been all..sulky and quiet and distant."

Hitomi nodded, "And now you know why."

"Yes! But..now that I know that the reason you were so sad, was because you left your true love on Gaea. You turn around and tell me, that you don't even want to go back to Gaea!"

"I didn't say that."

"No?"

Hitomi shook her head. "Nope." She studied another picture of a star. "Hey look at..."

"Ugh! Hitomi!" Yukari threw her hands in the hair. 

Hitomi glanced up at her best friend, then sighed wearily. She flipped the magazine shut and sat up, facing Yukari. Her green eyes were serious. 

"Yukari, don't you understand? Yes, I was sad that I left Van behind, and yes, I miss him. But, part of the reason why the last month has been such hell is because well, I just didn't have anyone to talk to about it. It was like, all my feelings got pent up inside of me just waiting to burst. And all the while, no one understood. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be all alone on Earth, where no one understands, or is capable of understanding?!" Hitomi paused, and smiled slightly at Yukari. "All those feelings left, when I had someone to talk to about it. I mean, I still miss Van, and I love him, I'm sure of that. But, the frustration's gone. Its like, someone understands now, you know?"

Yukari was silent. She wondered what it would've felt like, if she had come back from Gaea and there would be no one who understood. Perhaps Hitomi had a point.

"So...don't you even think about going back?" Yukari asked. She hadn't really answered question, anyway.

Hitomi shrugged, "I don't know. I'm...I'm okay now." She smiled at Yukari. "It feels so good, to have someone to speak to. Before, I thought that life would have ended if it had gone on as it did, but..now. Now I feel like I can go on again, with my life. Time does heal, no matter what people say."

"But Hitomi, don't...don't you miss him?"

Hitomi rolled her eyes, exasperated, "Of course I do! Van.." Her face softened, and she smiled at some memory, "Van was-is the love of my life."

"Then.."

"I know, I know, Yukari. I know you don't understand. But you will." Hitomi's green eyes searched Yukari's, "You see, there's nothing we can do. I mean, we can keep the memories, and think about them. But..if we waste our life, wrapped up in misery and sorrow..well, life just wouldn't be worth living, would it?"

"There's just gotta be something we can do!!" Yukari's fists clenched. "There has to be!!! We just have to find it!!"

Hitomi shook her head sadly, "No, Yukari. The pendant. You know, the pendant I always used to wear. It was..the only way back."

Yukari's head snapped up. She remembered the pink centered pendant that Hitomi had always worn around her neck. Her eyes were huge. Hitomi shook her head, quickly ending any sort of hope Yukari had had.

"No, Yukari." She shook her head, sadly. "I left the pendant with Van, when I left."

"What!?!?! Why the hell'd you do that?!"

Hitomi shrugged, "I dunno. It..it was symbol of my love for him."

Yukari let out a loud exasperated, annoyed groan. "Oh my god."

"Yeah."

They lay in silence for a while. The ticking of Yukari's alarm clock was loud in the room. Hitomi had discarded the magazine, and both girls lay on their backs. They stared up at the ceiling. Suddenly, Yukari sat up again, her eyes wide.

"Hey!! What if...what if Van used the pendant to come here!"

Hitomi barely opened her eyes. Yukari was excited, 

"Yeah! Yeah!! He..he can come back with the pendant and then he can take us back there with him! Oh my god, it'll work!!" Yukari bounced excitedly on the bed. 

Hitomi's eyes were shut.

"If you can somehow get message across a dimensions to Van, telling him to use the pendant. Oh, and then you've gotta send another message telling him how to use it. WHich, of course, I'm not even sure of." Hitomi shrugged. 

"Why do you always have to be such a downer?" Yukari asked, sinking back down onto the bed.

"Just to bug you." Hitomi said lightly.

"That was cruel."

"Hmmm..."

The night was dark, and Yukari, for the first time since she'd been back on Earth, was happy. Hitomi was back to status of best friend, and somehow, talking of Allen lessened the pain, if only a little. If only she could send a message.....somehow....

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__Van threw aside another shirt. This packing business was really annoying. But in a few days, he would be departing from Palas, Asturia to head back home to Fanelia. He thought of the beautiful Fanelian forests, and the mountains in the distance, and the thought brought a smile to his lips. 

After Hitomi had left him, he had wondered what exactly there was to live for. He had thought that life had ended then, that everything else would pale in comparison to the emotions he had felt for her. Perhaps everything else had paled. But as he thought of riding through the forest, the waters sparkling, the wind rustling the multi-coloured leaves, Van realized that only one part of him had died when she left. Another part still lived. 

"King Van, your thinking of her, aren't you?" Merle skipped up and sat on the bed, looking up at him. Van smiled at his best friend.

"Hey Merle." He said softly. Merle licked her paw, looking very put out.

"You always get that dreamy expression lately, why?" 

"I don't have an expression!" Van looked at her, startled. Merle burst into laughter, her bright eyes dancing.

"You do so! See, the remnants of it are still on your face!" She pointed. Van narrowed his eyes in thought, then turned to face the mirror. He studied himself. Mirrors weren't a big thing for him, they never had been. He'd never really been the vain type in the first place. Of late, his ministers had been hinting at marriage, but he'd disregarded them. They had told him that there were plenty of maidens out there that would give a hand and a leg to marry him, but Van had always thought that it was because of his kingdom, rather than his looks. Studying his dark hair, and darker eyes, he wondered what Hitomi saw in him. What had she seen him that he hadn't seen in himself?

"See!? Its there right now." Merle pointed out. 

Van turned, and grinned at Merle. He snatched the trousers that she was sitting on out from under her, causing her to topple over. Throwing into the case, he stared around the room. 

He visited Asturia often, and these quarters were designated as his. They were spacious and luxurious. 

"Van?" Merle spoke softly. 

"Yes?" Van had turned, his back facing her. He stared out the window at the Asturian sunset. The sea sparkled. Van thought that he could keep that image, of the sunlight flickering off the water, in his memory for all eternity.

"I didn't know she gave this to you." 

Van turned, and saw what Merle held in her hand. It was the pendant. It swing freely in the air, Merle holding on edge of the necklace. Striding forward, Van grabbed it for it, but she dodged away.

"Give it to me, Merle." He said sharply.

"Van, she gave this to you?" Merle insisted.

"Yes!" He made another grab for it, and this time got it. Merle looked up at him, hurt radiating from her expression. He sighed, the pendant in his fist. "I'm sorry, Merle. I...I didn't speak to anyone of it. It hurt too much at the beginning. And then, later, I just...I just got wrapped up in other things."

Merle didn't reply. Van sighed again, and sat next to her on the bed. Her face was hidden in her knees, and she refused to look at him.

"Merle, why are you so mad?" Van asked, exasperated.

Merle just shook her head.

"Mere! Come on.." Van tried to pry her arms from around her knees, but she was all curled up tight. Finally, she relaxed, and looked up at him, her eyes suddenly bright.

"Van.."

"You forgive me, Merle?" 

She shook her head. He started to say something, but she stopped him. 

"Van..I don't think you realize anything." 

"What?" Van looked at her, confused. Merle rolled her eyes.

"You, Van Fanel, are an idiot."

"What!?!" 

Merle nodded, and stood. She bounced off the bed, and headed towards the door. Her tail low and dragging on the floor, she suddenly looked sad and defeated. At the doorway, she stopped and turned to look at Van.

"You don't realize it, do you? I don't think the thought has ever crossed your mind!" She said, almost amazed at her own statement. She shook her head, and laughed bitterly. "Van, you have Hitomi's pendant. The way to her..." Merle looked at him, her eyes suddenly sad and pain-filled. "..is open."

Then she turned, and fled from the room. Van stared after her. The way to Hitomi was open, what did she mean by that? He looked down at the pendant he held. His fists opened, and it lay in the palm of his hand. It shone softly in the light. Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat. 

"My god.." He said softly. He sprang up, and rushed out. Only one name resonated in his heart, Hitomi.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Allen took another walk around the levaship. He had ordered Gadeth to have it brought in. King Aston's little speech had struck hope into him once more, but now, as he paced around the ship, that hope was slowly dying. Like a flame in water, it died slowly. It would never work, trying to fly the levaship to the mystic moon, it was nonsense. Absolute craziness, he was a fool to even think it. 

But perhaps the fact was, he was a fool. He was a goddamn idiot. The girl of his dreams had spent the last 3 months with him, and he'd never even noticed. Now that she was gone, it was painfully obvious to him. If only he hadn't been so wrapped up in denial, trying to preserve the precious image he had. If only he'd opened his heart, listening to her, instead to staying so high up there on his perch. Now, King Aston's words rang so painfully true. 'You'll never be good enough, not for her. How can we measure up?' The voices played in his mind. 

"Allen! Allen!" 

Allen turned to the voice, to find a gasping Van. Allen turned away, flushing. He'd told Van that he was going to give up on this ridiculous notion of reaching the mystic moon. Even Van had thought it ridiculous. Allen bent down, pretending to examine a crack in the levaship.

"Oh hey, Van." He said, his voice forcefully light. "I'm just you know, uh, making sure the ship's in good condition, you know." He shrugged off the excuse. Van looked at him, an odd look on his face.

"Whatever, Allen." Van brushed the excuse away, his face flushed. Allen wondered what had gotten the usually sober king so excited. Van shoved something in Allen's face.

"What?" Allen backed up from the suddenness of it. It was the pendant, the pendant that Hitomi had worn so long ago, to predict the future. Van clutched it, his eyes shining."Look! Allen look! I have it!" 

Allen narrowed his eyes, nodded. "Yes...you do." He looked at Van curiously. True, he hadn't known that Hitomi had given her pendant to Van. Hadn't it been her grandmother's or something? "Van.."

"No!" Van shook his head, he laughed, a sound that Allen was surprised to hear. Van..laughing? What was the occasion? "Allen.."

"Van, what's the matter?" Allen turned to face his friend, and noticed Van's disheveled hair, his flushed and excited expression. 

"Allen, the way. They way is open!"

"Huh?"

"This!" Van held up the pendant, almost triumphantly, "This will get us to the mystic moon!" He proclaimed.

Allen gawked at his friend. Had Van gone insane? Allen studied Van. Van had seemed to have gotten over Hitomi's parting, he'd almost seemed himself again lately. But perhaps he was only good at hiding it. Allen narrowed his eyes in thought, it wasn't unheard of for love to drive a man crazy. God knows, he was on the brink of it himself. Perhaps the knowledge that Yukari had come from the mystic moon had just tipped Van over the edge. Sighing, Allen suddenly felt very tired. He couldn't deal with this, not right now. Not with her words still so fresh in his mind. 

"Van, come on, lets go inside. Lets just talk about this later, okay?" Allen said gently. Van pulled away, his expression darkening.

"Allen! I'm not crazy! This will bring us there!" He shoved the pendant forward, his face hard and proud. At Allen's sad look, Van recoiled. "I'm not crazy!" He insisted. "Merle said so, and this..this is how she came!"

"Van.."

"No, you listen to me Allen! You've been trying to get the levaship to get to the mystic moon, who are you to say that this is any crazier!"

"No!" Allen turned away, his fists clenched angrily. Or was it pain that caused him to flinch from the words? "No, you said so yourself Van. I have to get over her. I have to go on with my life, and now here you are. Bringing it all back." He choked on the thought of her. 

Van was silent, watching his friend. He knew the feeling, knew them too well. "Allen," He said gently. "I know you think I'm crazy. But..just trust me on this. Trust our friendship on this." Van's dark eyes searched Allen's blue ones. "I - I know this is the way. Its gotta be. This is our answer, Allen."

Allen didn't move. Finally, he spoke, "And what if it is?"

"What?"

"What if it is the way?" Allen's gaze flickered away. "What good would it do, but to reopen wounds that have a hard time closing. You know you can't stay there. You have Fanelia, and even if I were to abandon my duties as a knight, what do I have there but her? And would it be too much to hope that they would come back with us? I think so. Why do you keep trying Van?"

Van's jaw clenched, his eyes suddenly bleak. Allen's words were cutting, they just struck down his soul. What hope did he have? Why was he trying? 

"I.." He trailed off. He looked up and smiled. His spirits rose. "I'm just hoping for a second chance. A second chance, perhaps, to get it right this time."

Allen stared at his friend, a second chance to get it right. The words resounded over and over. Perhaps this time, as Van said, he could get it right.


	12. In Dreams : Chap.12 - 'The One'

**Chap.12 - 'The One'**

  
  


"So..when's this supposed to work anyway?" Allen asked. 

They stood in a grove of trees, on the border of the Fanelian forest. Just the two of them, with Van walking around in circle, his eyes concentrated on the pendant that he held in front of him. The sun was just setting. Allen sat up against a tree, wittling away at a stick while Van continued his pacing. Almost 10 hours straight of pacing, that guy had resolve. 

Allen had requested a leave for his duties, which Aston had granted with a little smile playing on his lips. Millerna had been tight-lipped and pale, but had actually given him a smile when he had left. Perhaps she would be alright after all. Van had left his advisors in charge, as well as Merle, for which the advisors where not the happiest.

Van had insisted on traveling to the borders of the Fanelian forest, and had reassured Allen several times that he knew what he was doing. Now, as Allen watched Van pacing around the grove, he thought that likelihood much slimmer. 

"Just wait." Van replied shortly. He backed up a few paces, stared at the pendant, then continued to circle the small grove. Allen sighed, and prepared to be spending the night in the grove.

Eventually, Van threw himself down on the grass, the pendant hanging limply around his neck. Allen glanced sidelong at him. Both said nothing. Eventually, Van drew himself up wearily and began his steady pacing again.

The sun was setting, and the sky darkening rapidly. Allen drew his cloak around himself, and shivered. The air grew chill. He began to grumble, first silently, then more loudly. Sometimes, grumbling to yourself was just not any fun.

"Van, its getting cold." He hinted.

"Hmmhm.." Van agreed, his eyes gazing up at the mystic moon, then back down at the pendant.

"Yeah, very cold."

"Hmm.."

"Well?"

"What?" Van looked at Allen, a hint of annoyance in his expression. Allen rolled his eyes, but leaned back, swallowing his comments.

Another hour passed.

"Van?"

"What?"

"This is pointless."

Van didn't reply. He simply swung the pendant around a few times, just as Allen had seen Hitomi do. Allen narrowed his eyes, this was getting stupid. Here he was, in the middle of the Fanelian forest, freezing his ass off, thinking of Her. Well, he could think of Her to his heart's content in a warm room, with a fire blazing with more to eat than hard bread. 

"Van!" When he didn't reply, Allen stood, and stretched. "Van, this is stupid! We're just sitting here. So much for your plan." He muttered. He turned, walked in a few circles, then approached the young king again. Van didn't have seemed to have changed positions at all. His eyes simply fixed on the pendant, as if willing it to take them to the mystic moon. 

Allen was, in some ways, surprised at the determined, almost crazy look in Van's eyes. He'd thought that Van had gotten over Hitomi. Perhaps, he was just better at burying his feelings than most. Allen smiled wryly, how odd. This predicament. Allen shivered agian, which brought him back to reality. 

"Van!" He barked, "Do you even know what you're doing?!" He demanded. That seemed to set off something in the king.

Van suddenly turned on him, his amber eyes fiery and angry. 

"No!" His eyes sparked, "No I don't! I don't have a freakin' clue what I'm doing!" He shoved the pendant in Allen's face, his emotions raging. "See this? I don't have a clue what it does!" Van glared angrily at Allen. His gaze flickered to the mystic moon, "All I know, is that there's girl up there, and I'm here with her pendant. Somehow, I've gotta get up there to get it right, okay? Now, if you wanna go back, fine! But don't grumble to me, all the while being too much of a coward to admit that you wanna go up there as much as I do!" 

"I..." Allen protested, almost shocked at the expressions crossing Van's face.

"No! Either shut up and concentrate with me, or get the hell out! I'll say Hi to your precious Yukari for you!" Van turned around contemptuously. 

"Van..." Allen paused. He blinked a few times. Oh god, this was getting worse every minute. And all the while, he hurt inside for her. "Oh god." He muttered. He turned to sit back down, when a sudden rage filled him. Rage at what? He didn't know.

It was like a fire, that found kindling in his heart, and grew to enormous proportions in the seconds it took to conjure up an image of her. Her beautiful dark eyes gazing up at him adoringly, her telling him how wonderful he was, her laughter at his jokes. It was like a sudden conjuring of her right there, as if she flickered there and smiled at him shyly as she had done so often before. 

A wave of despair washed over Allen. 

"Van!" He rushed up to Van, and his fingers grasped his shoulders. Van was staring at Allen in shock and surprise. Allen stared into Van's eyes, suddenly understanding how Van must've felt, to have had half his heart ripped out. "Please...I love her, Van. I love her more than the world!" For once in his life, Allen felt no shame in the fact that tears stung his eyes. Allen's hands practically shook Van, as Allen felt his heart being torn to pieces all over again.

"I love her more than life, Van! And, I don't deserve her, and I probably never will, but how will I ever go on living if I never try?!?!" Allen's vision was so blurred by the tears, that he didn't notice that the pendant had begun to glow. Van also seemed oblivious of this fact, as he struggled to remain upright, a surprised-shocked kind of expression on his face.

"Allen..." He started.

Suddenly, the two of them started to lift off the ground. Their vision encompassed in blue. 

"Allen?" Van looked down at his friend. Allen's eyes were wide, the tears gone. The pain in his expression replaced with excitement, surprise and, oddly, fear. 

"Van," He whispered, "I think we did it."

Van smiled slightly, "No, Allen. You did it."

They floated higher, the trees shimmering below. A sudden fear gripped Allen. What if he never came back? Were they in over their heads?

"Van?"

"What?"

"What're we gonna do....once we get there?"

Van's reply, his voice oddly bleak, was despairing. 

"I'm...uhh..making this up as I go along."

"Oh.."

"You?"

"I thought that you had the plan."

Then everything blacked out.

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**_~***~_**

_The days go by so slowly sigh Its like everything has been put into slow motion. Every emotion, every feeling, so painfully full and clear. So painful abrupt. Why can't time just zoom by?_

_I guess, you could say, that things are okay. I mean, as okay as things can be when I hurt like hell. I guess that sounds weird right? To hurt like hell laughs Yeah, I do. I hurt more than if I were stabbed, I feel like I was stabbed._

_I told Hitomi how I felt, she just shrugged. I think she's covering up again. I figured, that, after our last chat, she had to be just covering up everything. She had to be! I mean, with these feelings inside of me, how could I ever get over Allen? How could she ever get over Van? Has she just become really good at hiding her feelings? So good, in fact, that she hid them from herself....perhaps. _

_But things have begun to flow, I guess you could say. It doesn't feel...strange, perhaps...to be home anymore. Time does that, it dulls things. It dulls certain aspects of your daily routine, slowly shaping it, changing it to another routine. Hmmm.....Deep thoughts._

**_~***~_**

Yukari drifted soundlessly towards her locker. School and everything around it seemed like a dream. It was like her stay in Gaea had been more real, and now this was her dream. How odd. She hummed lightly, not realizing the song she hummed was one popular in the Asturian courts and played often during the balls and galas. Not realizing that the song she hummed was the one the orchestra had been playing when she had danced in Allen's arms. She'd been in heaven then. 

She stopped in front of her locker and shoved her books in. People were hurriedly walking by, chatting, gossiping, whispering. A sudden pang of regret filled her. She no longer felt..at home. Why? On Gaea, she'd been homesick, and now on Earth, she longed for Gaea. Perhaps it was because, over the months she'd spent there, it had become her home. How odd it is that you never realize what you have until you've lost it, Yukari thought, almost bitterly. She'd never been bitter before. Wry, and sometimes waspish, but never bitter. 

Suddenly, large hands covered her face, blocking out her line of vision. She sighed inwardly.

"Amano?"

He jumped out from behind her, and grinned. 

"Hey Yukari," He studied her for a moment. "What's wrong?"

She just shook her head. 

"Nothing, nothings wrong." She smiled, then shut her locker. "Nothings wrong at all." 

He gave her an odd expression, then shrugged. He followed her along as she made her way outside. The day had been a long one, and Yukari felt an annoyance with the world that had stayed with her the entire day. The last thing she needed was questions from Amano. This made her flush guiltily, as she knew that he meant only well. But lately, his prodding questions and nosy remarks had irritated her more than usual. 

Yukari squinted as they headed out into the bright sunlight of the school's track. On it, was most of the track team, stretching and warming up for races. Yukari smiled, as Hitomi jogged over, changed out of her uniform, and into her shorts and sweats. 

"Racing again?" Amano looked surprised. Hitomi had seemed to have given up on the track lately, and he wondered at the sudden change within her. Hitomi nodded curtly, 

"Yeah, I - well, I decided..."

"To stop acting like a moody spoiled brat?" Amano supplied. Hitomi flushed, scowling darkly. Yukari glanced sideways at Amano, surprised at how snappish it sounded coming from him. 

"Amano.." Yukari started softly. He just looked at her, innocence and self-tragedy written on his face.

"What? Its the truth," He glanced at Hitomi, and faltered slightly at the intensity of her glare. "What? Hitomi, you were pretty sulky."

"Thanks for pointing it out, friend." Hitomi snapped, then turning, she ran back towards the rest of the team. 

Amano stared after her, then turned to Yukari. 

"Well?" He regarded her expectantly, "I was just trying to be truthful."

Yukari just sighed, and headed towards a little grove of trees that was shaded from the bright sunlight. The grove connected onto an empty parking lot that housed cars for the richer students that could afford them. SInce school had ended nearly fifteen minutes ago, the lot was empty. Everyone rushed to get home. Yukari leaned against the cool bark of one of the tall trees that shaded the grove. She looked out under shielded eyes at Amano.

"Don't you think that was a bit cruel?" She asked softly. The sunlight shone dully off the treads in the track. Amano looked up, 

"I was just trying to be a friend." He scowled. "Trying to be truthful..." He muttered. "A friends doesn't really hide the truth and butter it up," He squared his shoulders valiantly, to Yukari's annoyance, and his chest seemed to puff up with the justice he was doing to the world. Yukari felt a pang of irritation at Amano's actions. THis was what always ticked her off about him. His justice, and his own valued goodness. It had always annoyed her, but lately, on her agitated nerves, it had seemed to grow in proportions and comments just seemed to pop up everywhere.

"Oh your just the greatest friend." Yukari said, her voice dripping sarcasm. Amano nodded, smiling. Then frowned, and glared at her.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean."

"Exactly what you think it means." She answered calmly, looking at her nails in the sunlight. "Amano," Her voice lost the hard edge. "There are times when a friend is supposed to encourage, rather than put down. This was one of those times." She said gently.

Amano stared at her. Yukari rolled her eyes.

**_~***~_**

_God, sometimes Amano can be so dense when it comes to girls. I mean, seriously, telling Hitomi she was a brat?! Even a fool when it comes to love, like Allen...a beautiful fool mind you...wouldn't say that! Allen...why does every single little thing I think about always come back to him? I don't want it to, god knows I don't. I'm trying to get over him, I really am. But his face fills my every moment, I even freakin' dream about him! sighs/thought softly He's my angel, he fills my every thought...._

_I think that's what scares me the most. The thought that makes my heart bleed, and keeps me up in the middle of the night. What if Allen Schezar was 'the one'? What if, in this life, we only get one chance at true love, and my chance just slipped through my fingers because I never had the nerve to speak up. What if I never find another true love, what if the rest of my life is devoid of love? The thought of spending the rest of my long life in loneliness is one that drives me to tears...These questions make me feel queasy and nauseous inside, make me cry and hurt unbearably inside. _

_I love Allen Schezar, I love him with my whole being. I sometimes feel that I would be consumed by that love. If only I had had the courage to admit this earlier. If only....._

**_~***~_**

Amano watched Yukari, watched as her eyes diluted and faded out as her gaze went faraway. Someplace far away deep in her thoughts where he could never go. His jaw clenched. 

"I guess I really botched that up, didn't I?" He said softly. Yukari nodded vaguely,

"Very much so." She agreed.

Amano sighed. He just wasn't good at this seriousness stuff. It was easy for him, to be the center of attention. It was easy to make people feel good and laugh, to 'talk it up' that was what he was good at. This seriousness, this feelings business, it had him confused and unsure of himself. 

His time was running out. Too soon, he would be moving away, across an ocean. His gaze studied Yukari's distant expression. He had known Hitomi had loved him, or at least, liked him a lot. He'd been flattered, and then had started to seriously like her in return. Then she'd changed, and had begun to push him away. During that period, when Hitomi had become moody and upset, Amano had turned to Yukari for answers and company. In Yukari, he had found everything he had ever hoped to find in a his dream girl, and more. Only, he'd never realized it, until Yukari too, had started to drift away. Never realized it until he'd lost her. Life was strange in that way. 

"Yukari?" He started softly. She turned to look at him, her dark eyes huge and depthless. She was still put off with him. His voice caught in his throat by her beauty and her scorn. 

"What?" She asked.

"I..." He trailed off. Her eyes blinked up at him, expectant. She wasn't really mad, just annoyed. She'd been annoyed at him often these days, he thought. Was that a bad sign? "I'm leaving." He said suddenly. 

Yukari stared.

"What?"

"I'm leaving," He repeated, then cleared, "I mean, I'm moving...away."

"Moving away?" Yukari stared at him as if he'd just grown another nose. Amano nodded,

"Yes."

"Leaving?" Yukari repeated. She sounded like a chorus in some half-assed play. She blinked, "I...umm, I don't know what to say."

Amano nodded. He looked down. Inside, he was a mess. How could he tell her? He wanted to, god knows he did. He needed to. Why? That little voice inside said accusingly. So you can leave her with a broken heart? No, he reprimanded it sharply. His fists clenched, because I need to know, he thought. I need to know what she feels for me. 

"I love you." He blurted. Silence all around.

He kicked himself inside. That was a stupid way to say it, he thought. 'God, I'm an idiot' was his second thought. He'd prepared this entire, romantic speech in his head, about eternal love. He'd even rehearsed it to an imaginary Yukari in his mind. And in his mind, she'd loved him back, and had thrown her arms around him. In reality, she stared. Her expression barely registered. He flushed, shuffling his feet, staring at the ground. Finally, Yukari laughed nervously,

"Haaaa...oh my god, I must be crazy!" She giggled nervously, "I mean, I just thought you said that you loved me! Haa...what a joke, right?" She looked up at him. The laughter died when he didn't laugh. "Right?" She demanded. 

He flushed darkly,

"You could believe me." He pointed out.

"Believe what?!" Yukari exclaimed. 

"That I love you."

Yukari stared at him. 

**_~***~_**

_Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god....I DO NOT NEED THIS!!!!! my god, do I ever not need this! SHIT! This is like the worst thing that could ever happen! Amano, loves ME?! ME! He's supposed to love Hitomi, I've worked so hard for him to love Hitomi, and he loves me!!!! Why does life do this!?_

_Okay breathes rapidly okay..I can deal. I can deal. Your the logical one, remember Yukari? The problem solver, the manager, you can do this.._

_muttering okay..clean and quick, quick and painless, just...kindly Yukari, put him down kindly....he's still one of your best friends remember...deep breath ..Quick and Painless...._

**_~***~_**

"Amano.." Yukari started. Amano was gazing at her, his dark eyes unreadable. 

"Don't speak, Yukari, just don't speak." He whispered. Suddenly, stepped closer, his face looming too close. Yukari's eyes widened, she knew what htis lead into.

"..no." She murmured. Amano ignored her

Gently, but firmly, he kissed her. He loved her, and he kissed her. Hell, Amano thought, I've gotta know.

Yukari, her back to the empty parking lot behind her, didn't see the bright blue light that shot out of the sky.

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Allen didn't realize how tightly his eyes had been screwed shut, until he opened them and they ached fiercely. He glanced sideways to make sure Van was still there. His heart beat rapidly. 

The blue light that encased them suddenly disappeared, leaving them breathless and sprawling on some hard surface. Allen tried to catch his breath, but his heart just seemed to be going too fast for his body to handle. 

"Van-" He gasped, sitting up to look at the young king. Van's face was pale, and drawn, but his eyes shone excitedly. "We did it Van! We're on the mystic moon!" Allen exclaimed. He wanted to jump up and do a little jig. Finally, he would find Yukari and tell her what he should have told her when he'd first had the chance! 

Van stood slowly, brushing the dust off his cloak. It was nearing twilight. Allen gazed around, curious. He'd always wondered what Hitomi's world had been like. Now, he knew. It was different, that was certain. Allen stared at the tall buildings in the distance, they reminded him of Zaibach, only much brighter, much happier. In the distance, he could hear laughter. Now he knew why Hitomi had been so eager to come back, Allen didn't' think it was such a bad place afterall.

"How will we find-" Allen started, but was then cut off. He stared. It couldn't be her..it just couldn't be. She said she'd loved him, and he thought she'd meant it. But then...who was that girl who had her shimmering hair?

Van, seeing his friend's face go pale, also looked in that direction. 

Allen thought the other half of his heart was breaking. The picture stood frozen in time, if not in reality, in his mind. In his mind, he saw her, his beautiful Yukari, in the arms of another. His breath caught in his throat, and he resisted the swift urge to cry. 

TUrning away swiftly, so as to block the picture from his sight, Allen stared at the ground, not really seeing the ground. His whole vision was taken up with her, her in his arms, their lips locked in a tender embrace. The pain was real, and whole, and it consumed him like fair. 

"Allen.." Van breathed at least, he hardly believed what he saw. He turned away as well. "...Allen."

Allen, his body rigid and his jaw clenched didn't speak. HIs face twitched, as if unsure of what to do. He'd risked everything for her, who in hell knew if he could even get back to Gaea! He'd been willing to leave his life on Gaea, his friends, his duties as a knight, all for her. Everything for her, and she'd turned around and loved another. It'd only been two months. 

He felt pain, a sharp pain that he knew no sword could ever inflict. But most of all, he felt a deep betrayal. This is what you get, he thought bitterly, when you trust your love to someone. Inside, he knew that never again, would he love so deeply. She'd been his image of the perfect girl, his perfect love. He'd been willing to give everything up for her, and the love for her had been so huge, he'd been afraid it would consume him. Never again, he promised himself, never again will I be so stupid.

Allen turned slowly, watching her, taking an odd fascination at how the hand's around her held her so gently. He remembered how she had felt in his arms, like liquid fire. Finally, their kiss ended. Allen wanted to see the face of the goddamn bastard Yukari had given her love to. Had she cried for him as well? Probably, Allen thought. 

Yukari stood still, Allen watched her carefully. Van had started to pull him away, speaking gently. But he'd struggled out of his grasp. He wanted to see this. Suddenly, Yukari turned, as if realizing she was being watched. 

Even at the sense of the deep pain and betrayel, Allen still felt his heart well up with love for her as she stared at him, her eyes deep as night. Stop it, he pressed down the love, she loves another. Her expression was one of total surprise, shock, and, Allen was surprised to find, pain. Pain shot through her face. 

Allen returned her gaze, the stone-faced knight that Millerna had been so concerned about, returning to take his place. His face was a mask of emotions, letting nothing out. They stared at each other, one pain filled with anguish, the other, pain filled with betrayel. 

Yukari broke away from the one she'd been kissing. Allen wanted to snort with contempt, he was only a boy. But that didn't' make the pain any less, and so he didn't.

"Allen!!" Yukari rushed towards him, pushing her way through the small border of trees towards him. Allen watched her coming closer, her features becoming more in focus. Her beautiful features, he'd memorized them. So much time wasted, he thought bitterly. She approached him, breathless, her hair swirling around her. She locked her eyes into his, her face was peaked.

"Allen! You don't understand!" She grabbed his hands. He wrenched them away, his heart breaking all over again. Her touch, so soft so gentle. He'd loved her, he still did. But no, he wouldn't. 

"Oh no, no no no. You see, I understand perfectly." He said coldly. Then turned away, walking away swiftly in the opposite direction. He needed to be alone. He couldn't rationalize with her before him, that's what she did to him. The wind blew, blowing the short golden strands of hair across his face. He brushed them aside carelessly. He disappeared around the corner of a building.

"Allen!" Yukari called, about to go after him. Van stopped her, placing a hand gently, but firmly, on her arm.

"Yukari, he just needs to be alone. Its how he thinks best."

She gazed up at Van, her eyes huge and filled with tears. The other boy, the one she'd been kissing, was coming forward towards them. 

"He doesn't Van, you've gotta believe me! I love Allen, I love no one but Allen! Van, you have to believe me!" Her voice was high, on the verge of tears. 

Van looked at her. At first, he too had dismissed Yukari. But now, seeing the anguish written plainly across her face, he believed her. He wondered if he would believe her if she had been Hitomi. It was a question he didn't want to find the answer to. Gently, he spoke,

"Yukari, I believe." He paused, "But its not me whom you have to convince."

Yukari stared at him, then her gaze went past him to the place where Allen had left. She bit her lip, and the tears fell slowly.

"He came for me." She whispered softly. "He came for me, and I let him down." 

  
  
  
  



	13. In Dreams : Chap.13 - So Close Yet So Fa...

**Chap.13 - So Close Yet So Faraway**

  
  


**_~***~_**

_What have I just done, oh my god, Allen Schezar..am I dreaming? _

_No...no I wasn't. He was here, and..oh gods, he saw me. He saw me kissing Amano!! Oh my god, he....he must be so hurt. I...I feel like, like this isn't real. Is this real? Is this for real? Is Van real, he's standing right in front of me his arm on my elbow and it feels real. I reach out and touch him, and he feels real, he tells me that he believes me and it sounds real. Van may be real, and his touch may be real..but the belief isn't real. He doesn't believe me, I can tell by that look in his eyes. _

_But, would I believe, if I saw Allen kissing Millerna right here right now? Would I believe that it was an accident, and that he didn't mean it? _

_No._

_So how can Allen believe? How can I make him believe me, how can I tell him that I love him, if he won't listen?_

**_~***~_**

Yukari stared at the spot where Allen had been standing. Only now, did the sensations, and emotions register. Oh god, she thought, he must think I betrayed him. Van had stopped her from going after him, but Yukari still leaned forward, wanting to see where he went. I have to tell, she thought, I have to set things straight. Allen came here for me, and I - I didn't even trust him enought to wait. Yukari blinked rapidly, the realization bringing hot tears to her eyes. They stung, perhaps it wasn't her eyes that stung, perhaps it was her heart.

"Van," She whispered, and he turned to look at her. "How can I make him believe me?" 

"Give him time." He replied. His gaze flickered on her, then elsewhere. He's searching for her, Yukari realized. Van came here for Hitomi, just as Allen came here for me. But, unlike me, she thought bitterly, Hitomi won't botch it up.

"She's on the track, doing wind sprints." Yukari answered the unspoken question in Van's mind. Van stared at her. Yukari shrugged, suddenly too tired to move. "You had to come for something, right?"

He nodded mutely. Running footsteps came up behind her, and Yukari turned slowly to look at Amano. He was gasping for breath, and looking from her strained expression to the Van, who stood beside her. 

"Yu-Yukari!" He panted, then caught his breath and looked at her. "What's going on?" He looked at Van, who returned his gaze evenly.

"Van, this is Amano, Amano, Van." She did quick introductions. A spurt of anger soared through her at Amano. It was because of him, that Allen was angry at her, all because of him. Yukari's fists clenched. He was just doing what his heart told him to do, a little voice inside her rationalized. I don't care, Yukari's heart responded. 

"I have to go, Amano. I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded coldly, then turned away, "Come on Van."

She walked briskly, not turning back. 

"Yukari! Wait-" His words were cut off by a gust of wind. She didn't turn back. She didn't stop walking until they reached the other side of the small thicket of trees that surrounded the track. When she stopped, Van looked at her oddly.

"A bit cruel, don't you think?" He said softly. Yukari flushed. Her thoughts exactly. Odd, she thought wryly, I'd been the one accusing Amano of being cruel. She shrugged and turned away.

"Hitomi! Hitomi!" Yukari called. Hitomi didn't hear, as the gun went off and she went flying. 

Sighing, they stood on the side, waiting for Hitomi to finish her run. Yukari was fidgety, tapping her foot, moving about. She wanted to speak to Allen, but didn't know what to say. She wanted to see him, but didn't want to face him. Van glanced at Yukari in slight annoyance."He'll come around." He assured her.

"What if he doesn't?" Yukari almost wailed. Almost as if she was waiting for him to say something, Yukari launched into full scale attack on the recognition of all her feelings. Van sighed inwardly, he really wasn't much for the whole confidante part. Lately, thought, it seemed like life just shoved that part to him. 

"...and if he never speaks to me again..." Yukari was beginning to rant.

Van gazed at her. He didn't think the quiet, shy girl he'd known in Asturia could say so much in one breath. He placed a hand on her shoulder, but when this served to only increase the flow of words, Van interrupted her.

"Yukari."

"...I don't know, Van, I don't know what to do! I mean I...."

"Yukari!!" 

She stopped, her head snapping to look at him, her mouth halfway in the middle of the next phrase.

"...huh?"

"Yukari, just.." Van sighed. "Your my friend, Yukari. And I say this because," Van glanced sidelong, searching for the right words. He'd never been one for the emotional speeches.

"Yukari, its hard for him." He tried again. "Its hard for him, I think. Because he loves you so much, so love makes it hard. Take it as a flattery, if he loved you less, he could care less."

Yukari stared at him, her eyes filling with tears.

"But Van, I-I-I...." She didn't get a chance to finish, because Hitomi's race was over.

Van turned away, staring across the field. In the distance, Hitomi stopped picking up a water bottle and wiping the sweat from her brow. It was dark out, and the tall lights over the track were on. Like a movie, Yukari thought. Smiling slightly, she nudged Van forward.

"Well? Aren't you gonna go to her?" She tried not to make it sound bitter, but cringed when it came out that way anyways. Van was watching Hitomi move around, from on person to another, her head thrown back in laughter.

"I-I don't know." Van suddenly balked. He looked at Yukari, his expression glazed. He blinked several times. "I didn't plan this far ahead."

Yukari found it easy to forget about her own botched up love life, when she focused on Van and Hitomi. At least one of us can be happy, she thought wryly. Might as well be Hitomi, I mean, she's waited almost two months. But still the hurt and the bitterness were there. She laughed softly,

"Love doesn't usually wait for you to plan, Van." She smiled, "Just go up to her. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

Van's eyes alighted, and Yukari sighed. She'd seen the young king so happy, so...young. In Asturia, he'd always seemed so kingly, so regal and starched. As if the weight of his crown had consumed him, and the human part had left, only to leave the king. He'd also seemed to have this aura of sadness around him, Yukari remembered noticing this sadness the first time she'd met him. 

"You think so?" 

Yukari nodded, "Of course. She talks only of you." She knew it was a lie, in part, on her half. But hey, sometimes a little white lie does more good than harm. In this case, that white lie was worth the expression of joy and elation that came over the sober, young king.

"Really?"

Yukari nodded slowly, "Ummhmm. So go." She pushed him gently towards Hitomi. "You've got nothing to lose."

Van looked away, "Only my dignity." He muttered.

"Oh and that's so important?" Yukari looked at him, challenging him. Van looked back, meeting her challenging. His gaze faltered, and he looked away. Yukari was right, what was dignity, if Hitomi wasn't there to be proud of him? Sometimes, Van and Allen were more alike, than they were different.

"Alright." Van relented. His heart was beating fast. Yukari was right, he'd come so far to do this. And if he balked now, he would regret it for the rest of his life. It was one of those moments, those moments were you just knew that the decisions that you made in these moments, would affect the rest of your life. He paused when he realized that Yukari wasn't beside him. "Aren't you coming?" He turned back, looking at her.

She just shook her head, blinking rapidly. She didn't need to see their reunion, or perhaps she didn't want to. 

"I'm-I'm tired." It was a bad excuse, even for her. Van could see right through it, but because he could, he didn't press her.

Nodding mutely, he continued on, while Yukari stood frozen watching the scene play out. This is not what I dreamed of, when I dreamed of Allen coming for me, Yukari thought dismally. This is nothing like that dream.

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Hitomi stretched one final time. She knew that her muscles would be in for a hard night. THis is what you get for not staying in shape, she reprimanded herself. Hitomi smiled slightly. Slowly, she'd work on her time and her body. It made her feel good, to have a goal. The competitions were in the distant future, but still close enough to daunt. She looked forward to running agian. The last month had seemed empty without her daily routine of going to the track after school. But then, she'd had more reason to quit, than to stay, then. Then. But it was now, and now, she would run.

Packing her things together, Hitomi waved goodbye to her fellow track members and shouldered her duffel bag about to leave.

It was dark, and the crickets were out this night. Walking slowly, her gaze traveled involuntarily up to the night sky. How many nights had been spent staring up there, wondering if he too, looked up at his sky. Too many. Shaking her head, Hitomi promised herself not to think of him. She had to move on.

"Hitomi!" Someone called. Hitomi sighed, looking down at herself to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Duffel bag, shoes, school bag...nope. 

"Hitomi!" Someone was calling. Hitomi sighed again. She was tired, and was really in no mood to help one of the others carry books to their car or whatever. Pretending to ignore it, she started to jog slowly. 

"Hitomi..." This time, inside of yelling the voice had softened. 

Hitomi froze. Her blood froze. Her heart stopped.

I'm hearing him again, she thought. After all this time, I'd thought myself okay. Perhaps....

"Hitomi!" That voice again. 

Hitomi cringed, wanting to scream. She wanted to cover her ears and run. Run so that the forbidden memories wouldn't rush over her. She'd learned, during the last month, to control her feelings. To shove Him out of her mind so that she could continue living. 

A hand was placed on her shoulder. 

Hitomi breathed hard. Its probably just Yukari, she rationalized. But that voice...

"Hitomi."

She turned.

She couldn't breathe. Her duffel bag dropped from her suddenly limp arms. Time froze, and her heart stopped.

He stood there. Right out of her dreams. Right out of her wishes. He was there. She blinked, half-afraid she was losing it, and he'd waver and disappear; a figment of her imagination. But he looked, he seemed, so real. His eyes so dark, his chin ever so stubborn. 

"Van." She whispered. He gazed at her, she looked back at him. 

Both wanted to fall into each other's arms, to just hold each other tight, to pour out the feelings that had never been spoken. 

But both held back. 

Sometimes, love is like that. It fills you to the brim, so that you have no more room for anything else, including rational thought. Sometimes, the feelings you feel for someone overflows, and you don't know what to do for the emotions piling up through you. This was one of those times.

Ever fiber in his being told him to tell her, to hold her. Told him to take his chance right then and there. If this was the last time he'd ever see her, he at least, had to do what he had come to do; to get it right. But the sight of her, even in her sweaty, disheveled condition, took his breath away. It erased every rational thought from his mind. How, he wondered, his mind doing circles, how do I tell her? How do I describe what I feel for her? He wasn't good with words, even worse with emotions. 

Hitomi swallowed the lump in her throat. Slowly, with trembling fingers, she reached up and touched, ever so gently, the soft cleft of his chin. Her fingers barely brushed the surface of his skin, but he trembled none the less.

"Are you for real?" She whispered. 

Van didn't respond, only drinking up her aura. That light that always just seemed to shine from within her. A hand went up, to hold her hand next to his cheek. He too, had to make sure that she was real, not some cruel dream.

Hitomi stared at him. He's grown, she realized just as Millerna had. How many years have gone by in Gaea? He's a man now, no longer a fiery boy, but a calm king. And this observation only made her fall even deeper in love with him. But something inside of her told her to go, to leave then and there. Or else, when he left again, she would die this time. She'd been dangerously close to it last time.

A sudden crack of thunder broke their reverie. Van looked up, his eyes almost glaring at the dark, stormy sky overhead. Hitomi broke away reluctantly, picking up her duffel bag.

"Hitomi.." Van started, about to launch into his speech. He'd pumped himself up to it, but he felt sick anyways. Hitomi beat him to it.

"Van, come on. Its going to rain. Let's beat the rain home, you can stay at my house. My parents are away." Hitomi flushed, then headed off. She didn't really know what else to do. At that moment, it was enough just to believe that he was real, and that he was there.

  
  


The house was dark, as Hitomi and Van headed in.

"Umm..this is it." She gestured to the living room, then proceeded to take Van on a tour of the house. She flushed, "I know its not much, I mean, compared to your castle in Fanelia or anything."

Van didn't say anything. But then, he often didn't, but his point came across to Hitomi anyways. It was fine. 

Hitomi gestured to the spare bedroom.

"You can sleep here."

Van nodded, then turned.

"Hitomi-" He started. Hitomi, as if sensing mounting danger looked away quickly. 

"Van-um..where's Allen?" She quickly interuppted. Van's expression changed quickly.

"I don't know. He....he rushed off."

Hitomi's eyes filled with concern. "Alone?" A wave of fear rushed through her. She didn't doubt that Allen could take care of himself, but here on Earth, things were different. Allen didn't know the rules of this place, of the roads, of the cars. Hitomi turned to Van, "Van, we have to find him. He..he's not safe here."

Van wanted to laugh, but at the expression on Hitomi's face, didn't. He never thought he'd hear the day when Hitomi Kanzaki would be afraid for Allen Schezar, the Heavenly Knight. Surely, this world could not be more dangerous than Gaea. Hitomi read his expression and sighed, sinking down onto one of the couches,

"Its different here, Van. Allen, and you, you don't know the rules. You don't know how things work, just as I didn't' when I went to Gaea. In a way, Allen's like a baby here, he doesn't know what's dangerous and what's not." She implored him with her eyes. Van looked at her, not really believing, but a small trickle for worry for his friend also wormed itself into his heart.

"Dragons?" He asked in a hushed voice. Hitomi smiled wryly and shook her head,

"No, no dragons. Worse." She admitted. Van's eyes narrowed,

"What?" What could be worse than dragons, he wondered. Hitomi sighed, her eyes sober.

"Crazy drivers." She concluded, her face grim.

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Allen huddled in his cloak and walked along swiftly. He didn't know where he was going, nor what he was doing. All he knew was that there was a terrible pain around his heart, a pain that bit at him and slowly sucked all the joy out of his life. 

As he stumbled along, he shook. It wasn't cold, no, it was something from the inside. He'd loved her, he didn't feel that he could've loved her any more. And yet, somewhere along the way, something had gone wrong. Had he not loved her enough?

"I loved you. I loved you. I loved you." He whispered softly, over and over, trying to banish the image of her from his mind. Even now, she seemed to haunt him, even though all he suddenly wanted was to be rid of her, her and her pain, and go back to Asturia where everything was clear and understandable. 

He stumbled over a curb, and froze to a dead halt as tires screeched and cars honked. He looked up and found a jam of machines that resembled something like horseless carriages stopping to a halt around him. 

"Get outta the way, freak!" Someone yelled. Allen looked up in consternation. 

"Get off the road!" Another voice shouted.

Horns blared, and Allen quickly found his way back onto the island on the side where at least he was saved from the shouts and the honks. But never saved from the pain. No, never.

This world was strange, it was different. Here, he was helpless. Helpless and defenseless. He had the nagging feeling that his sword would be of little use here. Walking along, ignoring the curious and rude glances he got from passer-bys, Allen mused. His life had always been with a purpose, he'd always had a plan. First it was to take care of Celena when his mother had died. Then it had been to become a great knight when Celena had disappeared. And then it had been to fight and win the great war against Zaibach. Then what? That had been the question nagging on his mind over the last year. What was his purpose? Yukari had once asked him, on a moonlight garden walk one night when things had still been easy, why was he so sad? Was it because he had no purpose left in this life? Allen sighed and shook his head. He hated the way she seemed to provide answers for everything in life. Hated the way everything seemed clearer when she was around.

"What is my purpose?" He wondered aloud. Do I even have one? He thought wryly, perhaps Gaea has enough heroes. 

When had I lost my plan? He thought. It used to be so clear to him, everything lain out for him, all he ever had to do was walk the path. Now, there seemed to be a million paths, and yet none at all at the same time. How was he ever to decide? What was he to do?

Stopping next to a building, he stopped. It was dark, and getting cold. He huddled into his cloak, and suddenly realized how very tired he was. Dropping down, he cared little what the people of this world would think. At that moment, he had little respect for the people of the planet called Earth. Nodding his head onto his arms, he was soon asleep. His sleep filled with dreams of her.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

**_~***~_**

_What am I to do? Do I go to him, find him and beg forgiveness? But...what do am I be forgiven for? I did not mean to kiss Amano, he kissed me. And I stopped him..._

_Sure, I didn't discourage him, but I certainly didn't encourage him either! Its Allen that should've listened to me, rather than mope off in a huff! God!_

_sigh_

_You know, Yukari that its your fault._

_NO!_

_Yes, it is._

_Hmm._

**_~***~_**

Yukari tossed and turned for most of that night. There was little noise from her mom's room and Yukari guessed her to be asleep. I guess most are at this hour, she thought dourly. It was near 1:00am, and on a school night. She'd have another crappy day tomorrow, tired and in bad spirits. 

Her heart raced though, that was what was keeping her up.

Allen had come, the realization still had not sunk in. Allen had loved her enough to come to Earth to find her. To do what, she'd not yet found out, perhaps she never would at the rate things were going. Don't think like that, she reprimanded herself sharply. It was easy these days, to be bitter. Too easy. 

Sitting up, she gave up on the notion of sleep. The moon was just too bright outside, and the sight of it so clear in the sky brought back memories of her time in Asturia. It was funny, in how you never cherish the time you have, until its gone. And then you can't cherish it anymore, because its over.

"Freakin' thing." She muttered, kicking the suddenly-uncomfortable blankets aside. Getting up, she threw on a robe and headed out towards the kitchen. She felt restless. She had some sort of half-formed plan in her mind, a plan on what to do with her life that had just seemed to have crumbled at her feet. But it wasn't complete, and she felt faint just thinking of putting it into action.

The traffic outside was quiet, it usually was save for the odd teen racing home after a party. But then, it was a weekday, so even those were rare. So the sound of sudden honks and shouts caught her attention. 

"..get out of the way!"

Shouts and honks right outside her door. Yukari turned slightly, wondering what was going on with the traffic. 

Her feet padded softly across the linoleum hallway floor. It was shiny in the moonlight, glistening. She shivered, as the darkness seemed cold. She peeked out the door. Cars rushed by the main road. Her house was situated near the main highway, and so was often visited by rush hour traffic. It didn't seem to busy, as was expected. But the few cars that were out there, seemed to be honking like mad. Yukari rolled her eyes, probably some whole groupie coming home from a weekday party. She knew enough of those to know that they probably didn't give a damn of what the residents of the neighborhood thought of their actions at that particular moment.

"Damn kids." She hated how old she sounded. She blamed them for the reason she was so restless. It wasn't the reason, and she knew it. But sometimes it's nice to have something or someone to blame. Sighing, she leaned against the door. Falling down limply, she sat, her back resting against the front door. The hallway seemed odd from this angle. She'd never seen it like this before. But she was suddenly tired. She missed him, she loved him, she hurt because of him. And she couldn't stop thinking of him.

Sighing again, she rested her head against the cool, comforting wood of the door. 

"Where are you Allen?" She spoke aloud. "Come to me, because..." She paused, and closed her eyes to the darkness of her own mind. "...I love you."

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Allen wandered towards a tall house. It seemed quiet, and away from the traffic. At least, partly secluded from the godawful honks and shouts. The words cut, and the noise rang in his ears. He insisted that it didn't affect him, that he was a Knight of Asturia and that he was strong. But in truth, he felt lost. Lost and alone, and worst of all, defenseless. He hated feeling defenseless. Defenseless from the scathing, odd looks from passer-bys, defenseless from the honks and shouts from the machines that passed, and worst of all, defenseless from thinking of her. She just kept popping up in his mind, and he couldn't stand it. Not anymore.

Crossing the short grass, he stepped up onto the front, gravel porch. It was clean, and sheltered, if only somewhat. It wasn't a cold night, at least not overly so. Anyways, he felt numb. 

Sighing, he didn't know what came over him, but he suddenly collapsed. It wasn't sudden, but more like floating down gently and ending up on the floor. No drama involved. She flashed through his mind, her dark hair waving in the wind. Her smiles, her laughs, her soft lips. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, and sat up against the front door. He promised himself he'd only rest for a few seconds, but the seconds turned into minutes. Get up Allen, he demanded himself. He wouldn't want to wake up on someone's doorstep like some beggar. He wouldn't sink that low, no, never. But he just couldn't bring himself to move. He felt glued to the spot, and not just physically. 

The wooden door felt cool, and comforting on his aching back and body. He drew the cloak around him, and leaned his head back against the door. He wondered who slumbered on the other side. 

"Yukari.." He whispered softly. What would he give, to see her. Oh, but he'd run out on her, remember. The sharp pain of her betrayal still stung, but even as he thought that, he knew that he was wrong. 

It had been a long day, and the heartache from before had masked the fatigue. But now it all came rushing back. 

"I love you." He whispered softly. "Wherever you are."

  
  


*Author's Note* I don't usually write these, but I decided maybe I'd reach out a bit to whoever's reading this! Well, how did u like Chapter 13? Only 2 more chapters left, and its gonna be...well, I'm not gonna promise anything yet. Happy or sad, I dunno. What do you guys want? I know happy is well..happy, but sometimes a sad ending can be more meaningful. Anyways, tell me what you prefer so I can perhaps make an ending that you'd enjoy! Well, I'm having a BLAST writing this, and its amazing that people like it too, so Thanx! And Happy Valentines Day!!


	14. In Dreams : Chap.14 - Who Halves of a Wh...

Chapter 14 : Two Halves of a Whole 

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Author's Note : After MUCH time spent away from the computer, I've finally finished this second last chapter to my fic, In Dreams. I hope you guys enjoy it, and come to my page because I'm going to be updating it soon! Enjoy! 

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Van watched her from the corner of his eye, trying not to make it too obvious that he was looking. In all actuality, he wanted to stare. She was more beautiful than he'd remembered. Or maybe, his memories of her had faded. 

Hitomi turned, catching his eye. He flushed instantly, and turned away. They sat nervously, bot having volumes to speak, but each not daring to say it. Hitomi finally cleared her throat, it was early morning, and she'd have to head off for school soon.

"Van- I have to go to school soon."

Van nodded in understanding. Sighing, Hitomi stared at the phone. She didn't know what to do. Here he was, what she'd been dreaming about for months, and she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to admit it, but he didn't belong here. He didn't....well, fit in here. And worse, she hated the feeling of seeing him for the first time so completely, helpless. 

He's helpless for my sake, she thought, he came here for me. 

But still watching him sit there, unsure of what to do or how to act, the image of the proud Fanelian king gone made her heart ache painfully. 

Van shifted his weight, and stared out the window. An awkward silence filled the room Hitomi seethed in frustration. It'd never been awkward before around him. Ever. Van pretended to be absorbed in counting the cars outside, and Hitomi's annoyance only grew. Why won't he say something! She thought angrily, he must've come to do something! Two days, two days it had been like this. Him, all silent and distant. Almost cold. Her, frustrated and annoyed to the point of tears, trying to figure out what he wanted, while all the while trying to deal with the feelings churning inside of her.

Throwing her arms up in hopelessness, Hitomi stood and pounded to the closet, took out her jacket and made sure to slam the closet door extra hard. 

Van closed his eyes. Did she think that he was deaf or something? 

There was silence in the hallway, and although he couldn't see her, he could just imagine her expression. Part pain, part anguish, part annoyance. Where was the love?

Hitomi paused in the hallway. She couldn't see him, he was blocked by a section of wall. She bit her lip, annoyance, pain and anguish flashing through her. How much she had always thought to say to him, and now that she had the opportunity, she couldn't think of a single thing to say. You'd think I'd learned this lesson already, she thought bitterly. Sighing inwardly, she turned towards the door. Well, there was school......

"Hitomi!" Van called. Hitomi froze, turning quickly. Flushing, she realized that she'd never even been meaning to actually open the door. Just waiting for him to call her back. Van appeared in the hallway. His eyes were hooded by his shock of dark hair.

"Van?" She replied, looking up at him. She pleaded him with her eyes; with her soul. 

He shuddered inwardly. He'd rather face all of Zaibach, than this moment. He coward at this moment, at it made him hate himself all over again, because he so longed to be brave.

"I-" He broke off. He sighed, his fists clenching. He'd come all the way here to say just one thing, and now that he was here; well, he just couldn't say it. 

"What Van?" Hitomi asked, her green eyes shimmering, looking into his eyes.

"I-"

"What?!" She demanded. Suddenly, uncharacteristically, Hitomi lost her temper. 

Hitomi wasn't fiery, nor was she hot-headed. No, she was usually the opposite; even-headed and cool in all manners of situations. She'd faced dragons with hardly more than a look. She' stood in front of death, and barely flinched. But now, love was what made Hitomi Kanzaki throw down her jacket, and burst into tears.

Van stared at her, while Hitomi sank to the floor, tears coursing down her cheeks. Her face was flushed a dark red, and she sat on the floor, her knees drawn up with her arms around them. Curled into a tight ball, she rocked back and forth; and all he could do was stare.

Hitomi cried, and she cried and cried and cried. And all the while, she questioned herself-Why? Why was she crying at a time like this, when she should be happy and she should be joyous? But disregarding the rationale, she cried nonetheless. 

Hitomi cried until there was nothing left to cry, and all she could do was shudder from the silent sobs. It hurt. It hurt worse than anything else ever had. This pain, this love just waiting to burst from within her. And it hurt, it hurt because she was so afraid. So afraid to love again. And so afraid that he would leave again, and tear her heart out....again. She felt like a broken record, going around and around the same track.

Van watched her, like a silent movie, he didn't know what to do. Yet he did, and saw himself doing all the things that Allen would do, and yet he didn't do any of it. He watched her, all the while knowing his face was a complete mask of emotions. Inside, he coiled from how much he hurt her. 

Slowly, Hitomi calmed. Looking up, Van remembered the brave, intelligent girl who had won a war. Hitomi wiped her face, and stood up shakily. She was so thin, how had Van never even registered that? 

"Hitomi-" Emotions started to flood him, making him realize with a shock, that he'd done nothing. 

Hitomi flinched at his touch.

Van sighed. This was why he wasn't able to say anything, why everything felt so awkward. She seemed so....scared. Too scared.

"Hitomi-" He placed a hand firmly on her shoulder, and thought she flinched-visibly-he kept it there. "Hitomi."

She hid her head in her knees that were drawn up close to her.

"Hitomi." Van said again, and she looked up into his eyes. "Why are you so scared?" He asked softly. Hitomi tried to break his gaze, but his hand gently went up to catch her chin. The touch of his soft hand to her face sent electric tingles through her. "Why?" He asked her again, and this time, it was him that did the pleading.

Hitomi's eyes shut, and tears leaked out. When she opened them again, they were filled with anguish.

"Because.." She whispered. "Because I love you too much." 

Van's hand dropped. 

The tears coursed down her face, and her breathing was the only sound in the silent hallway. 

"I love you, Van." She said. "And, I'm afraid because, if I lose you again," Her voice cracked, "If I lose you again, I will die." She looked up into his eyes, and he knew that it was only truth.

Van swallowed the lump in his throat that was getting dangerously close to a tear. Van Fanel, crying? Never-of course not. But Van was blinking rather rapidly nonetheless.

Slowly, her wrapped his arms around her. She was so warm, so soft. His chin rested on her head. Her hair had grown out, and it smelled of roses; roses and something else.

"You won't lose me, Hitomi." He said softly.

Hitomi was silent for a long while, then she backed out of his hold and looked at him. Her expression was tight, her eyes so filled with pain, it hurt him to see her.

"How do you know that?" She demanded.

Van was taken back. He backed away, his eyes huge. His arms dropped limply to his side.

"What?" He whispered hoarsely.

"How do you know that you won't leave again?" Hitomi said, almost sharply. "I lost you once, Van. And I almost died. If I were to lose you again..." She trailed off, the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Hitomi-"

"No." She pushed away from him. "No! I can't...I can't-" She muttered, something incoherent running through her mind. "I can't die again, Van!" 

Van shook to the core from her words. They cut through him like the sharpest sword. 

"I wouldn't hurt you." He whispered.

Hitomi didn't have to reply, because the words were already in the air. Put there from his own thoughts. 'You already have' Van closed his eyes. Hitomi looked at him for a moment longer, and the air in the hallway almsot crackled from the tension of it. With a slam of the door, she was gone. 

Van stood alone, always alone. Licking his parched lips, he sunk down against the wall. When had things gone wrong? The beginning of all this wrongness? He remembered being in that forest with Allen; everything had been so clear then. Then, all he'd wanted was a second chance to tell her that he loved her. But now, now that just wasn't enough anymore. Not when she stood there before him, in his arms. How could he leave again? 

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Allen opened his eyes slowly. Shock and humiliation flooded through him immediately. Damn, he thought, scrambling up to his feet, I fell asleep. It was day, and the traffic on the road was noisy and loud. Allen narrowed his eyes, he really hated those cars. All they ever seemed to do was make noise. He rubbed his eyes slowly, and looked around. There didn't seem to be anyone around, and for this, Allen was thankful. He paused, looking up at the grey sky. It was a warm day, warm and sticky. It felt that under his thick cloak, he was suffocating. Allen squirmed, but kept the cloak around himself. He thought for a moment, of home. Almost two days, since he'd left Gaea and Asturia behind. He wondered if he was homesick yet, as Yukari had been, as Hitomi had been. He couldn't seem to think of an answer, and he decided that no, he wasn't homesick if he had to think about it this long. 

But the seed of thought had been planted there, and he couldn't seem to shake it. Home. Where was home? Asturia? Perhaps, yet he'd had no qualms about leaving it, perhaps forever, when he'd come for Yukari. Perhaps 'home' had another definition, something more...real. Perhaps home was where the heart was.

"Allen?" 

The voice shocked him out of his thoughts. Her voice. 

"Yu-Yukari!" He turned slowly, and hated that he suddenly forgot everything that he'd been building up to say to her for the few months. She stood there, staring wide-eyed up at him, her hand holding the front door open. Soundlessly, she stepped out and let it close behind her. 

She looked up at him, her dark eyes never leaving his face. Almost like she was memorizing him, feature by feature.

"Yukari, I-" He looked around, and a hand unconsciously went up to brush a strand of golden hair behind his ear. Yukari's eyes were wide, as she stared up at him. Her hand reached out, and beat him to it; brushing it the short strand out of his eyes. Her fingers brushed his face lightly; it was like a wisp of wind. 

"Its so short." She murmured.

His hand went up, and held her hand against his cheek.

"You don't like it?"

"I love it." She whispered. 

What she meant was, I love you.

**_~***~_**

_He's here._

_He's standing right in front of me. _

_And all I can seem to do, is to keep breathing. For if I don't think to breath, in out in out, I will surely faint. _

_..He's here._

_He's here for me._

_He's so beautiful, the short hair makes his face come out. His eyes, they've changed even in the few weeks since I left. They're...different. He's different. And yet, he's the same knight I fell in love with. My knight. My knight in shining armor. _

_How long has he stood here, waiting? I should never have let Amano kiss me, because...Allen's the one for me. _

_And I love him. Forever._

**_~***~_**

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"We talked for a while. It was nice, we went to the park, you know, the one by the track. The really nice one, that's really far from the traffic and all. It reminded me of Gaea. He didn't say much, but I felt it Hitomi, I knew what he meant to say."

Hitomi's eyes shot up.

"You told him you love him?"

Yukari flushed, and sank onto the bed. Allen and Van were in the living room, seemingly wondrous over the TV set. They couldn't seem to understand how people could live inside of a box. Hitomi had long ago given up on explaining it to them. 

"I said...something like that." She mumbled.

Hitomi laughed shortly. It was night, and all the lamps were turned on in her room. Yukari sighed and lay on the bed in her mod-robes and tank-top. She was spending the night at Hitomi's, and the door to the room was closed muffling out the voices of Van and Allen as they chattered in the living room. It was almost easy to forget that they were from another world, another planet. It almost felt like a slumber party. It almost felt normal. Almost. 

But then, Hitomi thought, would this mean so much, if it were normal? She shook her head and sighed inwardly. She didn't know what she was doing. And she had the distint impression that Yukari didn't either. But the difference was that Yukari was floating on cloud nine, while Hitomi was stuck with the rational mind. 

She still hadn't spoken to Van since that morning, when she'd rushed out on him. When she had returned from school that afternoon, he'd been cordial, almost friendly but not quite. There was a tenseness between them, something Hitomi couldn't quite figure out. In fact, Hitomi had returned in high spirits to mend things with Van. It seemed that Van had been the one to have a change of heart over her absence. Now, they had hardly talked since dinner, which had been run mainly by Yukari and Allen's loving gazes and spirited words, and Van seemed to be determined to avoid her as much as possible.. 

"Amano's moving, eh Hitomi?" Yukari said suddenly, out of the blue.

"Wha-?" Hitomi gazed up out of her reverie.

"He's moving to England."

Hitomi looked at Yukari in surprise, then nodded.

"Yeah, I know."

"You do?" This time, it was Yukari's turn to look surprised.

Hitomi nodded. "Yeah, umm, he told me."

"Oh." Yukari looked away. She swallowed, then, as if debating the issue, started up again, this time her voice softer more hooded. "He umm...he told me stuff."

"Oh?" Hitomi's eyes flared in curiousity. She put down the textbook she'd been working out of and rested her chin on the edge of the bed, gazing at Yukari expectantly.

Yukari blushed, "He was the reason why Allen was so angry with me."

Hitomi brushed a strand of auburn hair out of her eyes, and picked at the comforter. She'd known that Allen and Yukari had some sort of fight or falling out when he'd arrived, for that was why he'd rushed off. But Van had been vague about his descriptions, and anyways, they'd had their own problems since then. Through the whole thing, no one had told her Amano had anything to do with it.

"Amano?" 

"Yea," Yukari nodded. "He....." She blushed again, and looked away, "He kissed me."

Hitomi stared. It took several seconds for it to sink then, and then her eyes widened even more.

"Oh my god. And-and Allen..?"

Yukari nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh my god..." Hitomi trailed off. She wondered how Van could leave out such an important part of the story. 'They had a fight' didn't really describe what had happened! "Yukari-"

"I know, I know." Yukari sighed, and closed her eyes, "Trust me, I've had more than a guilt trip."

Hitomi was silent for a while, mulling over what to say to her best friend but could think of nothing good. Finally, she spoke,

"Was it.....good?"

"What?!"

"Was it good?"

"Good?" Yukari stared. Hitomi squirmed, and realization dawned on Yukari's face. Suddenly, she grabbed a pillow and pushed it over Hitomi's head. Hitomi giggled and pushed off, throwing back at Yukari.

"Well?"

"Well what?" 

"Was it good?!"

"Well-" Yukari seemed at a loss for words. She let out an exasperated sigh and seemed very put-off. "Well-I..." Her mouth moved but no words came out. "I-"

"Yukari, just say yes or no." Hitomi said gently, trying to cover her smile.

Yukari laughed, her mouth hanging open. She laughed again, but no sound came out. Finally, she closed her mouth and grinned wryly.

"Don't get me wrong Hitomi, I'm so in love with Allen Schezar. He's-he's my knight in shining armor."

Hitomi smiled warmly at her friend. She knew the feeling only too well. Yukari continued,

"But- since you asked so nicely," Yukari looked pointedly at Hitomi, "It was.......okay."

Hitomi raised an eyebrow. "Only okay?"

Yukari rolled her eyes,

"What did you expect?! Fireworks?"

Hitomi laughed. She laughed for a long time. It had been a long time, since she'd laughed so long and so hard. Laughter was good, she decided in her mind. It was healing. Finally, she calmed and looked levelly at Yukari. Getting up, she sat down next to Yukari, pushing her over on the bed. They lay side by side, staring up at the cieling. It was dark out, but the light in the room made it warm and cosy. They could almost forget about the world, just laying there.

"You know Yukari, I think he always has." Hitomi said.

"Has what?"

"Liked you."

"He liked you before me." She protested, but Hitomi just shook her head. She knew the truth, and thought back then, she'd refused to admit it, she could see it now. "He always has loved you."

"Don't say that." Yukari said softly, the amusement out of her voice.

"Its only truth."

"I dont' wanna hear it." 

Hitomi turned her head slightly to look at Yukari. Her friend's eyes were squeezed shut, and her face was creased with tension. Hitomi sighed, hating to say it, but having to say it anyway.

"Maybe you shouldn't ignore it."

Yukari had evidently been expecting something else, for she instantly relaxed, opening her eyes to look at Hitomi.

"What?"

"Maybe you shouldn't brush him off."

"What do you mean?" 

Hitomi rolled her eyes. "Yukari, maybe.." She hesitated, but knew it was the right thing to do. "Maybe you shouldn't close yourself off to Amano. He's very good-looking, and he's nice Yukari. He's nice and he's funny. And...he loves you. He loves you so much, maybe...maybe you shouldn't ignore that."

Yukari pulled herself up to a sitting position. Her eyes were dark, as they gazed at Hitomi.

"I don't understand."

Hitomi also sat up, looking into Yukari's eyes. She fumbled for the right words.

"Have you ever thought, Yukari, that Allen might leave? He doesn't belong here, Yukari, he lives in another world. He's from another world. Perhaps..." She trailed off. Yukari's eyes were huge. Huge and dark. Her expression was stormy. Hitomi sighed inwardly, wishing she hadn't said anything. But then, would she just stand by as she watched her best friend's heart break if not tomorrow, then the next day? And if the next day, the day after that? No, Hitomi couldn't just sit by and not do anythign. Yukari was so vulnerable. She'd be lost when Allen left, especially since he'd come back for her. 

"You think I don't know that?" Yukari's voice was flat. Flat and bitter, yet her expression was sad. 

"I know you know, but I don't think you understand how soon. How much it will hurt." 

"Understand how much it will hurt?" Yukari's voice rose dangerously, her eyes sparking. "Hitomi, I hurt already just at the thought that he will go."

"And so I'm telling you, perhaps you shouldn't ignore Amano."

Yukari's eyes narrowed even more. "How can you say that? How can you think Amano would ever be a replacement for Allen?" Yukari stood up, and glared angrily down at HItomi. Hitomi held her glare, and returned one fo her own.

"I'm just saying it, because your my best friend Yukari. I don't want to see what happened to me, happen to you!"

"Yeah, it won't. Because I told my best friend." Yukari said scathingly. Hitomi recoiled, almost physically and the words had hit the target.

"Yukari.." Hitomi's eyes filled with tears. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"And by pushing me towards Amano, you think Allen's leaving will hurt me less? How can I even think of being with Amano?!" Yukari demanded.

"He loves you, he's good to you and he's not hard to love Yukari. Its not hard at all."

"He's leaving to England." Yukari returned flatly, then added, "Even if I were to even consider it." 

"At least he's still a part of this world." Hitomi replied gently. "Which is more than Allen will ever be."

Yukari froze. She turned slowly, looking Hitomi fully in the eye. The anger had disappeared, and all that seemed to be left was void. A deep, dark void.

"More than Allen will ever be?" Yukari's eyes narrowed, her dark eyes shone and her voice became choked with tears. Her eyes flickered over the open window, looking out into the sky. "I know, Hitomi, I know he's gonna leave me." She drew a long anguished breath. "I know." She whispered. 

Two tears rolled down her pale cheeks. Hitomi watched her best friend cry over a love that would be torn from her. But she was unable to do anything. Yukari backed up slowly, her eyes switching back and forth between Hitomi and the open window, as if afraid that something would burst in that moment and tear Allen away from her.

"How can Amano ever be more than Allen is, when...when Allen is my other half?" She asked in a choked voice. Turning, she ran out, slamming the door behind her.

"My poor Yukari," Hitomi whispered softly, staring after her. And yet, she could feel no more sorrow in her heart for her friend, for..her own heart was already filled with grief for Van.

Van was her other half, and no matter how long she tried to block it out, the pain would always come back. It always could come back. And that was the part that scared her the most.

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**_~***~_**

_Allen Schezar...._

_laughs softly he's not of this world, that's for sure.laughs again/more bitterly He's not of my world, and I'm not of his....but should that matter?_

_In a perfect world....no._

_In this world...yes._

_sigh the question is....how am I going to live without him? Without his smiles, the way his eyes shine he laughs, the way he shows off when he thinks I'm watching. My knight..my beautiful, perfect stranger in dreams. He came from dreams...and that's where he'll return. From dreams. sobs _

_I understand._

_I understand._

_I do, I really do.sobs hysterically/calms down I'm not stupid, and I understand that he's not of this world. Does Hitomi take me for an idiot? Of course not...she's just my best friend. _

_The problem is......_

_how will I be able to leave him again?_

_Or even if I can?_

**_~***~_**

Yukari ran along the dark road, and finally collapsed near the school track. How odd, she thought under the tears, this seems to be the midst of everything. This place. But it couldn't stay in her mind long, for the tears stung her and her chest hurt from the running. 

She'd run from Hitomi's apartment, bursting out of the room through the hallway and then out the door. She'd hardly had a glimpse at Allen. But out of the corner of her eye, she'd seen him, and it hurt to see him there. So real in this world, yet for how long? Not long enough, no matter how long he stayed, it would never be long enough. Because he would always have to leave...someday, and that someday was the day that she feared so much.

"Allen..." She muttered his name, over and over. 

She finally reached a little park near Hitomi's house. It was empty, being it so late at night. 

She sat on one of the swings, it squeaked slightly from the rusty hinges. It made her shudder, but at least took her mind off other things.

A deep dread filled her, at what the next day would bring. And even if he didn't leave her tomorrow, who could guarantee what the next day would bring? And the day after that. Just a constant cycle of dread, and pain. Was that any way to live?

"No." Someone answered her question. 

Yukari was so surprised, she fell out of the swing. She hit the sandy ground on her back, then scrambled to her feet, flushing profusely. 

"Ummhh..uhh.." She scrambled for something to say, but finally settled on getting herself uprighted. She blinked at the girl standing in front of her. 

Perhaps 'girl' was the wrong word. She gave off the presence of that of a woman, and yet her small frame and large, luminous eyes suggested the innocence of a girl. Yukari stared, she was the oddest girl-woman she had ever seen.

She was beautiful, but in a different way. Hers was a beauty that was seldom seen. It was like some lost treasure which had been taken from the world and hidden away. Her dark hair was long, and spread around her like a cloak. It somehow reminded her of Van's dark hair, it shone the same. And yet, Yukari shook her head. That was impossible. 

Her eyes too, looked like Van's. They were a deep amber, and the regarded Yukari with the same cool expression. 

"What?" Yukari straightened, trying not to stare. 

The woman smiled slightly. She seemed ethereal, some kind of higher being. Yukari knew that beneath the small exterior, lay some enormous power. Something truly legendary to behold. 

"I said no. That is no way to live, the constant apprehension of pain."

Yukari stared. Did this woman read her mind? Yukari's eyes narrowed, was she some kind of wacko? 

"Who are you?" She demanded.

The woman smiled slightly again. Her features were like ice, frozen in time and space. Her beauty like crystal, not real, yet beautiful none the less. 

"I am Varie, of the Draconian people." She smiled again. Her eyes closed a moment, and suddenly huge, shimmering white wings burst from her back. Snow-white feathers showered down around Yukari. Yukari stared. Was this some sort of a dream?

"What-"

But Varie beat her to it. Her huge white wings beat the air rapidly, and her expression was bemused as she regarded Yukari. She walked slowly around, circling around Yukari. 

"Hmmm.." She seemed to be thinking of something. Yukari got the distinct impression that she was being judged. "Hmm, I see." Varie stopped, her wings still beating the air gently. She smiled. "Your friend, she has great power."

Yukari stared. "What are you?" It sounded incredibly rude, and yet, she didn't know how else to say it. What else to do you say to a woman, that seems to read your thoughts and possesses huge angelic wings! It was almost like some Halloween trick, althought it was far from October. 

Varie smile again, something about her radiated so that Yukari knew not to fear her. 

"So innocent." She sighed wistfully, "I remember a love so deep once."

Varie sighed again, her wings furling back in, disappearing under her cascade of dark hair. She was so small, barely taller than Yukari herself. 

She sat in the swing beside Yukari, and Yukari thought it an odd sight. The woman had given off the regal bearing of a queen, and yet here she was, swinging right alongside her! Varie's eyes met Yukari's inquisitive ones.

"I bet you want to know who I am."

Yukari only nodded mutely. Varie pursed her lips,

"I really should've instilled some manners in my son." Her head tilted thoughtfully, "He's got a bad habit of leaving out certain important details of events." She laughed, and it was like little bells. "Not much different from his father." She smiled fondly at some long-ago memory.

Everything about this lady seemed to get more and more odd. First her appearance, and then the wings, and now this. The idea that the tiny woman in front of her could've had children appalled Yukari. She gawked.

"You have children?"

Varie laughed again. 

"Two."

Yukari tried to hide her look of amazement. She peered into the darkness, remembering the way the Varie's eyes had shone amber like Van's. Some distant piece of the puzzle seemed to be escaping her, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't seem to piece it together.

"Oh." 

Yukari sighed. She still had no clue why this odd, yet radiant lady was sitting next to her, swinging non-chalantly, talking to her out of the blue. 

"I'd want children someday." She thought out loud. She glanced sideways at Varie, who was also staring into the darkness, her eyes thoughtful. Yukari smiled half-heartedly, "I'd name a girl Serin. I'd name the boy, well, I think I'd name him Kioto." 

Varie smiled. "You would make a beautiful mother, someday."

Yukari flushed. She shook her head, 

"Why are you talking to me?" She asked softly. 

Varie gazed at her for a while. She seemed to take time to think before she responded. 

"There's something about you." She replied finally. "A great sadness, and yet a great happiness as well. It intrigues me. You intrigue me." She smiled thinly. "And yet, your time draws near. A time to choose."

"Choose?" Yukari echoed. Varie nodded,

"Choose between your love and your life." She shook her head, her dark hair rippling like silken strands. "You won't be the first to face this decision, and certainly not the last. Perhaps yours is a bigger choice, that is all. The size of the the decision to be made, not the worth."

Yukari thought for a moment, not fully comprehending. She'd come to the conclusion that this lady must not be of Earth. Almost timidly, she asked,

"Are-are you from..Asturia?"

Varie laughed. It was a pealing laughter.

"Heavens no! Fanelia, my country is Fanelia."

Yukari narrowed her eyes, wondering why that name seemed so familiar. And yet in all the chain of events that had happened to her, it just wouldn't come. Like some distant recollection that stayed at the edges of her consciousness.

"Oh." She replied. Anyways, it didn't really answer any questions. "I don't understand what you mean." She waved her hand, not meaning to sound so flippant. Varie smiled, she seemed suddenly, ageless and wise. Yukari watched her and wondered how she seemed so familiar. 

A slow light dawned on Yukari. To choose between a love and a life. To choose between Allen and her life on Earth. Not the first in this world, to choose between love and life, and just as Varie said, not the last. Finally, Yukari turned back to Varie, the confusion gone from her face.

"Who are you?" 

"I already said, I'm.."

"I know you're Varie, of the Draconian people. But, you. Who are you?" Yukari demanded, not wanting to seem rude, but annoyed that Varie seemed to be hiding something. Something important. Varie just shook her head.

"I'm only Varie. Just like you, you are Yukari. No more and no less than we can make ourselves to be."

Yukari wanted to grind her nails in frustration. Looking up at the dark night sky, she envisions Gaea. Asturia with its beautiful rolling hills. Fanelia, why was that name so familiar. It nagged at the corners of her mind. 

"Why are talking to me?" Yukari pressed. So many questions, and she was getting no answers. None at all. The tears she had cried early had dried on her face, leaving her feeling numb and distant from her physical body. That was what tears did, they numbed. 

Varie just shrugged.

"I chose once too. And.." She paused, almost contemplating the answer. "I am here for you friend as well. Hitomi Kanzaki. Her choice will be important to me."

"Why?" Yukari demanded. 

"Because," Varie's eyes shimmered slightly, and her true beauty shone through. Not the outside beauty, but the inner beauty. The love that seemed to fill every aspect of this woman, this Draconian, this angel. "because, the choice that Hitomi Kanzaki will make will affect someone very dear to me. Very dear." Her voice became softer, and Yukari noticed tears in Varie's eyes.

She hated these cryptic messages. These symbolic words that seemed to mean so much, and she understood so little of them. Varie looked at Yukari, her eyes sudden sharp and dark again.

"My time is nearly up, my power spent. I have not come to dawdle and cry over lost time." She shook her head slightly. "I have come to tell you, you and Hitomi Kanzaki, you have a choice. No matter how impossible the odds."

"Allen, he..we cannot be together." Yukari's voice sounded dull and lifeless. She stared at the ground, willing the tears to go away.

"Do not give up hope. Remember, you saw him in dreams. Perhaps, you can return to those dreams and be together forever." Her voice lilted melodically, and she stood. A soft glow encompassed her, making her dark hair spread around her like a curtain. She was ethereal and beautiful. Yukari almost felt in awe of her presence, her presence like that of a queen. And yet, Varie wore no crown nor adorned no signet ring. 

"My life cannot be worth only dreams!" Yukari cried, reaching out to stop Varie from leaving. 

Varie smiled, and clasped Yukari's hand in her own. 

"Dreams, my child, are often more than you make of them." The glow intensified, and Yukari had to looked away. The light was so bright, and Yukari wondered if that was what heaven would be like. Eternal light. And yet, if Allen was not there, then how could it be heaven. 

And as Varie, of the Draconian People, disappeared through time and space, only one phrase carried through. A soft, almost sad voice that echoed through dimensions and carried all the grief of one mother.

"My son.." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. In Dreams : Chap.15 - A Second Chance (F...

**Chap.15 - A Second Chance(Farewell)**

  
  


**_~***~_**

_Life is weird sometimes. What we don't have, we miss. What we have, we're not grateful for. Once we lose what we had, we complain and wonder why we didn't cherish it more._

_This is how I feel. I wonder why I did not cherish my time in Asturia. The precious few months I spent there, living, laughing and loving. There, I yearned to go home and see Hitomi and Amano again. Here, I yearn to return there, so that Allen and I can be together._

_Perhaps I can never be happy. Maybe its my destiny._

_That strange woman...why is she so familiar?! It bothers me, this constant nagging on my memory. The edges of some faint recollection. Her advice helped little, if you could even call it advice....mutters_

_Geez, she could've come right out and said whatever the hell she needed to say! _

**_~***~_**

"Hey Yukari?" Someone snapped in her face, and she was whisked out of her thoughts. Hitomi's green eyes were on her. It was morning, and Yukari was staring out the window. She'd had a sleepless night. 

"Morning." Yukari said, managing a smile. 

The night before, she'd returned and pretended nothing was wrong. Hitomi had seemed anxious, but did not press her. Yukari didn't tell anyone of her meeting. She was afraid she was going crazy. Maybe she was going crazy. Or maybe, it wasn't her that was crazy, maybe it was just life. Maybe she lived in a world of craziness, and she alone was normal. Frowning, Yukari thought hard for a moment, trying to figure out how that made sense.

"Sleep well?" Hitomi stretched, "I'm glad there's no school today!"

"Yeah.." Yukari scanned the room. "Did..."

Hitomi seemed to have anticipated the question, and nodded. "Yep! They're asleep in the den." She beamed. 

"You're about ready to burst with the suspense of it all." Yukari noted dryly. Hitomi, her face beaming and absolutely filled with pent up excitement, nodded vigorously.

"Oh Yukari, I've figured it all out!"

"Huh?" Yukari sat up, and stared at her best friend. "Figured what out?"

"Us! You know, this whole mess we dug ourselves into." She calmed, and her speech became slower. "I think...I think the problem, is that we've always been selfish. We've always thought only of ourselves. Well, maybe we shouldn't be selfish anymore."

Yukari blinked, not fully comprehending. Hitomi continued,

"Yukari, I couldn't sleep last night. It was dark, and late, and I was tired, but I still couldn't sleep. You know why?" Hitomi looked at Yukari, her green eyes sober. "Because, I just couldn't let whatever had been said between Van and I, fester over a night. Because every moment that went by, those words that we spoke in our anger and pain, festered within me." Hitomi laughed slightly, turning away. "Its sounds dumb, I know, but that's just the truth." She shrugged simply.

Yukari stared down at her hands, her own memories of the night before flooding back. Hitomi spoke again,

"And so I got up and Van-Van knew exactly how I felt, because he felt it too." Her voice grew hoarse. Hitomi smiled tearily. "He waited for me, just sitting there in the darkness. We talked Yukari, do you know how long its been since I've gotten the chance to just talk to him? Like no tears, no dramatics, just us and the words." Hitomi sighed and fell back on her bed. "And I realized, its so simple. Maybe it was the simplicity that eluded us."

Yukari narrowed her eyes, she had absolutely no clue what Hitomi was raving about. No friggin clue.

"Hitomi, just tell me what the hell you've figured out."

Hitomi rolled her eyes, "Touchy this morning?"

Yukari looked away. Hitomi sighed,

"Yukari, why don't we just go with them. Back to Gaea, back to a life there. Its beautiful in Gaea, in Fanelia. Have you ever been to Fanelia, Yukari?"

Yukari froze. Fanelia..that name wrung a bell. Her eyes widened slowly. Fanelia. Had Hitomi been to Fanelia? Her gaze flickered to her best friend.

"F-Fanelia?" She said it slowly, tasting the word as if for the first time. "You've been to Fanelia?"

Hitomi nodded, then smiled. "It's really beautiful, you know, I told you all about it. The war, Escaflowne, Merle, everyone."

"Escaflowne..Fanelia." Yukari blinked slowly. "Is there-is there a queen in Fanelia?"

"Uhmm, no. Van's mother died way back," Hitomi shrugged, "At least, I think so. He never talks about it much."

"Died?" 

Hitomi nodded, then laughed. "Boy do you sound like a broken record this morning. Geez, anyway," She shrugged. "That's my plan."

"Your plan?" Yukari rolled her eyes. "You plan is to up it and leave, returning to Fanelia or Gaea to be with Van?" Inside, Yukari felt a sinking feeling. It didn't feel right, and yet, it was the only solution she, too, could come up with. Varie...she had been the queen of Fanelia, therefore making her....Van's mother. "Van-" Yukari started. She closed her eyes, remembering Varie's words. A choice. Not the first choice ever made in the name of love. 

"What about Van?" Hitomi was slightly flushed. She looked away. "I thought it was a good plan." She muttered.

Yukari shook her head slowly, "I've gotta find Van." She stood slowly, stretching from a night's restless sleep. Varie, Van's mother, a ghost perhaps? But why talk to her, when her son was so close? Why??

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Allen turned slowly, squinting in the morning sunlight. He was careful to stay on the side stone walkway, having learned -the hard way- that stepping onto the dark road was hazardous to one's health. Everything in this world was so new, he felt like a newborn baby. Hardly the gallant knight from Asturia. Who was to say if fate allowed for him to be with Yukari? Who knew what would happen. At that moment, he felt a numbness that made him hardly care. Being in this new world, with the thought that, at least for the next moment, he would be with her, was enough. He laughed inwardly. Who could've guessed that he, knight of Asturia would follow his heart to the girl of his dreams and end up on the mystic moon! Who could've known that those events that had rocked all of Gaea, would eventually impact him at the cost of his heart. 

He turned off the main road. This world Yukari lived in, it was so busy-just as she'd described. Thinking back, he remembered days spent with her, before things had become complicated, when she'd told him fantastic stories of this world. Fantastic stories of everything that made her want to come back. And he wondered if it might've been the other way around, if he would have as much to say about Asturia. And if not, then why was he even considering going back, when what he left behind was so much more important?

Sometimes..when one thinks clearly, perhaps for the first time, it makes everything else look so silly.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

**_~***~_**

_Van has seemingly disappeared..._

_so has Hitomi._

_Hmm..I wonder._

_Amano is silent, and I have feel guilty at giving him the cold shoulder. But how else do I face him? Do I tell him, that I'm in love with a knight from another world? Well, I probably couldn't convince him any more that I'm any crazier, so my reputation probably isn't on the line._

_Its probably around school now; the fact that Amano kissed me. The fact that I didn't want to go out wiht him. Geez, he's one of the freakin' most popular guys this side of Tokyo, what's wrong with me? I know that's what they think. All the girls, Meika, Aryia, Jeina...all of them. They all think I'm crazy already. Crazy for thinking that I could do better than Amano. _

_Sometimes, its hard for people to understand._

_And now Hitomi has disappeared. Her and her love. Why does she always make it seem so easy?_

_Everything is building up, up and up. This can't go on, not forever. Not for nearly long enough. Because its going to break, something is going to break. Something has to break._

**_~***~_**

Up and up. Just like her thoughts, Yukari felt like she was being stretched and bent, bent until she could take no more. Varie, Queen of Fanelia, mother of Van. How much of Van's past was really hidden? How much of Gaea was there left to see, to know? A sudden strong urge to go back to that faraway planet washed over her. Oh how easy it would be, she thought grimly, easier in thought than in reality. As always everything is. 

She found Van who was in the backyard. She'd also looked for Alan, but he'd seemed to have disappeared. She stopped in the doorway into the backyard, watching him. 

He was sitting alone on the tire swing, swinging back and forth desolately. He seemed so small, so alone. How different an image here on Earth, rather than that kingly figure in Asturia. How different our lives are, here and there, Yukari thought. How much will change if I leave? How much will change if they stay? How can we each be selfish enough to keep the other where we want them? When everything boiled down, that was the ultimate question. Who would be willing to sacrifice the ultimate sacrifice: their life? Van turned, almost sensing her presence. He smiled grimly, though his smile contained no peace. Where had the peace gone these days?

"I'm thinking of home." He admitted.

Yukari approached him, leaning against the tree. Its bark was rough. Rough but real. More real than a lot of things seemed these days. 

"It feels like a dream. I'm not sure which I'm living, the dream or the reality. Do you ever feel like that?" Yukari blinked up at Van. 

"Sometimes, I feel its more real here, than in Fanelia." He said. "Everything is real with her. With Hitomi. But sometimes, sometimes I'm not so sure. Because I miss Fanelia too. Its all about what we'll miss most, Hitomi or," Van weighed each hand, an invisible load in each. "Fanelia. We have to choose soon, Yukari. We have to make the ultimate choice."

The silence reigned for a moment. Then Van spoke again,

"Not the first to face this decision, and probably not the last. Perhaps it's the size that's bigger, not the worth."

Yukari stared at Van. Mother and son. Queen and now king. Of a country called Fanelia. 

"Van?"

"Yes?"

"Your mother. Your mother came to me last night. She said those words as well."

Van looked at her. Yukari expected him to be surprised, angry perhaps. Maybe even excited. Nothing prepared her for the blandness she saw in his eyes.

"She came to you?"

"yes." Yukari whispered.

Van's expression was unreadable. 

"What did she tell you to do?"

"She said, she said not to give up hope. She said that we can always be together in dreams. She said my life is worth only dreams." Yukari's voice dropped to a whisper. "She said dreams are more than we make of them. Oh Van! She said that, and so much more. More and more, I didn't know! I didn't know!" Unexpectedly, Yukari realized there were tears in her eyes.

Tears because she had suddenly come to realize the delusion she'd been living. The delusion they'd all been living. The dream that had become their reality.

"Oh Van!" She was suddenly sobbing. "Van, your mother. Varie of the Draconians, she knew this all before any of us did. She knew, she knew and she tried to warn me. She tried to help."

Van looked alarmed, his eyes wide at the sobbing Yukari in front of him. He didn't know what she was saying, didn't' understand her incoherent words. 

"Yukari! What-what do you mean? What's wrong?"

The tears poured down her face.

"Van, we-I, none of us. None of us can go on like this." 

His face was tight. He didn't understand the words, but he understood her. 

"I'm sorry." Yukari whispered softly. "We're all too sorry, and I think, I think that's the problem here."

Van turned away. 

The minutes passed. Precious minutes. Yukari slid down the tree, sitting on the soft grass on the ground. It really was a beautiful morning, the sky so blue, the hum of Tokyo traffic in the background. But, she just couldn't enjoy any of it. She felt ready to snap. In the last half year, she'd lived through enough to make her want to just drop away and sleep forever. Enough pain, heartache, enough of everything. And yet, she wouldn't give up a single minute of it. Not ever.

"I've had enough, Van." She admitted. Van glanced at her, swinging slowly on the tire swing. 

"I know." 

He'd never been one for big words or elaborate phrases, Yukari thought sadly. Maybe that's what I'll miss most about him. Not what he said, but what he didnt' say. Sometimes, the silences are worth more than gold. 

The silence no longer was oppressive. Instead, it felt......peaceful.

"Have you told Allen yet?" Van asked.

"No." Yukari said softly, realizing that she'd made the decision even before she'd come and talked to Van. She'd known this outcome as soon as she'd seen that strange woman in the park, all alone and regal as a queen. A decision that would change her entire life. For good or for worse; that was the variable.

"I thought it all through," Yukari said slowly, her words drawn out. "I thought about it all night. And as Hitomi had come to a decision, so had I. She told me, this morning Van." Her eyes glanced at him, "But..."

"She's decided?" Van sighed. "I don't feel like we have too much more time."

"We don't." Yukari agreed. "How ironic this is. We've had a dream come true, nearly four days together. And yet, what do we do these four days? We bicker and cry and avoid each other. I may never see you again Van!" Tears sprung into her eyes, and in a moment, Yukari realized what she'd admitted to Van. For a moment, she hoped he wouldn't understand. Van glanced at her, his dark eyes confused. Then a light shone in them, and understanding painted his face.

"Ohh." He said slowly, softly.

Yukari looked away, wiping her eyes. If it was the right decision, then why did she hurt so bad? If this was the right path, her life, then why did she feel like it was wrong?

"Oh Yukari.." His eyes were sad. He sat next to her, his eyes somber and unreadable. "Oh I understand now."

"Do you Van?" Her words were barely audible. "Do you really understand?"

"Explain it to me then." 

"It's hard." She turned away, studying the busy streets of Tokyo. The busy life, everything she had ever known. "Its too hard."

"Then make it easy!" The fire in his eyes leapt up. "Yukari, you don't know how much your decision will hurt him. You don't know how much he loves you!" His words were fierce.

"And I love him!" Yukari sobbed. "But I can't! I just can't! Not after everything. When it all comes down, its just a choice Van. Nothing about anything, just yes or no. Whether I follow, or whether I don't. And....and I can't!"

**_~***~  
_**_Am I making the right decision? AM I making the biggest mistake of my life? Will I ever ever regret this? _

_If I have to ask these questions...is it even the right choice in the first place?_

**_~***~_**

Van studied Yukari next to him. Her fine dark hair that fell over her face when she cried. How her thin shoulder shook with her sobs. Something almost akin to grief came over him. Grief and sadness for everything. Sadness for her, her pain and her decision. Grief for Allen, at what he would have to face. Grief for even Hitomi, for what she too had to decide. And finally, infinitely sorry for himself. Hey, he thought miserably, I'm entitled to just a bit of self-pity aren't I? But when he couldn't find an answer, he could only flush guiltily. How he wished all this would be over. All this love, hate, torment, betrayal, it was taxing. Too taxing.

"Yukari?" Van said softly. She leaned against him, and he too was comforted by her sobs. It was an anchor that kept him bound. Too often, lately, he'd found his thoughts floating away, back to Gaea and Fanelia.

"If it is what you choose...how can I change what you've chosen already?" His voice sounded, for once, helpless. He didn't know what to do; as a king of Fanelia, he'd never been schooled in love. Whoever has, he wondered bitterly? Who is trained for what love throws at us? Who is prepared for what Fate challenges us? He'd yet to meet that person.

"Help me change my mind!" Yukari pleaded, tears pouring down her face. She grasped him, her eyes pleading, hoping, challenging. Slowly, Van met her gaze. Her dark eyed gaze that he knew his best friend would never forget. He disengaged himself from her grasp, but didn't' let go of her hands.

"I'm sorry, Yukari. I can't do that."

Her eyes were wide.

"I can't do that, because, because it's not my place to."

Yukari's hands fell limply to her lap. 

"Then I guess this is it."

Her words fell like stones on water, sinking deep and sure.

Perhaps this was it.

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It was midnight, and Yukari lay awake. She'd been thinking of what to say to Allen all day, and when she'd finally come face to face with him, she'd balked and stood there, tongue-tied. He seemed to feel the same, for the atmosphere had been awkward. 

After leaving the room, she'd wanted to cry. 

Some unknown force was telling her that time was running out, and her response was that she couldn't think of a single thing to say in front of him. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair; but then, who ever said love was fair? The house was so strangely silent, that it made her sit up. Staring into the darkness, her room seemed unfamiliar and different. She was back at home, after spending two, turbulent, dream-filled nights at Hitomi's, she was finally back in her own room. 

Yukari sat up, pushed her covers away to let the cool night wind wash over her. A soft breeze blew into the room, making the curtain rustle and whisper. Love, they whispered, love and fate. Yukari listened to the sound of the wind, of the curtains, of the soft crickets outside. She listened to the distant traffic of Tokyo. A choice, they all whispered, a choice is now. 

She sat up and stared out of her window at the bright moon in the sky. The moon from Earth, from her room, from her home. How could she leave this behind for a place where she'd eternally see her home from a window in a palace? Constantly there, but unattainable, unreachable.

Tears sprung into her eyes, only to be blinked away. Yukari fell back onto her bed, staring at her cieling. It wasn't fair, making her choose like this. Making her decide something that she shoudln't yet have to decide. 

She was going to be a senior soon. It was to be the time of her life, and yet, here she was, make heart-breaking decisions on the future. 

Leaving home, a place where'd she'd experienced everything. Or leaving love. 

Yukari, her eyes more accustomed to the darkness, stared around her room. It was tidy, the cleaning lady having come that day. Yukari laughed softly, spying the little hand puppet that sat on her bed-post. She'd made that in kindergarten, ever the artistic one. She lifted it slowly, and compared it to her hand. It was so small, it was hard to believe she'd ever been that small.

And yet, it was even harder to believe that she'd lived in another world called Gaea, in another land called Asturia. That she'd met her true, a true knight named Allen Schezar. It could all be a dream.

After all, aren't dreams what you can't believe?

Almost automatically, Yukari stood unsteadily, her legs balancing themselves underneath her. She pulled on jeans and a top, shrugging on a sweater overtop. 

These spirits within, they told her things. They reminded her and guided her. Somehow, Yukari knew that one of those spirits was Varie, Varie Queen of Fanelia. She was there, whispering, guiding. Her soft words beckoned Yukari. 

Cut out your heart, they whispered. Cut out your heart, and throw it to the wind. Yukari stared into the night sky and knew that they meant. Looking down, her hands were pale in the moonlight. She saw her heart there, bleeding and dying. The last remnants of its life being slowly drained away. Her tears washed the blood from her fingers.

Then, her heart was gone, and she felt no more.

The house was quiet, her parents in deep slumber, no clue what their daughter was up to. No clue what their daughter had experienced. 

Yukari left the house quietly, and jogged slowly towards the school. The field, Varie told her. Not told, exactly, just whispered. It wasn't distinct, that voice within her, more a feeling really. Something that made her know, but not explain. Something she couldn't' understand, but felt anyway.

She was glad that she'd cut out her heart already, or else it would've hurt more, that last run towards the school. I'm glad, she thought over and over. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. But because she had no more heart to feel with, she couldn't feel glad. Unfortunately, cutting out her heart had had another effect, it took away the bad, but also the good.

Yukari sighed inwardly, not feeling sadness nor happiness. Just not feelings at all.

So this is it, she thought, spying three other people standing on the field, near the track behind the school. 

The school was dark, a looming shape in the distance. It seemed familiar somehow, something she knew in this night of mystery and unknown.

The moon cast a shadow and lit everything with an eerie glow. Yukari stopped a few feet away from Hitomi, Van and Allen. Allen didn't' look at her. Van and HItomi held hands tightly, their own expressions tight-lipped and somber. 

Yukari balked again. Then, remembering that her heart had already been cut out, she walked forward slowly. It was colder than she'd originally thought, and she shivered involuntarily. 

**_~***~_**

_My heart is gone, I feel no more._

_My heart is gone, I feel no more._

_My heart is gone, I feel no more._

_My heart...._

**_~***~_**

It was silent, all silent. She couldn't even hear her own breathing, and she wondered if she'd died. Without a heart, how could one live, after all? 

It's time, the voices whispered. Yukari closed her eyes, seeing Varie Fanel, so like Van, smiling down at her. You chose, she whispered, her dark hair flowing in the wind, her bright wings floating gently. Feathers rained down, and Yukari reached a hand out to catch one. It was soft; it cast a pale silver glow. Yukari put it to her cheek and felt it's softness. 

She could feel.

When she opened her eyes again, her world was blue. Blue in Allen's eyes. He stood before her, drinking her in with his blue blue eyes. She stared, transfixed into them, hypnotized by his beauty and courage and valor, everything that she loved about him. 

The world tilted. 

Allen turned and shouted something unintelligible to Van. Something that she couldn't' decipher because she could hear nothing but the pounding of her heart. Her cut out heart. 

I want to love him, she whispered to her spirits. I want to be with him. But I cannot. Over and over, her heart whispered to its spirits, to it's guides. And over and over, her spirits whispered back, you cannot. You cannot have two. You cannot have two.

A brilliant light filled the field, and she saw Hitomi and Van. Hitomi's eyes shone green; she seemed of another world. Perhaps, she had always been of another world, simply born in the wrong world. Her eyes spoke many more volumes than her words did. 

The world shook.

Yukari lost her balance; she was falling backward. 

Backward into a dark abyss. Farther and farther.

She reached out, but there was no one. Time was upon them, wreaking its havoc for having been cheated. For having been used. 

This is it, Yukari thought. This is where I die.

She closed her eyes again, resigned to her fate. 

Suddenly, she felt it again. The soft silver feather, caressing her cheek. She opened her eyes, seeing it float down slowly. IT cast a light in the darkness. A faint light, but a light nevertheless.

And then, he was there. His blue eyes drowned her, bringing tears to her eyes. His golden hair, once long, now floated around his head in short tendrils. It made him look real, natural, wild.

He held in his arms, and they were falling together. 

In his arms, she never wanted to leave. 

But you've decided, her voices whispered. You've decided. 

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her tears falling like crystals into the darkness that was her own heart. Allen held her, his golden hair flying.

"Never be sorry." He whispered.

And just as they hit the abyss, he kissed her. For the second time in his life, Allen kissed her. He gave up everything, his life, his knighthood, his title, for her. Everything, and anything, for her. 

What was life, after all, without her?

Their lips locked, and a great surge went up within her. Her cut up heart, battered and broken, melded together. 

The world rumbled around them, as the fell together. 

The abyss came. 

But there was always a light, because he was there. There holding her. Forever.

Darkness engulfed them, and they disappeared, holding onto each other so that one could not discern where one ended and the other began. Golden hair meshed with dark, amber eyes melded with blue. 

"I love you."

And they never let go. Not even for a moment.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes, was the pale soft moon sitting in the sky. It seemed almost too bright to be there. Some kind of heavenly object lost and misplaced in the darkness that was the heavens.

She blinked, squinting the moonlight, and then opening her eyes slowly. Realization washed over her in cold waves of heartache.

**_~***~_**

_I chose. Oh gods, I chose...frantic breathing_

_I...._

_chose...._

_home..._

_Maybe this is just proof laughs bitterly proof that love doesn't live forever. Maybe this is just proof that each of us, in our lifetime, gets only one chance at love. And when that time or chance is up, we're through. We're done, finito. Maybe some are lucky enough to love their entire lives; to spend entire moments with that person that makes their stomach flutter and their heart want to cry with tears of joy._

_But some of us..._

_other of us._

_Are doomed to forever feel heartache and sorrow. _

_Doomed to forever feel sadness._

_But those of us that feel that darkness_

_have also seen the light and..._

_experienced the greatest love of all._

_We never get a chance to love twice._

_We carry that love with us; a memory of it. Like a taste of something exquisite that forever changes our lives. We have that taste forever reminding us._

_My love is over._

_But my life...._

_my life..._

_is just beginning._

**_~***~_**

Allen Schezar awoke in a green pasture in the forests of Fanelia. He knew, as soon as he awoke, and dread filled his heart. Sorrow threatened to overwhelm him.

He turned over, the soft grass on his numb body. He could hear nothing else, and wondered about no one else but her. He wished he could go back in time. To a time where dimensions did not pull lovers apart, and walls did not grab back their own.

Earth had wanted Yukari.

Gaea had motioned for him. 

I need you, Gaea had beckoned to him. You have things to do. Missions to accomplish; greater good to achieve.

You are, my knight, Allen Schezar.

All these words, had been whispered to him as he'd traveled through time and space returning to his rightful place.

IT was a barter. This duty and honor in exchange for her. Was it worth it? Allen liked to think that he'd done all he could to stay by her side. But as he lay there, looking into the morning sky, he saw the mystic moon and knew, deep down, that he had no place there. 

Anger seized him. It made him demand, to demand why. Why had they torn him apart, these spirits? Why had they evoked their anger towards him? What had he done? Hadn't he lived the true and noble way his entire life, only know, to be turned against and cheated?

His fists clenched and tears came to his eyes at the thought of a future without Yukari. Without her great eyes swallowing him whole, with her quick smile easing his pain.

"It is often enough to have loved just once, if it was true." A voice broke his reverie and shook him into the reality that is life.

Allen sat up quickly, on guard before he even realized it. It was a beautiful lady, with great white wings like Van's. Allen stared, his eyes growing wide. She sat, perched atop a rock like it was a throne. It very well could've been a throne, her regal bearing would've made him believe it.

"Who-who are you?" He breathed. Her beauty was surreal, something out of this world. The lady, for she was no girl, smiled.

"Why is it, that we all must demand the who's and the why's and the how's of this world? Is it not enough to just know? TO just feel?"

Allen stared down at his hands, and wiped them on his tunic. Anger seized him again, making him tremble.

"Have I not fought a war? Have I not lived like a true-knight? Am I never to be happy?!" He demanded, and yet implored her at the same time, knowing somehow that she could change everything.

The lady floated towards him, floated -for her feet never touched the ground. She smiled gently.

"You have duties here, Allen Schezar."

"I have done my duty!" He said, through clenched teeth.

"You have more."

"I don't want any more!" 

"Often, fate gives us no choice." For the first time, the lady looked sad. Her eyes flickered up and met Allen's blue ones. "She does not belong here, Allen. She could not live here, just as you could not live there." Her tone was gentle but impossibly firm. Like a rock that changes the course of a river, gently and ever in such a small way, but ever firm and standing its ground.

Allen struggled to his feet, feeling dazed and confused. The thing that beat in his chest was certainly no heart; for he'd lost his heart.

"Gaea hates me, though I have done everything for her." He said, through clenched teeth. The lady shook her head softly, great cascades of dark hair rippling around her.

"No." She smiled softly, her radiance warm and wrapping him in it's arms. "No. Gaea loves you." And in an instant, she showed him the future that would've been his had Gaea allowed them to be together.

He saw Yukari with him, in Asturia, their love dwindling to be replaced by sickness and sorrow. She was pale and wan, discouraged by indirection and confusion. He saw himself, fighting battles, coming home victorious to a wife that wanted to do as much as he, but had no chance to. He saw himself imploring her to stay in their great castle, to take care of their golden-haired children. He saw her leaving, in tears and frustration, running away to faraway lands, trying desperately to be understood.

Then he saw himself on the mystic moon, her home called Earth. Dressed in the stiff clothing they wore, he saw himself picking garbage off the windy, busy streets, barely dodging those monsters that roared down the road. He saw Yukari, in a business suit, never home and always busy. He saw himself, no purpose, no direction.

He saw Gaea. Asturia, falling to invading Zaibach and neighboring countries. King Aston dead, Millerna distraught. He saw Fanelia, Van struggling to find advice only to be tricked by advisors that follow neither honor nor code, only money. He saw all of Gaea, burning and dying. Sickened from war.

When the visions ended, his eyes were filled with tears. 

"No." He whispered. He couldn't' believed it. He wouldn't believe it. "I loved her.." He said softly, "..with all of my heart."

The lady smiled. 

"It is not the end of a story."

"My heart is gone." He said finally, dully. He'd come ot accept. Come to acknowledge. Though, knowledge did not mean his heart had returned. 

"It may be gone for a long time yet." She agreed. "But as I said, it is often enough to have met her, loved her, and carried her memories on with you."

Allen closed his eyes. He imagined her smile, encouraging him to be better than he was. Encouraging him to be braver, more chivalrous. More importantly, she'd shown him humility. Shown him his greatest weakness, and ultimately, made him infinitely stronger.

"I'll never forget." He whispered, a vow to himself. The lady smiled softly.

"No. Never forget." The lady rose, disappearing slowly. "In dreams, Allen Schezar, Knight of Gaea, in dreams, you shall meet her again." 

A yellow daisy, she handed him. It was bright in the darkness of his sorrow. He stared at it long after the lady had left. He'd long ago stopped wondering at to her identity. 

A yellow daisy, the kind that she'd used to sit on the hills and pick by the bundles to remind her of her home.

"You're home now." He said softly, staring up at the mystic moon. "Just as I promised."

Then, with a new sense of purpose, and a new aura of sorrow, Allen Schezar, Knight of Gaea, set off on his destiny.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

Van sat on his throne. 

Over and over, he replayed in his mind what had happened. I love you Van Fanel, never forget that. It was what she'd said, in their final moments together. Just moments before the blue light had appeared and covered the sky and shaken the earth. Then, he'd kissed her, and whispered back, I love you. In those moments, he'd known true love. He'd never trade them for the world.

He drummed his fingers on the throne, listening to the sound of his Chancellor announcing upcoming royal visits from other foreign dignitaries. It seemed an unending list that, in the past, would've bored him to death. But lately, these little trivial matters of the kingdom had taken all of his attention, making him throw his entire self into their matters. He preferred it's boresome tone to the sharp memories in his heart.

Somehow, he'd always imagined that parting with her a second time would be a knife through his heart worse than the first time. And yet, he sat there, a sense of loss acute, but not overwhelming. 

Perhaps it was the fact that, all he'd wanted was what he'd achieved.

A second chance. 

And he'd gotten that, and more importantly, he'd done it right this time. Even if he never saw her again, physically, he'd always know that she loved him and that he loved her. In his memories, she was more alive than she'd ever be in her earthly life.

"One day at a time." He muttered, shifting under the crown. For once, he didn't feel it's overbearing weight. 

"Pardon me, Your Majesty?" His Chancellor glanced up in the midst of his announcements. King Van Fanel of Fanelia hid a smile and waved his Chancellor on.

"Go on."

The long list continued.

Van felt the weight of the pendant around his neck. One day at a time. The pain might still be there, and the sorrow would always be there. But he'd get by, one day at a time. One day at a time.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

**Six Months Later**

"Hitomi! Look at this dress!" Yukari twirled around and around, laughing and giggling. Prom night, and they'd converged at Hitomi's house to prepare and primp, awaiting the arrival of their dates. 

"Good god, Yukari, that bow is huge!"

"I know." Yukari laughed. "I couldn't help it, Amano chose it out. What could I do, say no?" Yukari grinned, looking over her shoulder at the big blue bow that decorated the back of her beaded dress. "Anyway, he said that this the style over there in England! I'm not one to argue with a Brit!" She giggled.

"Oh of course not." Hitomi fixed her hair, which had once again been cut short around her head. She turned, in an emerald green dress that drastically brought out her eyes. White diamond encircled her neck. 

"You girls ready?" Mrs.Kanzaki stuck her head in, her eyes brimming. "Oh my babies, all grown up. Commere for a picture!"

Grumbling, Hitomi reluctantly readied herself for a picture. Yukari hid a smile, knowing that Hitomi always hated pictures.

"Aww come on Tomi, be a sport. This is, after all, the most important night of our junior careers."

Hitomi rolled her eyes.

*Snap* A memory, forever enframed in a picture of two smiling girls.

From the picture, one would never have guessed that these two girls had lived life's very best. That they had experienced life's very worst. That they had lived, loved and lost, and that little pieces of their heart still rested in a faraway world called Gaea.

Since that day, they'd never again spoken of their adventures, feelings or thoughts of Gaea, of Allen or Van. It was as if the memory had been erased for earth, never to be dug up.

They'd lived slowly, first dragging each other along the path called life. Then slowly picking up speed, and being able to walk again. And now, they ran with the rest of their crowd, ahead, made stronger from pain and from love.

In the middle of the prom dance, Yukari left the room and headed out into the balcony adjoining one of the rooms of the hall. It was a beautiful night, the kind that memories are from. Yukari brushed a wisp of dark hair that had fallen out of it's tight do, and traced her fingers along the pale reflection of the light from the lighted rooms behind her.

She swallowed slowly. Six months to the day. 

It had been hard, too hard, at first. And then, it'd gotten better. Slowly. SHe no longer thought of her heart as falling out, nor dead. It was there, at least, though weak. 

An arm encircling her brought her out of her dreams. She looked up and smiled slowly. Amano wrapped his arms around her making her feel warmth.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered, turning her so that they danced slowly to the music that filter out from the hall. 

Yukari rested her head on his shoulder, and breathed in the sweet smell of his cologne. It was intoxicating, like wine and roses. They swayed slowly to the music. 

Amano knew, to some extent, that something had changed her. And he'd accepted it, allowing her time and space. He knew she still wasn't ready for many things that a relationship required, including commitment. But he also knew that time, and time alone, would heal those things.

Yukari's eyes flickered up to the bright moon that hung in the sky. It seemed too bright, and for the first time in a long time, Yukari let herself think of him. 

She winced, expecting a torrent of emotion and pain to follow his image. But none came. She relaxed into Amano's arms. 

"Thank-you." She whispered to the night air. 

Thank-you for Allen, and for Van and for the memories. Thank-you for Hitomi and for Amano. Thank-you for life.

Love has a way of mending itself. Leaving the bad things out, and taking only the best. Yukari smiled slightly, resting her chin on his shoulder. 

Let the best times come. And if she'd already lived the best times in her life, then...she'd be very happy for second-best.

**_THE END_**__


End file.
